Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Point form life....

My life in a nut shell right now:

~ Cooking dinner for 40 people at my house next Wednesday. Have a huge menu plan happening but really excited to do it. It is a monthly thing during the summer for my guys at work.

~ Want to pay off my house and all my debt as soon as possible and move to an acreage and go off the grid in my dream home. Planning for this as we speak. This dream will one day be a reality.

~ Leaving on Friday to go to Banff with a friend for a girls weekend away. Kinda excited. Kinda sad. Will miss husband a lot.

~ My boobs are growing. TMI I know. Not happy.

~ Husband leaves in 3 weeks to go up north to work for a month. Not impressed but what do you do.

~ Manager possibly leaving restaurant this summer which means I have to take that on as well as everything else that I do on a daily basis and my full time job that I have. Nervous.

~ Hosting a paintball party for guys at work on the 24th. Looking forward to it. Not in good shape to do it but it should be fun!

~ Have about 10 people that I need to call this week and just visit but not sure I have the mental energy with everything else that is going on.

~ Needing more sleep but for some reason can't do it. NOT IMPRESSED.

Overall, I am happy. Insanely busy at times, bored at others, but in a really good place. Now, if only I was here......

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Death and Taxes....

So, got some bad news yesterday. The grandma has a blood clot. I am not sure how to feel at this point. Do I even care? I know that this sounds harsh, but I have not been a part of her life for the past 15 years and there has only been hurt during that time. I know that she is suffering and that she will probably die soon. She is in her 80's. Is it sad that I feel the same sadness as if I read it in a magazine about a perfect stranger? Is it sad that I am not sure I care? I will probably have do deal with both deaths of her and the grandpa in the next 6 months. I am not sure I will care. I am a bitch!!!! I amaze even myself! Oh well. I talked to Dad about it tonight and he feels the same. They are his parents. Wow. Such a happy post.

Time for tea and toast! (Wow...that sounded british!)

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Could my life be any wierder?

Stress kills. Stress can harm you. Stress can do all these weird and wonderful things to you. I know this. I have preached why the hell did it take me this long to figure it out for myself?

Here goes....I was diagnosed with a severe gluten intolerance about 2 years ago. I remember the day. I was devastated. Had no idea why me!!!! I know I know....the pity! About a month ago, I all of a sudden could not eat dairy. Out of the blue. Made me incredibly sick! Almost go the the hospital sick! The gluten made me mad but the dairy? This one pissed me off. And where did it come from you ask? You see, I HAVE HAD TOO MUCH STRESS IN MY LIFE AND INTERNALIZE IT ALL AND CAUSE MYSELF TO GET SICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and now for my rocket science degree please! :)

I was at work one day last week and was having a rough day. Thinking a lot about the past. I was on face book and saw a picture of the man that sexually abused me and I lost it. I controlled myself, due to the fact that I was at work, but internalized it like every other time. Then Husband phoned me and got mad at me for some work issue. I internalized it. I drove out to the job site feeling like crap to bring him some stuff and when I saw him....we'll just say that I lost it. I screamed and yelled and swore and cried until I was shaking so bad he had to hold me up. I am not like this. I do not lose it. I am not an emotional spaz type of wife so he knew something was up. When I finally stopped, he asked what had happened that day. I told him and all of a sudden I felt 500 lbs lighter. I felt alive. I felt free. I RELEASED A LOT OF CRAP THAT I HAD INTERNALIZED!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUNNY THING!!!!!!!!!

I got home later and realized that I needed to work through some stuff. SO, with a lot of praying and thinking, I pinpointed the exact day that I became a non-gluten girl and the exact day I became a non-dairy girl! I prayed through some stuff and released it and guess what?

I AM EATING TOAST RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND I AM NOT SICK!!!!!!!!!!!!

It is amazing. I am so happy! I feel free. Even my employees and friends are noticing. I am happy. Why did it take so long for me to figure it out? Not the issue, because it is gone!

I think I will go eat a cracker......