Oh Dawn.....

Day 1: a photo of me and five facts

2012-02-01T18:20:00.001-07:00

1. I am 31 years old and have been married for almost 12 years.

2. I am happiest if I can go to sleep around 4 am and sleep till noon.

3. When I am not feeling well or have a headache, I am quiet. Creepy quiet.

4. I want to own a home again so bad it hurts. ( I technically do, but it is in another town and being rented out)

5. I am one day going to write a book about my life. But I am not sure

I will ever publish it or show it to anyone. Except Lisa. I promised.

Today was rough. As you can see from the picture above. I have been pushing myself far too hard and now I am hurting. My throat is hurting again and I have had a major headache all day. Thankfully the Grandparents ditched me tonight and so I am finishing typing this, having a bath and going to bed. Yes I realize that it is only 6 pm. I am ok with that. Had two really good business meetings today. They were both amazing. I am really excited for this next year and everything that I am going to get done. And all that I am going to learn. Sometimes? I just need a kick in the shorts. I am also thinking that I am going to have to stop moving soon and just sit still and let my body heal as I am not improving that quickly.

Ooooh. Big news! I have booked a hair appointment for tomorrow and am thinking about hacking off my hair. It is to my shoulders right now and I am not liking it. Problem is that Husband loves it long and pulled back. I want it cute, and funky and a little different than it is right now. We will see. Maybe I will take before and after pictures and post them on here tomorrow for you guys. Depends if if looks good I guess!

I should head to bed now. I think I need a little sleep.

Goodnight dear world!

100 Day Photo Challenge

2012-02-01T09:26:00.000-07:00

So, in case you have not noticed, I am insane. I found this photo challenge that I am going to try. Feel free to use it on your blog. Just make sure you link back here!

Here it is in full.

Day 01 - A picture of yourself with five facts
Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest
Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show
Day 04 - A picture of yourself and a family member
Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory
Day 06 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day
Day 07 - A picture that makes you laugh
Day 08 - A picture of your most treasured item
Day 09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most
Day 10 - A picture of someone you do the craziest things with
Day 11 - A picture of something you hate
Day 12 - A picture of something you love
Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist
Day 14 - A picture of your favorite store
Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die
Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you
Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently
Day 18 - A picture of the sexiest Woman alive
Day 19 - A picture of something you love to do
Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel
Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget
Day 22 - A picture of something you never leave the house without
Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book
Day 24 - A picture of someone you miss
Day 25 - A picture of you from last year
Day 26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you
Day 27 - A picture of your favorite night
Day 28 - A picture of your favorite place in the world
Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile
Day 30 - A picture of your favorite quote
Day 31 - A picture of food you made
Day 32 - A picture of what you did today
Day 33 - A picture of somewhere you went today
Day 34 - A picture of your favorite morning
Day 35 - A picture of your hometown
Day 36 - A picture of your pet
Day 37 - A picture taken at school
Day 38 - A picture of your favorite drink
Day 39 - A picture of your favorite food
Day 40 - A picture of your friends
Day 41 - A picture of your favorite weather
Day 42 - A picture of you listening to music
Day 43 - A picture of you celebrating
Day 44 - A picture that describes your life
Day 45 - A picture of your favorite cartoon character
Day 46 - A picture that you edited
Day 47 - A picture of your favorite animal
Day 48 - A picture of you more than 10 years ago
Day 49 - A picture of you and your best friend(s)
Day 50 - A picture of yourself
Day 51 - A picture of you wearing sunglasses
Day 52 - A picture of you dressed up
Day 53 - A picture of you in a car
Day 54 - A picture of you on your last vacation
Day 55 - A picture of you with a date
Day 56 - A picture of you all bundled up
Day 57 - A picture of you in your backyard
Day 58 - A picture of your hair all done
Day 59 - A picture of you at prom
Day 60 - A picture of you at a sports game
Day 61 - A picture of you in the fall
Day 62 - A picture of you on a ride
Day 63 - A picture of luggage
Day 64 - A picture of you at work
Day 65 - A picture of you at a park
Day 66 - A picture of you in the air
Day 66 - A picture of you doing something childish
Day 67 - A picture of you falling
Day 68 - A picture of you outside
Day 69 - A picture of a crazy night out
Day 70 - A picture of someone you don't go a day without talking to
Day 71 - A picture of you with people you work with
Day 72 - A picture of you with unbelievable scenery
Day 73 - A picture of you somewhere warm
Day 74 - A picture taken professionally
Day 75 - A picture of you receiving a reward
Day 76 - A picture of you drinking something
Day 77 - A picture of you and friends making silly faces
Day 78 - A picture of you in the dark
Day 79 - A picture of you in the water
Day 80 - A picture of you and someone you love being silly
Day 81 - A picture of you with a character
Day 82 - A picture of someone you love asleep
Day 83 - A picture of you and a teammate
Day 84 - A picture of a school project
Day 85 - A picture of your favorite holiday
Day 86 - A picture of someone who helps you with school
Day 87 - A picture of someone you grew up with
Day 88 - A picture of your dream car
Day 89 - A picture of you at a hotel
Day 90 - A picture of you wearing your favorite color
Day 91 - A picture of you and your friends playing a game
Day 92 - A picture of your school
Day 93 - A picture of your favorite board game
Day 94 - A picture of you and your friends eating
Day 95 - A picture of you on a plane
Day 96 - A picture of your favorite movie
Day 97 - A picture of something you no longer have
Day 98 - A picture of you and your friends out somewhere
Day 99 - A picture that was first on your facebook
Day 100 - A picture of you smiling

So, some of these will be hard to get. Some will actually take a lot of effort! But I am going to try. Wish me luck! I will start later today!!!!!

Last day

2012-01-31T11:22:00.001-07:00

Ok. I know that this calendar I have is disturbing. But it makes me giggle!

So, today is the last day of this whole Joy Dare thing. I have liked it this month. I think that it came at a perfect time and due to my OCD tendencies, I actually did every one! I laugh at things like this. In order to keep myself blogging every day? I just need more of these.

Random fact for the day: On my street, the UPS truck comes at least once per day. And it always stops at the same 2 houses. I am figuring some crazy drug ring (I watch too many CSI style shows) or some lady has some serious shopping habits and is getting deliveries from all over. And no. I am not a creep. My office window faces out on the whole street. I am at the bottom of a cul-de-sac so I can see the whole street all the time when I am working. Ok. That is kinda creepy.

Back to my day. I woke up at a reasonable time today and went straight into my office. I then got an amazing amount of work done before my brain shut off completely. I am actually proud of myself! I think if I do this everyday this week, I will get some things done!!!! YEAH ME!

My grandpas sister is dying here in town and so my grandpa and grandma are coming to my house tonight. They are here for dinner, with their driver (sounds fancy, right? Really it is my dads best friend who is a gem and is spending three days here to drive them around) and spending the night. I am not sure if they are here for more than tonight though. They hate to "put people out" when we all really just love having them here and want them to stay. They are so silly. You will have to kick me out when I am old! None of this leaving right away crap. So it will be nice to see them.

Oh yeah! Remember that puzzle I was doing? Yeah. Epic fail. I could just not do it. It was insanely hard and made me insane and so I decided to start a new one. I am now working on this one:

From Cobble hill website

A little easier if I do say so myself. I am actually almost done! I have some green left to do and that is all. I will probably finish it in the next week. I decided I need easier ones to do. I don't mind the 1000 pieces but good grief. At least give me a few clean lines to work from. I am finding it really relaxing though and actually thinking of one to do next! YES WORLD! I AM A GEEK!!!!!!

Husband left for work again this morning. He could be gone for a few days? Or a few months. How is that for keeping my brain from not being sad! I hate not knowing how long he is gone for. I always think the worst though and then when he gets to come home for a couple days like this last weekend, then I am happy!

I should finish this Joy Dare off and start the rest of my day. Time to get ready for the day and have lunch and then I have a meeting this afternoon. Pray that my brain functions!

Joy Dare

Day 31: a gift found on a paper, in a person, in a picture

words. The ability to read a book and escape into the life of the character.
Kindness. Love. Acceptance.
Memories. I lost all my childhood memories for the most part when I had my aneurysm. I love looking at pictures and seeing my childhood again.

Insanity

2012-01-30T21:19:00.001-07:00

So. I am a bitch. Or so I am thinking these days. These last few days with Dad and his lady friend were awful. I tried to be happy but felt like I was fighting for my family the entire time.

"No, you cannot pick only your favorite granddaughter to be in the wedding because they are all mad at you right now and that will make things worse"

"No we are not spending next Christmas with lady friend and her family. That is our family year and it has been planned for a year to have it here at our house."

"No, it is not because we are not accepting you into our family, but we are not really wanting to get to know a whole new family"

"Sorry I am not jumping up and down for joy and giggling like a 16 year old because I think you guys are rushing things and I am not insanely happy for you"

"No, I will not cater, do the flowers and decorate, and do a slideshow and do your invitations for your wedding"

"Why yes. It is because I am a bitch and has nothing to do with the fact that I am exhausted and sick and have no energy right now and will not have time to"

"Why yes. Spending $400 on a flower girl dress is completely normal. I am sure she will love it for the one day she will wear it."

From cbslimited. Looks cute though, doesn't it????

Welcome to my weekend! I spent the whole time biting my tongue and trying to not cry. I can feel my dad pulling away and her pushing in and it is all awkward and annoying. What can I say! I hate that Dad has not spent more time with her. I hate that my siblings do not know her at all and so they cannot say in good judgement that they even agree with this whole thing. I hate that we feel like a complete stranger is joining our family. And no, just because she was moms cousin for 53 years does not make her a friend or a close family member at all. I hate that I am hurting this way and don't know what to do about it. I hate that I have no one to talk to about this but my blog. I hate that I am so unhappy. Why can I now just be happy for them? Why can I not just love them!

Vent over.

Joy Dare
Day 30: 3 old things seen new

My grandparents. Over the last year I have looked at them different. They are getting old and yet I have such a huge desire to know them like never before.
My marriage. We have been together almost as long as we have been apart. This last month has made me appreciate what we have even more. I can't wait to one day be the wife I long to be.
My life. Some days I feel old. I feel like a new person this year. I am making changes in me and it is good. Now to start more. One more day of freedom!!!

Little Old Ladies

2012-01-29T11:13:00.001-07:00

and mono don't mix and so I am staying home from church today!

Husband is home but so are the old people (Dad and his fiance) later today so I think we are going to the mall shopping. Should be fun! Did you hear the sarcasm? No. It will be good. I am feeling extremely weak this weekend so I will have to take it easy. Pretty sure we won't be there long. Husband is leaving again soon. He is heading out to camp to a job that will take him away for a long time. Making me sad, but at the same time? He will be happy working hard and we could use the money. I will go find him if I have to. And we can phone all day if we need to!

Hope you are all having an amazing weekend!

Joy Dare
Day 29: a song heard, a soft word, where you saw the light

Hillsong United: Take Heart. This is the most amazing song. If you have not heard it? Listen to it. My cousin introduced me to it. Took a few listens but has become a major song in my life. One of my favorite parts is the drum beat of the song. As the song goes, it gets stronger and stronger just like the words. I will listen to this in my car at an insane volume and just drown myself in it. It offers such an amazing promise of love and protection and strength.

[Verse 1:]
There is a light
It burns brighter than the sun
He steals the night
And casts no shadow
There is hope
Should oceans rise and mountains fall
He never fails

[Chorus:]
So take heart
Let His love lead us through the night
Hold on to hope
And take courage again

[Verse 1:]
In death by love
The fallen world was overcome
He wears the scars of our freedom
In His Name
All our fears are swept away
He never fails

[Bridge:]
All our troubles
And all our tears
God our hope
He has overcome

All our failure
And all our fear
God our love
He has overcome
All our heartache
And all our pain
God our healer
He has overcome

All our burdens
And all our shame
God our freedom
He has overcome

All our troubles
And all our tears
God our hope
He has overcome

All our failures
And all our fear
God our love
He has overcome

God our justice
God our grace
God our freedom
He has overcome

God our refuge
God our strength
God is with us
He has overcome

When Husband whispers "I love you". Nothing more amazing than that.

The Eiffel Tower-when I was 16 I went to Europe. I was severely anorexic and was not in a healthy place. I stood at the top of the Eiffel Tower one night crying and looked out on the city and decided that my uncle (the one who sexually abused me) could no longer hurt me. That he had killed enough of my life. That he had hurt me for the last time. That starving myself was not only making me ugly (which had been my goal) but that it was only hurting me and not him. I went down from the tower that night and ate dinner. And enjoyed every bite. I will never forget that feeling of "seeing the light". One day I want to go back there and see that view again without tears.

aviewoncities.com

HHCG+Mono

2012-01-28T12:17:00.001-07:00

= FAILURE!!!

SO NOT GOOOD FOR ME! Went on the diet, was doing really good and had no energy. Yesterday, I could feel my energy draining even more and thought it was because I was tired. I was downtown and almost passed out. Needless to say, I got a drink at the nearest coffee shop and the diet has ended. I have realized (yes Tammy and Jill, I am paying attention to my body) that as long as I am trying to fight mono, I cannot do the diet. Last night I slept for 12 hours again and am feeling nasty today. I think it is because I have pushed myself too hard.

Some pretty flowers from last spring

But, I had an amazing evening with a very dear friend last night. Have you ever met someone that you felt you just connected with? That would be L. She is amazing. We laughed, bitched about life and its hurts right now, watched a movie, made an amazing dinner and just chilled. It was so nice. We are going to try to make this a weekly thing at least. Her man is out of town and so is mine so it works!

Speaking of man, MINE IS POSSIBLY COMING HOME TONIGHT! For today and tomorrow and then gone for a long time but still. I will take what I can get. Not too picky! I can't wait. He can cheer me up against the old people that are here driving me crazy. Oh, that would be my dad and his fiance. Yes you read that right. He is engaged. The wedding is in 3 1/2 months and is going to be a gong show! Hopefully she can pull off the amazing day she wants. I have done all I can to help so far but I am done. Other than flowers? I am stepping back. It is just not a comfortable thing to help with.

So, plans for the weekend? WAY too much tv and laziness. Some hearty good healthy meals. Cuddles with Hubby. Maybe a movie out. And that is all! I am relaxing and breathing because I have a lot to do next week and I need a breather this weekend. I need my body to recover and this is what it is wanting today.

My baby. Isn't she cute?

Joy Dare
Day 27: 3 gifts that might never have been

life as I know it. Had Husband and I not made the huge decision to leave our families and friends and move far away, we never would have made it to where we are today
My puppy. Not a dog person, but have fallen in love with her. Had I not read late one night on some random website that they are good for helping with healing, I never would have bought her for Husband and would never have had my little companion. She is my sanity some days!
Healing. Had mom not died, or had I not gotten so far down after that I was desperate, I never would have gone to Ultimate Leadership and gotten the healing that I needed so bad. Not to say that it was good that she died, but it helped me get healing on a lot of hurts that I am not sure I ever would have faced or dealt with.

Joy Dare

Day 28: 3 graces found in your friends

Support. They are always here for me even when I don't deserve them.
Prayer. I have a few friends that I know are prayer warriors on my behalf and I appreciate it more than they will ever know.
Laughter in the hardest times. It takes an amazing friend to make you laugh when you are at your lowest. I am one of those people that needs to laugh. Whether at a movie, a book, a joke or or just something random. Always makes my day better.

A real post!!!!!!

2012-01-26T19:20:00.000-07:00

I made cornbread! On a diet. Yes I did. It sucked. The smell of cornbread? A new favorite.

Sour Cream Cornbread

1 1/2 cups cornmeal

1/2 cup flour

1 1/2 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp baking soda

1/2 tsp salt

1 cup sour cream

1 can cream style corn

3 eggs

6 Tbsp butter, melted

Preheat oven to 450

Combine dry ingredients.

Combine wet ingredients.

Whisk them all together.

Put 2 Tbsp butter in bottom of cast iron pan.

Heat on high on element till melted and pan is hot.

Pour batter into pan.

Cook for one minute.

Put in the oven and bake for 20-25 minutes until toothpick comes out clean.

Enjoy!

Seriously? This is the most amazing corn bread ever. Seriously amazing. I served it with chili.

Joy Dare

Day 26: a gift before 9 am, before noon, after dark

my bed. Seriously. Who doesn't love those times in the morning when the air is crisp, you are toasty warm in bed and you are slowly waking up!
breakfast. Hashbrowns, eggs, chorizo sausage, breakfast wraps, tomatoes, cheese, toast, waffles...yummmmmm
giggle time with Husband. We love to lay in bed and talk. That is our dreaming time. Laughing, talking, giggling, wrestling and cuddles. I love this time.

baths. I love bubble baths and have them almost every night! A good book, candles and bubbles and I am good to go! (I did two for this one because I wanted to. Deal with it!)

Chili and Cornbread Fiances and Fake Smiles

2012-01-25T12:58:00.001-07:00

BEST CORNBREAD EVER!!!!!

Ok. So yes I am on my diet and I can't eat this but Dad and his "lady friend" are coming tonight and I happen to have some amazing chili in my freezer just waiting to be used! To go along with it I am making cornbread. I will blog the recipe and pictures tomorrow!

Due to my body deciding to be a bitch (excuse the language) I have cancelled all my meetings yet again today and am trying to take it easy. I am giving myself till Monday to pull out of this sickness and then life has to continue. Oh, have I mentioned that I LOST WEIGHT!!!!!! I can't wait to tell you how much. Best post gorge day yet.

Joy Dare
Day 25: One grace borrowed, one grace found, one grace inherited

Borrowed: strength. I have borrowed or piggy backed on someone else's strength more than once. It is a beautiful thing when you can hold someone else up and feed them your strength. A huge thank you to all the people in my life that have ever done that for me. Husband? You are a rock. Thank you.
Serving: I have a huge desire to serve. I love to host people, which causes problems when I am sick, I love to give things away, and I just love to help! I did not realize this was a gift for a long time. I just did it. I remember the day that someone pointed it out to me and I was shocked. Thanks God for this gift and desire.
The gift of gab. Enough said.

And some smiles for you today:

The Crack Calendar

Joy Dare yet again!

2012-01-24T19:18:00.001-07:00

Found my new challenge for next month! You will like this one!

SO, today was the first day of dieting. Wow. Forgot how much I pee on this diet. Wow. It went good though. I find I am not even hungry enough to eat what I am supposed to. I am so tired! I pushed myself too hard yesterday and am paying for it today. I went to one business meeting today and that is all. I got the room together for the Girlfriend (it will be OK Tammy. I am cheating on lots of other things) and just laid around. I hate feeling useless. HATE IT! In case you didn't realize it.

So, I have a lot of friends in Terrace BC. Please for the love of all that is holy, can you google the snow pics of there right now? Global BC facebook page has some too (thanks Amelia). It is crazy! I had a friend last night drive around and take pictures of snow for me. It is nuts! I wish I was there! Kinda. OK. Not really. I bought Netflix again recently and am addicted! I am not sure why. There is not that much stuff on there. And I get addicted to ridiculous shows! Like 90210. The new one. Is it just me or is that main girl (blond one) really freakin annoying! And not that hot! Just sayin!

Joy Dare
Day 24: 3 things blue (stop laughing Husband)

Husbands eyes. Seriously. He has the most amazing eyes ever. They are the most amazing blue ever. I love it too when he is swimming. His eye lashes clump up and they make his eyes even more amazing.
My favorite color. I go between aqua blue, teal, navy, sky...I am not picky. I love blue.
My heart. Sometimes it is just sad.

Oh, you should know that I started the diet at 194.2 lbs. I think. That or 193! I will let you know. I have it written down somewhere. That makes it 4 lbs regular gain (every time I stop this diet I gain 4 lbs. No rhyme or reason. I just do. And then I just sit at that weight.), 1 lb from just me and 4 lbs from the gorge. I usually gain more on gorge but I am OK with this! I stopped all those months ago at 184 lbs. and am happy with how I have done. I will let you know how I do from now on! But you won't see numbers for awhile. I don't want Husband to know how I am doing and want to surprise him so I will post numbers again next time he is home. Sorry!

Texting is the devil.

2012-01-23T19:49:00.002-07:00

Only to my marriage. Husband left today for a couple weeks and only has wifi. No cell service. Which means a whole lot of texting and nothing else. Wow. Not sure how fun this will be! Hope he is having fun out there in camp at work though. He needs to be there.

So, on the home front? I think my toe is only really badly sprained and not actually broken. Body 1/2 a point. Me 1/2 a point. Due to excessive use of Rocky Mountain Soap Company's Breakout Buster

From their website

my cold sore is gone. It didn't make much of an appearance. Have you ever used this stuff? GETS RID OF EVERYTHING! Scars, acne, cold sores you name it! I love it.

I am also starting the diet tomorrow. I have done the gorge days for yesterday and today (which are nasty by the way) and now get to start the actual losing tomorrow! I can't wait. I always gain at least 5 lbs on gorge days (you eat as much fat and sugar and crap as you can for two days. To the point of feeling sick) so I always feel all fat and nasty before I start the diet. Probably why you have to do them! This will be good. I am going to lose weight!!!!!

Please pray for me. I am feeling a lot of rage and frustration right now. I am feeling useless due to the whole sick thing and it is hard on me. I like to be productive and feeling like this? Not helping with that. At all. My partner asked me to not do the festival this weekend. She thinks I should not be around her and other people being so sick. Sad thing is? I agree. I just wish I had the energy to spend cleaning my house, working, reading good stuff that I need to know and all that and didn't just want to sit on the couch watching tv or sleeping.

Dad comes on Thursday. I have to clean before then. And cook. And make up beds. Or just let them go to a hotel and eat out. Hmmmmm...... we will see. They are big kids though. Think they could do their own beds? I can whip up something unimpressive for them. As long as they are fed! Right?

Oh, and the joy dare. Here goes! (almost excited for this to be done. Need something else though to keep me going! Maybe a photo a day one! That is what I will try to find. Anyone know of one out there???)

Joy Dare

Day 23: 3 gifts found in Christ

Life
Peace
Strength

Day 1 of this craziness

2012-01-22T10:22:00.001-07:00

Today will be a random post! I will start with the Joy Dare.

Joy Dare

Day 22: one grace wrinkled, one grace smoothed, one grace unfolded

my grandma. Her skin.
a baby. Specifically my nephew. He is a blessing to our family. Love him!
a letter from a friend. An encouragement.

I am also starting the diet again today!!!!! I figure I can diet with or without mono! I am starting my gorge days today. Not looking forward to it but am excited to lose more weight. I am trying for the full 6 weeks this time. We will see how I do! I am hoping to lose at least 30 lbs. I will let you know how that goes. And one day? I will post a picture of me again! I am nervous, as I struggled with the eating disorder aspect last time, but am feeling a lot stronger this time. At this point, I am focusing on this set and I am going to take it from there. I am no sure where I want to end up. I have an idea in my head, but at the end of the day? I don't know. I see super skinny people and think YEAH! That is what I want! And then I see other people and think wow. I like the look of some curves. At the point where I just need to do these 6 weeks and go from there! I am honestly hoping I feel hot at the end of this session so I don't have to do another one! I think I will need one more though. If that is the case though, I will be done by summer! And that would be good. Now I need a personal stylist to take me shopping and teach me how to have style and dress cool! (the pics are all off pinterest)

I am off to have a happy (albeit tired) day with Husband. I am going to eat too much and try to get something done around this house! I am skipping church and life for a bit so that I don't happen to get anyone else sick. Have a wonderful Sunday!

Yup. I did it.

2012-01-21T19:29:00.002-07:00

It is mono.

I have all the luck! Needless to say? This joy dare is a challenge and a half this month. I promise I will be happier soon! MY BLOG WILL GET BETTER AGAIN!!!!!

Joy Dare
Day 21: one thing in the sky, one thing from your memory, one thing that's ugly-beautiful

planes. You need them to fly away on amazing vacations
Husband. Me. Our first kiss. I can still remember the fuzzy in my tummy. Still think about it often.
The one and only teddy bear he ever got me. Ugliest thing I have ever seen. Claims he spent months looking for it because it was funny. I named him Ralph because he was so ugly he made me gag and you couldn't name a teddy bear barf. (funny story, while in the hospital on drugs I told the pastor of my church this story. His name was Ralph.)

Some random tidbits

2012-01-21T13:01:00.001-07:00

to start you off today!

Joy Dare Day 20: 3 gifts you saw only when you got close up

strength-when Husband has been sick, I always feel week. Once I have gone through it though, I am always amazed at my strength. I seem to get stronger each time and it is an amazing gift from God
beauty-you often only see beauty in someone when you get close to them
friendship-a true close friendship is one of the most amazing gifts you could have. I have been blessed to have a few of these

We are pretty sure I have mono. Awesome.

It is snowing outside. Kinda pitifully, but it is trying none the less.

I hired someone to work the festival for me today. But I want to go and walk around and look at it anyways! And maybe eat some food!

Husband is leaving tomorrow for three weeks for work. My heart is breaking. I am going to miss him so much.

I start my diet on Monday and this is cool because I will be noticeable smaller next time I see him!

I am exhausted and want to have a nap! Heading to a walk in clinic today.

My puppy is back and is attached to me. She is so cuddly it is almost funny. I am loving it.

I will be back later for today's joy dare and a doctor update!

OMG....

2012-01-19T22:54:00.001-07:00

did I really just type that?

I have to do this Joy thing. Just a sec.

Ok. I am ready.

Joy Dare
Day 19: a grace in the kitchen, a grace in the weather, a grace that might never have been

Easy! I made dinner tonight and it rocked!!!! I made tater tot casserole. Yuck. I know, right? I was craving some comfort food and so I rocked the kitchen and made one that was awesome. The reason this is a grace? Husband was starved and he LOVED IT! Let me tell you what I did.

In a pot/bowl/9x13 pan mix 1 cut up rotisserie chicken, 2 cans mushroom soup, 1 small can black beans, 1 cup or corn, 1 TBSP chipotle chili powder (or less if you want it not as hot), 1/2 a can of chopped green chillies and some onion.
Mix well. Place in baking dish of choice. I made it in my new Le Creuset because IT IS AMAZING! and I can't stop using it.
Layer tater tots on top
Sprinkle with cheese ( I used a salsa cheddar that was sampled to me today from a vendor. Wow. Can I just say amazing?????)
Bake at 375 for 45 minutes or longer if you want the taters crunchier
Eat

We have had the most nasty week of weather. Actually, it has just been cold, other than that? BY THE GRACE OF GOD, it has been amazing! It is supposed to warm up this weekend again for another really mild streak. This whole winter has been one huge odd winter as far as weather goes. But I am ok with that!
I get to go work at the festival again tomorrow. I am hoping and praying that I feel better by then! But if not? I have a worker ready to do it for me! This is abnormal. She is even really excited to do half my weekend for me. YEAH!

Needless to say, I am feeling a little more chipper today. I also had an amazing meeting today where I was told that the vendors I deal with talk to each other and they all think that I am super nice and good to deal with. Wow. I needed a positive sign so bad. Thanks God. You rock.

Oh me oh my

2012-01-18T23:01:00.004-07:00

Joy Dare

Day 18: 3 gifts from God's word

Hebrews 13:5

"I will never leave you or forsake you"

Psalm 18

The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer,
My God, my rock, in whom I take refuge;
My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
I call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised,
And I am saved from my enemies.

Psalm 139

O LORD, you have examined my heart
      and know everything about me.
   ² You know when I sit down or stand up.
      You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.
   ³ You see me when I travel
      and when I rest at home.
      You know everything I do.
   ⁴ You know what I am going to say
      even before I say it, LORD.
   ⁵ You go before me and follow me.
      You place your hand of blessing on my head.
   ⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
      too great for me to understand!

   ⁷ I can never escape from your Spirit!
      I can never get away from your presence!
   ⁸ If I go up to heaven, you are there;
      if I go down to the grave,^[a] you are there.
   ⁹ If I ride the wings of the morning,
      if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
   ¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me,
      and your strength will support me.
   ¹¹ I could ask the darkness to hide me
      and the light around me to become night—
      ¹² but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.
   To you the night shines as bright as day.
      Darkness and light are the same to you.

   ¹³ You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
      and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
   ¹⁴ Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
      Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
   ¹⁵ You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
      as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
   ¹⁶ You saw me before I was born.
      Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
   Every moment was laid out
      before a single day had passed.

   ¹⁷ How precious are your thoughts about me,^[b] O God.
      They cannot be numbered!
   ¹⁸ I can’t even count them;
      they outnumber the grains of sand!
   And when I wake up,
      you are still with me!

   ¹⁹ O God, if only you would destroy the wicked!
      Get out of my life, you murderers!
   ²⁰ They blaspheme you;
      your enemies misuse your name.
   ²¹ O LORD, shouldn’t I hate those who hate you?
      Shouldn’t I despise those who oppose you?
   ²² Yes, I hate them with total hatred,
      for your enemies are my enemies.

   ²³ Search me, O God, and know my heart;
      test me and know my anxious thoughts.
   ²⁴ Point out anything in me that offends you,
      and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

February 1st 2012

2012-01-18T22:53:00.005-07:00

So, I am not feeling too joyful today. I will do the joy dare in another post. But, I am feeling hopeful.

I have been really struggling these last few months with my view of myself and my confidence. To say that the roommate situation beat me down is an understatement. I have not been myself and it is now harming me and my mind, soul, body and business.

Tonight, Husband and I had a talk. I am setting up some huge goals for myself for this year. I need your help. Can you guys keep me accountable? You know if you have read this blog for more than a week that I use this blog as a little too much of a personal diary. I spew out information that no one is usually interested in reading, yet I am honest and will tell you if I am failing myself. If nothing else? I can look back in one month, two months, etc and see how far I have come. So here they are.

Lose weight. OK. I know. I have already said this, but what I have not said is how scared I am to lose more. I have a fear of being skinny. I realized that this week. Not so much skinny as "normal". What if I look ugly? What if people still look at me funny? (like I imagine they do now) What if I have no self control and can't actually lose any more? SO? I am kicking myself in the ass and getting on with it. I am starting the diet again. Like next Monday. As in Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday and voila! Gorge days starting on Monday. Wow. Had no idea how soon that was :) I am going to do one 6 week session, stop for as long as I need to and then do another at least 3 week session. I have booked a professional photographer for April so I need to look hot by then. That is the plan at least and I am going to try! I am up a few pounds right now, hovering at 189 but that is OK. I am doing a steak day tomorrow (seeing as how I am feeling sick anyways, who cares!) and that will set me back to my goal weight. I should be able to lose (fingers crossed) about 35-45 lbs between now and my birthday. So. Am I excited? Not really. Am I stubborn? No. Not lately. But I am going to do this. And do a good job of it. And I am going to lose the weight and celebrate a way healthier me. A bigger post on what and how soon. I promise. And Tammy, wanna do it with me?????

Time to take this?

To this. Ok, maybe not this small. I was a little sick at this point, but a happy medium would be good.

Read. I want knowledge. I want to learn more about my business and how to grow it. I want to buy books and read the ones I have and find articles. I want to retain the knowledge and do something with it. I want to succeed. I want to make my business huge. And I finally have a reason. I want to help people. I want to do missions in my own way. I want to find something I am passionate about and sink my teeth into it. I want to help the poor. I want to feed people. I want to give stuff and money away. I can only do that if I have something and money. I want to read. I want to go to seminars and conferences and be so passionate about what I do. I want to excel. I want to meet people and have them feel my passion. I want to help my current "employees" to excel and succeed. I want this. And as of February 1st, I will do it. I am vowing to spend at least 30 minutes a day reading. Something that will give me knowledge. I am on the hunt. I will do this. I will build this business and I will make myself proud. I will not let people beat me down and make me feel useless. I will do this.

I am starting this book and the study guide that I have to go with it.

Become involved in a church. I am not sure how to do this yet. I am thinking a small group but my schedule is so random that I am not sure. I am going to start with finding a church. One that makes me excited to join it. I am going to start by trying a few new churches and taking a serious look at what I want. I want music. I want passion. I want young couples. I want a group of people that don't care as much about the building and what they are wearing as they do about God and their hearts. I am on the search.

I want to be a better me. I want to give more time to making me feel real. I want more time to find hobbies, more time to cook and enjoy life. I want to ignore the family issues and just live. I am sick of being sad. I am sick of being depressed. I am not saying I will not hurt, but I am going to try to over come.

Save enough money to go to "Ultimate Leadership" next winter. I have been twice and I want to go one more time. I want to fix more of me and see how much better of a leader I can be.

So these are my lofty goals. I will make sure I let you know how I am doing in all these areas. We will see! I want it. I do want to do these things and I start Monday.

Can I do it?

Why do we all believe in something?

2012-01-17T20:48:00.003-07:00

This was the question that Husband asked me as we were driving around town today for work.

This would be part of the Joy Dare. Bare with me.

Day 17: one gift that made you laugh, one gift that made you pray, one gift that made you quiet

Laugh: Husband. Seriously. He knows what I need. All. The. Time. Last night, he tickled me till I almost peed my pants. As I was ready to kill him, I stopped and thought "wow. That is the first time I have laughed in over a week". That is unlike me. I needed that laugh so bad. Thanks babe

Pray: On of my co-workers (not sure what to call the store owners) has been trying to get his wife here from Afghanistan for 18 months. She is sick and needing medical help that she cannot get there. He flies there twice a year to be with her but she is in a really dangerous area and it is very hard on them. (he is from there originally). I stopped by his store today and found out that the Canadian Embassy there granted her Visa (a year earlier than expected) and now are just waiting for the paperwork so that she can finally move here. I laughed, almost cried, left and then prayed and thanked the Lord that I live in such a safe place. Yes, it is dangerous, but when you hear stories of bombs shaking pictures of the walls of the room you are sleeping in, it feels pretty darn safe if you ask me. What an amazing country we are lucky enough and blessed enough to have! YEAH CANADA!!!!

Quiet. The question above. Why do we? Why are people constantly searching? And what a way for Satan to get in there and destroy people. I love God. I am not ashamed of that. I am a Christian and I believe. But how can people believe a cult/religion that tells you to hate people? To kill people? To kill yourself? There are some screwed up beliefs out there right now. Some scary ones. I think that we live in a world of people that are all searching. For a better spouse, a better job, a better haircut, a better life. If we believe in Karma, it makes us better. If we believe in reincarnation it will make us nicer to things and people (that mosquito you killed? Could be my relative!!!) If we believe that we are right and everyone else is wrong, it gives us validation in our screwed up thoughts. I am always annoyed that people only pray when life is hard. I am one of those people sometimes. I annoy myself. But why are we always searching? Are we ever just content with what we have?

On that note, Husband and I have felt like we were going backwards for the last year. Like we are in limbo. Like we are not doing anything big. Is it that we are? Going backwards that is, or are we just not moving forward at such an extreme rate that we feel lost. I have been thinking about this lots lately. Pray for some guidance for us. We are both frustrated with life right now.

But other than all that deep stuff? We are good. Husband was home today which was frustrating but amazing for me as I was needing a chauffeur. I love our time together. As much as we need the money of working? These days are amazing. It was also insanely cold today! It is supposed to drop to -37 celsius tonight. That is freakishly cold! Time for some more hot chocolate!

Oh, I never posted any pictures of our yard this summer! Here are a few when it was still fairly green.

Yes. I needed to weed. I liked the jungle feel! This is leading the the back corner of the yard.

This yard had some sort of flower blooming all summer.

Looking up from the top picture. So green!

Towards the other corner. It is a huge yard! Anyone want to come and garden for me?

My cousins kids playing catch with our dog.

Huge flowering bushes surrounding the deck

Monday monday....

2012-01-16T12:20:00.002-07:00

ah ah! La la la la la

Isn't there a song about that?

So? How was your weekend? Mine? Yeah. But in good news.... I SHOWERED!!!! I know. Are you not so proud of me? Ok. So I have showered every day and bathed at least 2 times a day for the last week being sick, but today? I actually shaved things. And I did my hair after! And I put on deodorant and makeup. I know. TMI. Deal with it. I am proud. I will not tell you that I had to have a nap after because I was so tired or that it took me over an hour to do all that when normally it would take me about 15 minutes. But that is ok. I will get better!

Joy Dare

Day 16: 3 ways I witnessed happiness today

Ok. This one is funny. I AM BY MYSELF! I HAVE SEEN NO ONE ELSE ALL DAY!

how after wearing no makeup for a week, how pretty I felt with mascara on
the number on the scale this morning. Still doing ok!
how much sleep I have had this weekend! And how I am telling my boss to screw off and taking the majority of today off as well. I have tv to watch, dinner to make, laundry to do and pills to pop. Wow. That sounded bad.

Oh, and by the way? I peeked and can't wait to post tomorrows crack calendar for you to enjoy. Love that thing!

I should also send a shout out to my brother! It was his birthday yesterday and I didn't phone him. I talked to him on Saturday and said Happy Birthday. Was not feeling up to chatting yesterday. He might forgive me one day. Wanna see him?

This is a long time ago, but it is him and my mom. Love this picture. My mom with her big smile and him being a dork. Quite typical of him!

LOVE YOU ERKY! YOU ARE A PUNK, YOU STINK AND YOU ARE HAIRY, BUT I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING! I HOPE YOU HAD AN AMAZING DAY AND WERE SPOILED ROTTEN! PROUD OF YOU AND CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!

and yes. That was yelled at him. Loudly. In case his hearing is going. He is old you know.

Snow.....beautiful snow

2012-01-15T22:35:00.001-07:00

So I have been informed that I am not allowed to blog again about feeling sick.

So there. I won't. :)

I will continue the Joy Dare though.

Day 15: one thing you wore, one thing you gave away, one thing you shared

I have worn only pyjamas for days! And a bra. I cannot go without a bra. I will wear one with pyjamas until it is bed time and only then will I take it off. My weird quirk. (according to spell check, that is how you spell pj's, is that right? Looks funny)
I have given away a lot! Ask anyone who has come to my house. I am odd though. If you ask for something? You get nothing. If you say nothing? I will give you everything. Please is also a magic word for me. Once you figure that out? You have me under your power! Funny how some people just don't figure me out!
I hope that I have not shared my illness! Well, in a way, I hope that someone nasty got it. Not sure who though as I have been in my house for days. Maybe tomorrow I will go out and spread the wealth! This is a gooder you see and I would hate to keep it all to myself.

Oh, I decided today what I am going to do.

I am going to sell everything off, grab Husband and some plane tickets and move here:

Hello Travel.com

This is Fraser Island in Australia. Pretty, right? I am then going to work here:

payvand.com

and live the rest of my life happily ever after. Sounds good, right? If you could have any dream in the world, live anywhere, do anything, what would it be? I NEED SOME COMMENTS PEOPLE!!!!!!

Joy Dare again....

2012-01-14T21:06:00.000-07:00

and not feeling so joyful.

So, this little head cold I had? Yup. Went to the doctor yesterday as I was continually getting worse to find out I have a double ear infection and strep throat. Yes. You read that right. And I feel lovely. PLEASE note the sarcasm. Wow. I am perma drugged and feeling quite nasty today. I got 16 hours of sleep last night, woke up having just broken a fever dripping wet. It was amazing. Poor Husband has been getting me juice and doing laundry all day. He is amazing. I am trying to find some joy in this day and the only thing I can think of? It is snowing. We have not had snow in over a month. There was green grass people. I live in northern Canada. We don't have green grass in January.

Source of picture

So here I go. Trying to be joyful. If I looked less like death? It would be easier.

Joy Dare

Day 14: 3 ways you glimpsed the startling grace of God

the fact that I am not at the festival this weekend. I would not be able to do it if I was feeling like this. I guess this is grace.
Husband is alive. I have stood in a hospital room way too many times and been told that they were concerned for his life. To say goodbye. To call the friends and family. He is alive. And doing good. Every day is a gift and one more grace from God.
My nieces and nephews. These are kids that have been beaten and abused, drugged and forgotten about. By the grace of God, some government official finally took them from their mom and they are in our family now. When I look at them I see grace. They are hurting, they are lost at times, they are now having to deal with their pasts and I am proud of them. I hope that they are healed and good to go! (as odd as that sounds) before they are adults. Too many of us wait too long to deal with our lives and suffer more because of it. I love them soooooo much.

Ok. So that was easier than I thought. Thanks God.

Husband leaves for work again in the morning. I am home this weekend just watching too much tv! And enjoying every moment. Please pray that my self esteem stays high. When I am sick, I feel so mentally weak and it makes me scream! I all of a sudden am useless, fat, ugly, unlovable, dumb, etc etc etc. You should have heard my breakdown last night! Poor guy. Husband just giggled at me and loved me anyways. Please pray that my brain shuts down and my body heals rapidly.

Thanks.

Joy Dare

2012-01-13T11:01:00.001-07:00

Day 13: 3 sounds you hear

not a whole lot! My ears are really plugged.
The hum of my computer and the click of the keys as I type
The creaks of my house. I kinda like this house most days. The huge tall ceilings, the little rooms everywhere. It is starting to make me happier. I am hoping to hear my body crash on the couch in a minute with the TV on in a second.

Yet another day of being sick. Can I tell you my epic moment? My house is a mess due to my insane schedule lately. I finally had a few days to work and breathe and clean this week and now I died. So today, while puking, I grabbed the Lysol wipes and cleaned the toilet. How is that for getting it done! Now that I type that, I think I am nuts. Hoping Husband comes home soon and does some house work for me. I can't handle this nastiness for much longer yet have absolutely no energy to do it myself.

I did get "The Crack Calendar" for Christmas and I had to share this one with you. Is that not too funny? It made me laugh.

I am going to have some tea and soup and go lay down. I promise these posts will get a little less whiny soon! When I am feeling better.

Have a great day!

Joy Dare

2012-01-12T20:52:00.001-07:00

Day 12: something above you, something below you, something beside you

yesterday I was at the Muttart. Amazing place. It is beautiful. At one point I was standing in the tropical pyramid and looking up at the palm trees with the blue sky behind. I just could not stop thinking about how amazing our God is to make all that beauty. I love that place.
Mom. Last week was the 4 year mark since she died. It has been hard. Incredibly hard. Does it ever get easier? I stood at her grave with my sobbing niece on NYE and just could not believe that she was there. I guess in spirit I know she isn't, but her body is. I just want to see her.
Husband. I could not have dreamt up a better man. Seriously. He makes me crazy, drives me mad and loves me so much it hurts all at the same time. Could I ask for more?

Today was a weird day. I woke up feeling like I had died. That is always lovely :) I grabbed Dad and went to do some work running around. I got it all done in a few hours when he asked if he should take her ring shopping or go himself and if I would look with him. Umm.....no. I wanted to scream! But I went. How odd is that! "Here....try this one on! Wow. That is beautiful! Double my budget but that is OK" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I screamed this loudly in my head the entire time. I talked to him yesterday about how it feels like he is separating himself from us and how I am kinda mad at him! I understand that he is in love and needs to put his relationship in the front, but he can't forget us. She has been around for 3 months. We have been here for 30+ years. It is hard though. I don't want to come across as a bitch, but at the same time? IS HE BLIND????? He acts like life is perfect and we are all just in the background. He didn't say much. He asked me to give his examples, I did... a lot of them, and then he asked if I had read some book. Wow. Way to change the subject.

I will be OK. Just remind me to not go ring shopping again. I am pretty sure he will be engaged in the next few weeks. He denies it yet doesn't. Does that make any sense? He says no, then says that they talk about it constantly and are waiting for the ring to make all these huge decisions like where to live and what to do for work and such. And then makes comments like " well? We will just have to put a ring on that finger so things are more final!" Not sounding like someone willing to wait much longer.

But in other news? Husband rocked tonight and made me dinner. I was so sick yesterday and made stew and told him he had to tonight and he did. Thanks Husband. You are amazing. Thank you for your patience with your sick wife. I am trying to get better! I promise!!!

I should go. I hear a bubble bath calling my name! And maybe some more Nyquil?

Ugh

2012-01-11T18:42:00.001-07:00

I am sick with the nastiest head cold right now. But here goes.

Day 11: 3 yellow things that strike you as fresh mercy

The sun. No matter what we do, it comes up every day. I live in an area of the world where I see it almost every day. I am amazed at how happy it can make me. How even when it is freezing cold out, the warmth of the sun on my back from a window can warm me all the way through. It is just there. Can you imagine never having it?
Post it notes. Husband leaves me little love notes on them. The yellow always makes me smile.
No idea.

I have no brain today. I am heading to bed right now.

Please pray that I get healthy.

I feel horrible.

Joy Dare Day 10

2012-01-10T16:50:00.002-07:00

Day 10: a gift that's sour, a gift that's sweet, a gift that's Just. Right.

work sometimes. Today? it is sour. Hopefully tomorrow it is sweet!
Love. Feeling loved and appreciated. When my nieces came running at me the other day and hugged me. Felt so loved.
Sweet Chili Roasted Cashews. They are amazing every time. I just ate a package now. Hoping it will help me get over this head cold!

Yeah. I am sick. Thought I just had a sore throat from yelling too much on the weekend and it has turned into a major sinus infection I think. Head cold at least. I feel like crap! I had a business meeting today and when she showed up she apologized for feeling so gross and then we realized we had the same thing. It was a quick and quiet lunch! I laid on the couch all afternoon trying to relax and get better. I have a full day tomorrow but if I need to? I can be sick again on Thursday. Too much to do though this week. Such is life! We don't get sick when we have time to be, do we!!! I think I am going to make a pot of soup for dinner. I just need the energy to go downstairs and do it.

We will see. Thinking corn chowder. That could taste good today!

Joy Dare

2012-01-09T23:10:00.000-07:00

Day 9: a gift in your hand, a gift you walked by, a gift you sat with

This one is hard!

A gift in your hand-I would say my phone. How pathetic is that! Husband made me get a phone years ago and it is my sanity some days! I am no longer tied to my office, out of touch from people or alone. I can always call someone.
A gift I walked by-on my way to my office tonight to write this, I walked past the light wreaths that Husband hung up for me. He climbed a ladder (he is terrified of heights) up 17 feet to hang them in the window above our entrance for me. Not sure they will ever come down! But I love them and seeing them makes me so happy
I sat with my brother and his family on my couch tonight. My nephew smiled and giggled in my arms and it made me happy. A little sad, but happy. I am realizing more and more how hard it is to not be a mom but at the same time how happy I am for my siblings and family. Falling hard for that little boy though. I will admit that :)

Above and beyond this? My dad was OK. Husband was out of town all day. I woke too late, worked for about 5 hours, had a nap which is always nice, worked a little more, watched TV, put away laundry and then watched more TV! Could be an issue. All that TV watching. It was good though. My lunch date cancelled but I get the Muttart later this week so I will be OK.

How was your day?

January's Joy Dare

2012-01-09T12:01:00.001-07:00

So I have been having some January blues this month and saw this on my friends blog and have decided to copy it! Thanks Lollie! Check out her blog mylifeaslollie.blogspot.com

So, I am a lot of days behind, but I will play catch up today and then go from there!

You can find the original dare at thttp://www.aholyexperience.com/2012/01/the-1-habit-your-new-year-cant-do-without-giveaway/

Day 1: Three things about yourself you are grateful for

My smile. I sat with a group of homeless men last night at a festival visiting and they said the only reason they would talk to me was because of my smile. It was an amazing experience. They were all volunteers from a local shelter and were recovering addicts. They were beautiful people.
My heart. I have a huge heart. It gets me in trouble. I hurt for people and love them way too much.
My eyes. They tell my story. They sparkle when I am happy. Twinkle when I am being mischievous, go dull when I am sad and look tired when I hurt.

Day 2: A gift outside, inside on a plate

Outside: the lack of snow and ice for driving. Making this city easier to get around in!
Inside: my comfy home. I am happy to be in it.
Plate: the amazing caramelized onion, bacon, egg and provolone wrap I had yesterday at the festival.

Day 3: 3 lines you overheard that were graces

Love you babe.
You can do it! You are amazing at these things!
Thank you so much for that food. You fed 300 people that would have gone hungry tonight.

Day 4: One gift old, new and blue

Old: friendships. I love reconnecting with old friends that have been here forever.
New: my Le creuset pot. I am in love.
Blue: the walls in my office. They make me feel peaceful.

Day 5: Something you are reading, you're making, you're seeing

Reading: Kisses from Kaitie. Amazing book
Making: A paper flower. I will post pictures if I ever finish it!
Seeing: I am heading to the Muttart again this week and can't wait to see the new flower display!

Day 6: One thing in your bag, your fridge, your heart

Bag: too many things of lip stuff
Fridge: cheese. 11 different kinds of cheese.
Heart: Husband. I am falling more in love with him daily right now. His support, kindness and love amaze me.

Day 7: 3 graces from people you love

Husband who did all the laundry and cleaned the house when I was gone this week and then cuddled on the couch to watch a movie with me last night when he was crazy tired and had to go to bed
My family who love me no matter what
My friend K that came up to help at the festival even when we didn't need her and had to send her home.

Day 8: Light that you caught, a reflection that surprised you a shadow that fell lovely

The light in the eyes of the man I met last night when I just sat and talked with him.
My comfort level at sitting and talking with that group of men
The 4 year mark of my mom passing yesterday and being able to get through it with some happy memories. For some reason, this year has been harder than others.

I am looking forward to doing the rest of the days. Some are easy, some are hard but it is good to think of these things.

Have a wonderful Monday world!

Alive

2012-01-09T00:47:00.002-07:00

I am still here.

I will post a real/non Christmas post tomorrow.

4 years ago today my mom died.

I have been working the festival 14 hours a day for the last 4 days.

I am exhausted.

And sad.

Happiness and life again tomorrow.

Christmas fun

2012-01-04T13:05:00.001-07:00

So, this was not our "year" to do Christmas, but somehow managed to do it anyways!

My sister, brother and I and our families met

at my dads place for New Years Eve and a few extra days.

Here are a few photos to prove it!

I did not take very many. Maybe next year!

I made Dad buy a tree. He got two little tiny ones that we put on a table. My nieces and I decorated them.

Presents for the Grandkids

My niece

Husband. wow. Probably the worst picture of him ever! Love you babe!

My brother, trying out for sexiest man of the year award, with his son and my two nieces

My dad. Poor guy was sick and didn't move from this chair.

Some barbie thing I built for my niece. That stuff is insane these days!

My nephew and his lego. Love this kid.

The boys did a gingerbread train. Supposedly it was in an accident.

We made a house. Those are some mad skills I tell you!

My accomplice and I. She is too fun!

Resolutions

2012-01-03T20:19:00.000-07:00

I am pushing through the stress and thought I needed something else to think of!

So here they are.

My new years resolutions for 2012

Lose 45 lbs. I did 36 last year and am positive I can do it again. I am at 190 right now (gained a few over Christmas...oops!) and am thinking that somewhere between 140-150 would be good. I am going to start my diet again in March. Or at least that is the plan. I will let you know!

Go on one vacation of some sort with just Husband and I. I have a business trip in April to a place far away. Going to see if I can bring Husband and go on a road trip from there.

Finish my cookbook that I started. My 365 day meal plan. I am done picking recipes for the most part. Now I have to put it together.

Less TV and more puzzles. I am working on this one right now. It is a 1000 pieces and might drive me to drink. No clean lines at all. Ouch.

Figure out how to incorporate exercise into my life. I'll be honest. I hate it. But I know that I need it. I want to start swimming again. I am planning on going next Tuesday. I mean I AM going next Tuesday. For the first time in years. I have bought the pass. I want to start doing something at least 2 times a week.

Find a way to decrease and deal with my stress. I know I will have it. It will never be gone, but how to deal with it while it is here so that I don't lose my mind would be nice! I am sick of the anxiety attacks. My heart races, I get hot all over, I have nightmares, etc. Not lovely.

Enjoy a part of each day. And hopefully blog about it! I have done so much better with my blog lately and want to continue it.

I think those are it. I am going to work hard at them. I will let you know how they go! Btw? I love that bottom picture of me. I love that I am skinnier now. I hope my bathing suit still fits! But I have to admit. If not? It will be fun finding a new one :)

Pray

2012-01-02T19:19:00.002-07:00

Christmas was too stressful.

Husband is sick.

Festival prep starts tomorrow.

Work stress apart from festival is piling up.

Feeling kinda lost.

Pray please.

Goodbye 2011, Hello 2012!

2011-12-31T17:00:00.000-07:00

I did this last year and thought it would be fun to do again! Enjoy!

The New Year Meme: 2011

1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before?

Not go anywhere! We did not travel at all!
Moved in with another family

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I did! For the first time if forever I kept most of them! I lost weight, cooked more, went out and did more and took more risks!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

My brother and his wife had a lovely little boy and I think that is all!

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Thankfully, no. Not this year. Hopefully not for a while!

5. What countries did you visit?

Just Canada. And only for work.

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?

More fun! I want to take more risks, spend more time with family and love Husband more

7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

None. And this is big. I spend much of my life recalling dates. I am actually surprised at this one!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Figuring out a little more of who I am. Losing weight. Slowly building my confidence.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Allowing people to hurt me. Feeling inadequate a lot of the time. Not trusting God to heal me and to guide me in what I am doing.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Had to deal with some "lady" issues. Ongoing but nothing major

11. What was the best thing you bought?

No idea! Concert tickets, Le Creuset with some Christmas money, an IPAD

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Husbands. He is the most amazing, hardworking, supportive man I have ever met. I love him more and more each year

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Some people that I can't name. And my own at times!

14. Where did most of your money go?

Bills. And maybe some toys. And concert tickets.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Christmas as it was different this year. Making a new friend. Music!

16. What song will always remind you of 2010?

Our girls day theme song by Bruno Mars. I can't remember the name buy could sing it for you!

"Her eyes, her eyes, make the stars look like they're not shining, her hair her hair falls perfectly without her trying, she's so beautiful....and I tell her everyday!"

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?

a) both. b) THINNER!!!!!! c) much poorer! but things are looking a little more positive than this time last year.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Taken better care of myself financially and mentally. Travel.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Been quiet when hurting and not standing up for myself.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

With Husbands family for a few days. My brother, wife and son for a few days, then my whole family for a few days! Will be a busy one involving a lot of driving

21. Did you fall in love in 2010?

I fell more in love with Husband, more in love with good food and more in love with some friends.

22. How many one-night stands?

Only a few. I kid, I kid. NONE!

23. What was your favorite TV program?

Oh goodness. I watch too much TV~

We have Apple TV and so I watched a lot of seasons of stuff. Really loving NCIS.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Hate is a strong word. Maybe disappointment in someone but not hate

25. What was the best book you read?

No idea! I read all the time! Book and books and more books!

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?

That I love live concerts. Michael W Smith, Edmonton Symphony Orchestra, Back Street Boys, NKOTB and a few others. Loved them all!

27. What did you want and get?
I wanted to live more. Smile more and not be as stressed. I think I succeeded.

28. What did you want and not get?

My house sold. It is now a rental. That has caused me great stress.

29. What was your favorite film of this year?

Anything with Jason Statham. I kinda like him this year! And Losers. Freakin hilarious.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 31 and did nothing! I have no idea. I don't even remember that day.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

TRAVEL!!!

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?

Finding new styles in new stores! Out with the faux hawk and nose ring and in with longer hair and nicer jewellery.

33. What kept you sane?

Paige. My dog. No doubt. And the B100 complex vitamins.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Anyone with dimples and a cute smile. Sigh

35. What political issue stirred you the most?

All the murders in this city.

36. Who did you miss?

Friends and family. I hate living so far away from everyone.

37. Who was the best new person you met?

Lisa.  Love her! So sad that she will be moving one day soon.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.

That life should be lived passionately, and don't take it so seriously!

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

Thinking the same as last year.

"You are more than the choices that you've made

You are more than the sum of your past mistakes

You are more than the problems you create

You've been remade"

- 10th Avenue North (Stolen from Heather as well.)

Best Taco Salad Ever

2011-12-30T17:00:00.000-07:00

Welcome to my happy place!

Come on in!

I am a taco junkie. And so I created this salad.

Enjoy!

Start with Taco seasoning

Add 2 cups sour cream, 3/4 cups salsa and some taco seasoning (about half a pack of the low sodium stuff). I say this because at this point? Add a little of each tasting it in between until it tastes amazing. Make it a little stronger than you would think because the salad will dilute it.

Make sure you enjoy tasting it!

A few times... with chips and some chicken!

In a large bowl, fill half way with taco chips, add a few handfuls of lettuce.

Add half a can of rinsed black beans.

Add half a can of corn.

I used a cut up rotisserie chicken, and added over half only because I was feeding hungry boys and wanted the extra protein.

A handful of chopped cilantro,

A handful of cherry tomatoes cut in half,

A few mushrooms sliced,

and a handful of cheese of your choice!

Mush it all together with spoons (to break up the chips), add the dressing and mix well.

At this point, I got so excited to eat it that I did not take a final picture!

OOPS!

It is amazing though! You have to try it. Fast, easy and you can adjust it to your tastes so easily!

Post Christmas loveliness

2011-12-28T18:52:00.000-07:00

Best.

Meal.

Ever.

I love leftovers.

A small layer of mashed potatoes

Some cut up turkey

Stuffing

Corn

Some brussel sprouts and a little gravy

Heat it all up and add a scoop of cranberry sauce

Enjoy! I had this for dinner last night, will again tonight and again tomorrow!!!!!

I promise to return with regular posts soon. Just enjoying this whole Christmas thing too much!

Le Creuset

2011-12-27T18:45:00.000-07:00

I was spoiled this year.

Between money from my dad, Husbands parents and Husband, I got

I am smiling.

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-26T18:43:00.001-07:00

Merry Christmas from my family to yours!

We had a wonderful Christmas Eve and Christmas. The first time in 11 years we were with Husbands family and it exceeded both our expectations.

Here are a few photos of the insanity! I was a little busy cooking so I didn't get many pictures but you will get the idea.

My lovely brother-in-law played Santa. Doesn't he look happy?

The tree

Gift from Husband. You will see it tomorrow!

His main gift! Lego! He loves it.

Not used to waking up early for Christmas. You could say I was a little unimpressed.

The mantle with stockings

Dining room. Love the balls I hung from the ceiling! They were so fun!

Breakfast bake. Will post the recipe this week.

Fruit platter with strawberry yogurt/whip cream combo and whipped peanut butter/whip cream. Amazing. Could eat that stuff with a spoon!

Baking

And more baking!

Seriously. That peanut dip! WOW!

The lego

My very first Christmas tree decoration.

An angel from the Bahamas

Husband made this for me. Wow. I know you want one :)

Made in Kindergarten.

Nieces saying cheese. Had life a little while ago and their parents shaved their heads! They are too cute!

Ready to eat!

We had:

And just because......

My puppy

My brother and his wife are arriving today to spend some time here. We are then going to all go to my dads house and do Christmas again! Should be a fun week. Gained three pounds already. Any guesses on how much more??????

Hope that you all had as amazing a Christmas as we did.

My Famous Chip Dip

2011-12-24T01:10:00.000-07:00

This time of year, the food all seems so hearty. I feel heavy a lot of the time between the baking and buffets and dinners out. I love it! Don't get me wrong, but sometimes you just want something different.

Here is a non-deep fried appetizer that will be a hit at any party!

Freakishly Amazing Chip Dip

1 cup sour cream
1 cup cream cheese
6 tomatoes
1 green pepper
1 red pepper
1 bunch green onions
1 package bacon (or less if you want)
Salsa
Cheese

Chop green onion really fine.

Chop tomatoes really fine.

As you chop everything, put it in a sieve to get rid of some of the moisture.

Keep chopping!

I know. It is painful chopping things so small but oh so worth it in the end and you are in the middle of eating it.

Lay bacon on pan and bake till crispy. Or pan fry it. I don't like the splatter so I bake it.

Take one cup of sour cream,

Mix with one block cream cheese.

Veggies should have lost some moisture now. Mix them together.

Take cream cheese/sour cream mix and spread on the bottom of a 9x13 pan.

Top with veggies.

Pour an even layer of salsa on top. Use whatever heat you want and as thick as you want. I usually use just over half a jar like you see above.

Admire your bacon. Steal a piece or two.

Finely chop! You can use turkey bacon but use way less. It is a stronger flavor. And don't just not add it to be healthy. It will not taste as good.

Husband grating cheese for me. Love his apron!

Layer it! Cream cheese/sour cream layer
veggies
salsa
bacon
cheese of choice and as thick as you want it.

This is amazing dip. Seriously good. I only make it at Christmas because Husband and I could polish of the pan in days. Scoop some onto a plate or in a bowl and mix it up. Then eat with tortilla chips and go to town! And it tastes better the longer it sits. Give this a try for an appetizer this Christmas! I made this pan and two small ones. Planning on eating this a few times!

Christmas Menu

2011-12-21T23:30:00.002-07:00

Two hours of sleep last night and a busy day today made me crash this afternoon! So, when I was going to go take pictures and give you a few photos of my life right now, I slept. But, I worked on my Christmas day menu today so thought I would share it.

Breakfast

Pumpkin caramel pecan monkey bread
Hashbrown, egg and chorizo bake
Fruit and dip
Juice of some sort

Lunch

SNACKING!
Layer chip dip (my only Christmas tradition)
Cheese and crackers and pickles platter
Baking
Chocolates
Poppy cock popcorn

Dinner

Turkey
Ham
Gravy for both
Buttermilk mashed potatoes
Stuffing
Bacon garlic brussell sprouts
Corn
Carrot turnip veggie bake
Strawberry feta salad
Buns and butter
Cranberry Sauce

And yes. I will be cooking all day! Love it! What things do you eat? Do you have major traditions that you have to follow? What is your MUST on Christmas day?

I will try to blog it as I go with real photos and recipes!

Sleep

2011-12-21T05:20:00.001-07:00

I fully believe that sleep is highly overrated.

I am going to eat cookies now.

Real post later today.

Baking

2011-12-19T17:34:00.000-07:00

Not bacon. Baking.

My least favorite part of Christmas.

I can handle the crowds, the family, the cooking and the decorating.

Hate the baking.

So this year my cousin (Tammy) and I decided to do a baking day. Get it all over and done with. No matter how tired you are, there is something about knowing someone is counting on you to get it done that keep you going!

And we baked. Oh did we bake.

We made:

whipped short bread

picture from Simply Frugal

ginger molasses cookies

picture from mymacedoniankitchen

that chocolate roll that I had on here a few days ago (finished it, it was amazing!)

photo from redbubble

butter tarts

photo from chasingtomatoes

And let me say that none of these were small batches. I am talking 4-10 dozen each recipe.

peanut butter confetti (you know, the one with coloured marshmallows and butterscotch/peanut butter stuff around them? )

photo from treataweek

chocolate covered peanut butter balls
white chocolate cranberry cookies

photo from company's coming

rice krispie chocolate rollup
and two things that I can't pronounce. Tammy? What are they called?

To say it mildy? I am tired.

I am not cooking dinner.

I am making the boy take me out.

Once he gets home from work.

I hope.

Wow.

Scars

2011-12-18T14:06:00.000-07:00

So as I scan pictures, I am finding some interesting ones.

April 7th, 1998 I had a brain aneurysm.

I was so young and impressionable and yet so strong. I look back at it now and can't believe it was me. I actually found the photos that were taken of me in the hospital. Forgive me if they are a little gross. They are not that bad though. They are all out of order but I will try to at least explain them!

My amazing boyfriend at the time. Sat there for 2 days. I think this was actually the day of my 18th birthday.

Close to the end of the hospital stay. You can see how happy I look and how much weight I had gained already.

My brain surgeon and I

Looking at pictures. This was in the first few days. I was not as puffy and was still incredibly stoned.

The fake smiles everyone wore when they looked at me. This is my sister, mom and dad.

My lovely boyfriend, now Husband

This is the first day after surgery. Check out that scar!

At some poing during the following weeks. Not sure where all the stuffed animals came from!

Reading a card from the kids at school. April of my grade 12 year.

Day 10. They finally gave me a sponge bath and washed my hair. It felt amazing! All the nasties in my hair were disgusting.

My favorite nurse

My day in a nutshell

2011-12-17T09:25:00.001-07:00

I have been looking forward to today for way too long!

A new friend, Hello L!, and I are hanging out today. She is leaving me soon, but we decided that we don't care and we are going to become better friends anyways! Love people like that.

On the agenda today is:

Lunch

The Enjoy Center- for lunch. You should google this place. It is amazing! And oh so pretty. It is a huge greenhouse done by Lois Hole (a famous gardener) and her family. There is a cafe, restaurant, spa, grocery store (all specialty stuff), greenhouses, decor area, kitchen gadget heaven and more!

Shopping

I need to go to Davids Tea and get Husband some Mint Chocolate Rooibos. He drinks a huge mug a day. Maybe I should get stocks in this stuff! Loves him some tea. I think it is funny!

Curtains

I need curtains for our bedroom. Can't decide on a color though. Maybe I will make L decide. I should get these nasty pink ones and see what Husband says! That would be too funny. The ones that are in there now are nice, but they are more than a foot too short (hello crazy me can't handle that) and I need them for another doorway/window in our house. I have managed to reuse all the curtains that we bought for our last rental. I just need two more panels! And with nice little coupons, should not cost me too much.

A movie!

I think we are heading to go see this as well.

Other than that? We are just going to enjoy hanging out and doing whatever! I am looking forward to it. This should be a fairly quiet weekend as Husband is still out of town. I am trying to get everything done before Christmas, which we found out he doesn't have off! He is going to call today and make sure he gets it off. Not cool people. I have decided that this year I will have no stress around the holiday. I will buy my groceries, make my food, enjoy my company, smile lots and listen to too much Christmas music. So far so good! I even went to a concert last night! I went to see the Edmonton Symphony Orchestra and a huge choir (104 people) sign the entire Handel's Messiah. Wow. That is all I can say. It was amazing! I am planning to go again next year. I also want to add the Singing Christmas Tree and The Nutcracker to my repertoire for next Christmas. There is just something about music and the arts at Christmas that makes me so happy.

I should go. I need to get ready for the day and get some laundry put away. I decided that I hate folding laundry so I am just leaving it in the laundry room. Yup. I am that immature. Time to put it away. There are probably 10 loads in there! And I do have company coming on Monday. And maybe today. And actually? Maybe tomorrow!

Have a lovely last Saturday before Christmas!!!

High Five for Friday

2011-12-16T10:55:00.000-07:00

I saw this on another blog and decided to start copying it! www.thesmallthingsblog.com

"It's time for High Five for Friday! It's my top (high on the list) five things that happened/I enjoy this week. Get it? High five? And high five that it's Friday? Like you high five your friend? Have I over-explained? Over-complicated?"

This is how she described it.

So here goes!

I got a private tour (OK, there were three other people there) of the huge winter festival that Edmonton is putting on. I even got to wear a hard hat! They are in the process of building 5 huge pavilions that there will be activities at for 8 weekends in January and February. That is the Festival I keep talking about. I will be in the food area! Surprise!

Inside the Taste of Winter pavilion. Our little 9x9 booth we are serving food out of

Entrance to the food one, stairs leading to upstairs eating area, looking out into the community one.

The kids pavilion. All free activities and a 45 foot slide!

Looking up in the Brewhouse!

Inside the brewhouse

Cliff, the man in charge of all this, and I

Kids pavilion looking out at the community skating rink

Looking out at the Taste of Winter. You can see the community on in the background

The shrink wrapping process

2. Husband was home for a night in the middle of this week and we spent some of it just cuddling on the couch watching a movie. It was amazing and so peaceful. Miss that guy when he is gone.

3. Got an amazing email from a co-worker/franchisee about ideas she has and how much she enjoyed meeting me.

4. Was asked out by yet another old man (this happens often for some reason) and he told me that I broke his heart with my amazing smile. Made my day. I will admit it!

5. Found another button to push to irritate my Husband! I know. This is horrible but we live to irritate each other sometimes! We both do it and I found a good one. Off to call him now and push it a little!

When the Husband is away?

2011-12-15T22:28:00.000-07:00

Eat salad.

I am still trying to maintain my weight and doing mighty fine at it I might add. Some days? I just need to eat crap though. Yesterday? Was one of those days. Starbucks TWICE (bad I know), Red Robbins for a burger and fries and then crap again for dinner! Wow. Epic fail! But, I did not gain weight. Figure that out! So today? Decided to go a little healthier. Had a muffin for breakfast, skipped lunch (was on the LRT on my way to a meeting) and then made my favorite salad for dinner.

So here it is!

Start with some lettuce of your choice

Add a little cheese. I had this in the fridge but my favorite for this salad is Edam

Add dried cherries and almonds. Cranberries or raisins are not the same. Not sure why, but they don't taste as good.

Add some green peas. I put them in a small bowl, top with water and microwave for 2 minutes. Makes it quick!

Add this amazing dressing. I am not sure where to buy it. Probably on their web site. I get it at the Muttart in town.

Super healthy! And there is the info to buy it. Look at that! It is a more savoury dressing than sweet.

Add some quinoa

Mix in a pretty bowl and enjoy! Super high in protein, tons of goodness and yummy! If you ever come to my house, I will make it for you!

It is coming.... are you ready????

2011-12-14T21:11:00.000-07:00

You know. That C word. That thing that pops up every year and for some reason surprises people each time? That thing we learn about in preschool? That thing we are annoyed with in stores way too early? That thing that everyone who thinks they are someone makes a music CD of? ( a whole nother rant for another post) Have you figured it out yet?????

Christmas.

Wow. I know I had you going there. I do fairly well with this holiday. Other than being annoyed at other people and their lack of organization ( ahem.....family) I do good. This year I am ready WAAY far in advance. The tree is up, the presents are bought and delivered, the cards? Well, they are not happening this year. I am taking a sabbatical from cards. Next year? Be prepared for the most amazing cards ever!!!! I even have the meals all planned and the majority of groceries bought! Telling you. I am on it!

The one thing I suck at?

BAKING! For some reason, this time of year makes people think they need dessert. Cookies and cakes and squares and all these things. You see? I am not a dessert eater. Therefore I am not a dessert maker for the most part. Every once in awhile I go through phases where I bake lots. I am not in one right now. Maybe I just need a cuter cookie jar? That could be it. The solution to my problem. Oh Husband? Buy me a cute cookie jar!!! We will see how that goes. Guessing? Not so well. I will keep you posted.

Anyways. I am having Christmas at my house this year. Was supposed to be three of us. Husband me and the dog. Now? There are in laws (7) followed up (maybe overlapping) by my family (4) plus us and probably someone else I have invited yet forgotten about.

So I have to bake. I am doing a cookie baking/exchange with my amazing cousin Tammy next Monday and decided to get ahead in this whole project and make something last night.

Bear with me. The pictures? Horrible. Husband took them with my phone in nasty lighting. I am sorry. No really. I am.

This is what I made!

Melt a whole lotta cubes of semi sweet chocolate in a beautiful bowl

Melt some butter with it!

Add marshmallows and almonds

Recipe from my Grandma

Start mixing

Realize your bowl is WAY too small and transfer to a monster bowl

Mix it all up

Looks like a kids dream! Chocolate and marshmallow mess!

Take a piece of parchment paper and sprinkle with coconut

Glob it on. Oh, and I have maintained my weight loss! Just looking rather, um, chunky in these pics

Make funny faces for Husband

Sprinkle more chocolate on top and proceed to roll it up!

Decide that you have no idea what you are doing and that you are not serving this to anyone!

Huh.

Sprinkle coconut in the bottom of a pan lined with parchment paper and make the rest into squares.

Let Husband lick the bowl. And all the spoons. And the beaters.

This? I might serve.

Have you ever made this thing they call Marshmallow Roll? Did it look as sad as mine? I am scared to try it.

Maybe tomorrow!

100 things I love

2011-12-12T21:40:00.000-07:00

I am going to attempt this. Feeling kinda blah tonight with Husband back to work and the sun leaving us so early. So here goes! (the order of these does not reflect how much I love them. My brain is random and so is this list)

Husband
God
Paige my dog
my Christmas tree
the lights around my office window
music
Mexican food
my iPhone
travelling
Atlantis Paradise Resort
Italian food
cheeseburgers
ice tea
IKEA
going for long drives
family
friends
spontaneous lunches with good friends
girls days
parts of my job
my computer
my cookbook collection
my bed. I love sleeping!
hot baths with a cheesy girly book
candles
smell of fresh laundry
beautiful photos
cuddles
hugs
kisses
the way my nieces talk to me in ridiculous accents
my grandma and her cookie recipes
my grandpa and how he fights with me
my new necklace (previously posted)
new hair colours
rearranging furniture
Muttart Conservatory and their gardens
Ultimate Leadership. Have gone twice and want to go again soooooo bad
knowing I will be ok. Even on the worst of days.
wrastling (as Husband calls it) with the boy
having the giggles
music concerts
any good production. Cirque de Soleil, Symphony Orchestra, etc.
the dragon flies on my bedroom wall
painting. Love to see the change of before and after
color. My last house had 17 colours in it. It was amazing.
my dad. He rocks.
facebook. I know. Kinda lame, but I love the reconnecting with friends
challenges. This whole festival thing I am doing. The insanity of it all.
Cooking. Love it. Especially for people! Don't do it much when I am alone.

Ok. I seriously need a break. Really Dawn? 100 things? I know there are more. Let my brain think for a minute. So, how are you? I am pretty good. This time of year is hard. I hate that the sun came out after I left for work and it set before I was home! The days are under 8 hours of daylight right now and I am finding it hard this year. Who knew!

Alright, back to the show.

My new coconut scented deodorant
people who call me on my crap
the first sign of green in spring
the smell of lilacs
beautiful flowers
waterfalls
my beautiful red shoes (John Fluevog, see above)
Chris Tomlin music
having a few people in my life that KNOW me. Not just know me, but KNOW. You know what I am saying???
palm trees
exploring cultures of other countries. I find it extremely intriguing
banana bread
clean sheets
new socks
massages
notes from Husband
making lists. I am always making them. I have probably 50 note pads around my house!
watching TV
the smell of coffee
Holiday London Fog from Second Cup
Grilled/panini press anything
cheese
Christmas decorations
Crate and Barrel
Le Creuset
Urban Barn
going to the movies
eating out
coconut anything
playing games with people
farmers markets
crowds of people
dreaming
schedules
spontaneity (yes, I can love both)
doing nice things for other people
the feeling I get in my tummy when I see Husband
His blue eyes
His dimples
My dogs really bad attitude. Seriously. My list. I can have her twice. She cracks me up! I will do a post on her one day.
Christmas dinner. The full shebang. Not a small version. All out baby.
Buying gifts for people when they don't expect them.
not caring about punctuation or editing on my blog :)
mini cheesecakes
CSI style shows. I swear I have seen at least 800 different ways to kill someone. And then how to get caught! And yet I continue to watch them.
my smile. This has taken a lot but I think it is pretty ok.
my eyes. I think they are really the window to my soul. Get to know me? You can see everything in my eyes
my Keurig and the Island Coconut coffee that I am out of
the end of this list
blogging

Question for you....

2011-12-10T14:30:00.000-07:00

This comes from Husband. I have no answer for him. Can you help?

"Why do they call it a pair of jeans? Isn't a pair "two of" an item? Like a pair of socks, a pair of shoes, etc. So, why do they call it a pair of underwear? We only wear one at a time. Or a pair of pants?"

I love when he asks these questions. Reminds me of kids I used to babysit.

So, any answers???

Nope. Won't do it. You can't make me.

2011-12-08T10:04:00.001-07:00

List 10 things you would never do.

Touch a snake. I have an uncanny fear of all things slithery. My sister has a snake in her house and I can hardly be there. I went there for an hour, could not sit down and just stood in the middle of the living room in complete and udder fear frozen. I know it is a silly fear but it is a big one for me.
Eat any sort of brains or nastiness like that. I can eat a lot of things and even like them, but as I age? I realize that I have nothing to prove. Really? Who actually want to eat crickets? Or ants? Or brains!
Own a cat. I hate them. I really do. Not only am I allergic to them, but they make me crawl! They are snobby and whiny and just plain annoying. Could have to do with the slithery aspect. And guess what, I found out last night that my in-laws just bought one! YEAH! So much for going there again! I was just starting to enjoy it too.....
Drive a van. That could be one of the joys of not having kids! Cars, trucks, SUV's are all good. Not sure I would ever drive a Van though.
Watch a horror movie. I have never watched one and I never will. I am scared enough! I don't need help!
Let someone tell me I can't do something. I might be insane, but I kinda have the attitude that I can do what I want! To a degree. I am taking part in this big festival soon and have to feed 4500 people a weekend. Make all the food, do all the prep and serve it with only the help of 2 other people. I have been told I am nuts! That I will fail for sure! Well people? WATCH ME!!!!!
Be normal. Really? Have you met me? Have you read this blog? I think that ship has sailed.
Stop watching TV. I love it. I love everything about it. I cut my cable in March because I wanted to save money but oh the joys of the Internet! Now I can just watch when and what I want!
Get divorced. I am going to put this out there. I have talked a lot this week to friends/colleagues about divorce and they are all stunned that I would make that statement. I do not believe that divorce is an option. I really don't. I think that if you really want it? You can have a good marriage. You can fall back in love. You can save it. I watched my parents fall out of love and hate each other and fall back in love over a few years again. It was hard to watch, but I believe in the sanctity of marriage and the covenant that it is. Husband and I have agreed that we will do daily counselling if we have to in order to stay happy, but divorce is not an option. Death is though......hmmmmm....... I kid I kid. You are safe Husband.
Finish this question!

Happy Birthday

2011-12-07T15:30:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my moms birthday.

It was a good day. I worked, had meetings and a lot of stress, but I also went for a massage and went to the Michael W Smith Christmas concert last night. He is a brilliant artist. He really is.

But, I thought I would leave you with a few pictures of my mom today. She is missed a lot and had a beautiful smile.

Her grad picture. Love her expression!

My mom and dad. I think this was taken in 1990.

Their first "real" vacation

Mom and one of her granddaughters

Enjoy.

Peter pan Shmeter Shman

2011-12-05T16:26:00.000-07:00

How did you become more of a grown-up this year? Or did you pull a Peter Pan and stubbornly remain childlike?

Interesting Question! I did a little of each I think.

More grown-up:

I let my faux hawk grow out. I know. Laugh all you want, but I did. I loved my funky hair but when it came time to be an adult, I needed to be looked at more seriously and the hair was not helping. I had this:

And now I have this:

Still in the annoying growing out stage and all but it is definitely more professional. And can I say that while gaining the hair I lost a few chins! CHECK IT OUT!!!!! Big shout out to the lady rolls that left!

I also gave up on the nose ring battle. My nose did not like it and was constantly trying to push it out and so I decided to let it go. I am thinking of getting it done again one day, but for now? Being a little more girly is kinda fun.
I started cooking more and differently. Trying more adult, less cheese infused dishes. Not that I was a cheese-a-holic before? But I actually use things like Quinoa now. I know! Big foods for me!
Started putting more time and energy into me. Stopped thinking "I will do that when I grow up" and started paying attention now. Weight, mental health, friendships etc.
Marriage appreciation 101. I have really realized this year how much I value my marriage. No, it is not perfect all the time, but it is pretty darn good. We have never had major crazy throw down fights, we are still in love, we are still best friends and I love that guy more than I could ever imagine!
Started paying more attention to my job. Really taking it seriously. I own my own company and the work I put I=the money I get out....to the most point. I started to realize that if I want this company to really go anywhere and to be able to really succeed at it, that I have to put more time, effort and love into it. Sounds like most areas in our lives, right?

Still pulling a Peter Pan?

still "wrastle" with Husband often
still eat horrible bad for me food even though I know that it is bad
still read trashy books and magazines even though I own so many good/mature/spiritual ones that I should be reading instead
still have too much fun harassing (in a good way!) people and getting rises out of them
still drive too fast. Got my first speeding ticket this year though!
still giggled when I was "served" the other day and said out loud "it is just like on the movies". I am sure the ladies thought I was nuts!
still giggle more than a grown woman should
still don't ever want to grow up!

I think I have reached a compromise in the middle, don't you???

I am back!

2011-12-04T11:40:00.000-07:00

I love the blog http://heymrswilson.net/

She is doing some posts right now answering some interesting questions and I decided to steal the idea! So here goes. Thanks Jen!

What is the stupidest thing you did this year? What about in your whole life? You can take stupid to mean: embarrassing, dangerous, funny, lame, whatever you consider “stupid.”

I am having a hard time with this one. I think I will answer for all of those words!

Embarrassing- OK. We will leave this one till the end.

Dangerous- This is going to sound dumb, but I was struggling horribly with depression a few months ago and drove a little too fast, a few too many times not caring what the consequences would have been. I also took too long to tell anyone how I was feeling. That is dangerous. I know better. I am doing good right now. Very good in comparison

Wow. That got deep really quick!

Funny-I told the banker that I was opening a "Rub n Tug". Yup. I did. You can read about it in an earlier post!

Lame-Decorated my Christmas tree, lights died, just put more on top. They died. Just put more on top again! Without removing any of the old ones. Yes. It is ugly. It is kinda funny looking actually. I think we are going to pull it all apart today and start again. But in all honesty? It has made me incredibly happy the last two weeks even in all its ugliness :)

Amazing-I lost 36 lbs. Yup. I did. And I am maintaining it! Can I just say how proud I am of myself? I even feel cute these days!

Embarrassing- I pooped my pants. That is right folks. And I just put it on the Internet for all to see. When I was so sick the other day, I tried to go to the store to get some 5alive and some medicine and could not make it to the car without filling my pants. A moment I am so proud of. I have to admit. I will also admit that I have had to do a lot of laundry since as this happened 3, yes 3 times before I finally phoned a friend to bring me some love. You can stop laughing now. No really. You can stop.

Stupid-have taken hardly any pictures! Husband and I were talking about it the other day. I even have a nice camera, but I never take any. I wanted one for our Christmas card but alas. There is nothing. Not since last December! NOT ONE! We might have to remedy that one of these days.

So there it is. Maybe when I have recovered completely from this illness and have caught up on sleep I will be more wordy with my responses like Jen. She is an awesome writer. Me? Not so much :) And that is OK.

Have a good Sunday! I am off to have coconut pancakes with nutella and bananas. Diet food for sure!

The good and bad

2011-12-02T19:47:00.000-07:00

The bad about today?

I Feel Like Crap! Can't stop pooping or puking.

The good?

Husband is on his way home. He is sick too but he is coming home to be with me.

He rocks.

And my lovely friend? Just brought me 5 alive and chicken noodle soup.

Argh.

2011-12-02T03:06:00.001-07:00

I am sick.

So sick.

Woke up an hour ago puking my guts out and it is not ending.

Please pray that I get better.

And fast.

I am way too busy right now to deal with this.

Thanks.

Done.

2011-11-30T09:02:00.000-07:00

I did it!

I actually posted almost every day this month! And guess what? I loved it! I am going to try to keep it up.

I decided that today? You get a day in the life of me post.

Wanna know what I am doing today? No? Well. Then stop reading :)

8:00 Wake up. Not happily. I am not a morning person.

8:45 Get off the phone with Husband from our morning chat and write on here!

9:00 Be ready for the day. I am speedy quick. Shit/shower/shave/hair/makeup in under 15.

9:15 Back in my office with coffee in hand

9:20-11:15

pay bills
do a whole heck of a lotta organizing
filing
work on my year end to get it to the accountant
answer emails
find graph paper
work on a floor layout for the huge festival I am working on for January
deal with insurance on a car accident I was in in October
book another massage. The one last night for the above accident was amazing. Slept without a heating pad for first time in a month
more organizing

11:15 Head out of the house to go to an early lunch meeting. Work colleague/vendor who I adore but we are both incredibly indecisive and can never figure out where to eat

11:30-1:00 Enjoy lunch while talking shop

1:00-2:15 Either go home and work again (15 minutes of driving each way so not sure I want to do it) or go find a coffee shop and a book and relax for an hour

2:30-3:30 Meeting with a marketing team about promo stuff for festival. Signs and banners and all that jazz! I am not sure I will go with them but I will see. Have to decide this week as I need it all designed and printed in the next month. Big decisions to make.

3:30-6:00 My dad is back in town tonight on his way home from girlfriends. We are planning on doing all our Christmas shopping today. Wish us luck! I have a list of items so it shouldn't be too bad.

6:00-7:00 Dinner with Daddy

7:00-10:00 Wrap said presents that I hopefully found, chill in front of my ugly tree ( I am soooooo posting about that soon. It is hilarious!), watch TV, hear him giggle about his "honey", and head to bed as tomorrow? I leave my house at 8 am and am not home until late late late.

This week has been exhausting! I am looking forward to Saturday. Farmers market, sleep in, drink coffee, relax, and probably do some laundry and cook! Should be a good week though. Getting lots done.

See you in December!

Bad. I am bad.

2011-11-29T17:45:00.000-07:00

I have to tell you what I did today.

I am dealing with a big festival coming up and am going to be dealing with money.

I was talking to my banker today and asked him about new accounts, deposits, deposit limits, etc.

Side-note: did you know that if you deposit $10000 or over cash into a bank account you are red flagged and have to explain it and fill out paperwork? If you deposit it more than twice? They do a full investigation into you and your business. Who knew!

Anyways, I will probably never have that problem but it was good to know!

So, he asked me what it was for and with a straight face?? I told him I was starting a full service Rub n' Tug. When he looked at me funny, I looked all startled and asked if he was judging me! He said no and started talking to me about accounts. I then laughed and told him I was joking. He laughed so hard he almost fell off his chair. Supposedly I am not the type of person he expected for something like that!

Wow. I need more sleep. A perfect example of why I should not go to business meetings on only 3 hours of sleep.

Thankful

2011-11-29T09:10:00.000-07:00

After yesterdays whiny sobbing mess of a post I decided that I need to remember to be thankful.

Today? Not feeling it so much, but I am going to force myself to think of things.

My marriage
My health
I have a roof over my head
My puppy
Family
Friends

Wow. That was cheesy. Let me try again.

Husband. Frick he is fun. I can't wait to laugh with him again soon.
My health. While it is continually screwed up, I am alive. Alive!
Roof. It is a nice house. I have space to breathe, a nice office space, enough bathrooms for me and all my family next Christmas, and room to put all my crap.
Paige. Seriously. Cutest thing ever. Cuddles with me in bed. Follows me around the house no matter what I am doing. Love her. Kind of my sanity some days.
Family. They are an indecisive, annoying, spread across a country bunch but they are mine. And I love them.
Friends. For the ones that I know are out there. I do have friends. Just not many in this city I live in. I think it is time to make some more.
Coffee. For the months like lately where my stress is too high and I drink too much of the stuff. Makes me happy though.
Shopping. The habit I need to break horribly but makes me happy when stressed. Even just a little something makes me smile. Time to get rid of the bank and visa cards and do cash only. That is my new years resolution. Cash only budget again. Will have to talk to Husband about that.
Blue skies. On a day like today where I woke at 4 am with a panic attack, God has blessed me with blue skies. Always cheers me up.
The future. Today might suck, and tomorrow too, but I am constantly dreaming of the future and what it might hold.
Big D. That is what I am calling the "girlfriend". Not a reference to size. Just she could be a big part of a lot of change in the next year. OK. Who am I kidding. I went from chatting for at least an hour a day to my dad to maybe every few days for 10 minutes and the whole time is about her and her life and him and their plans. Not sure when he will ask how I am doing again. Wow. That is a whole nother post. Oh, the thankful part. I am thankful that she is making my dad happy.
Comments. You have no idea how happy I am when people comment on here. Thanks Jibberblog. You have made my day more than once lately.
Work. While it is stressful and I feel like most days I am taking one step forward and two back, it is a job. It is actually my own company! And I am not drowning yet. I can get through it one day at a time. I have a huge project I am working on right now that is going to drive me to drink but it will be incredible for the company and I am excited for January and February now.
Vehicles. Have I mentioned that Husband has been out of town for days now? Since last Sunday? Over a week ago? But, if he can't take a day or two off (needs truck repairs and clean laundry and such) this weekend, I am going to DRIVE to him. Not looking forward to it, but I can't wait at the same time.
Business meetings. Some business meetings involve me being taken out for lunch. These are always fun. I have another one today!
Paint. This room is starting to feel more alive. I can't wait to finish it. I will post pictures when it is done.
Christmas trees. They make me happy. Having all the lights die after it is decorated? Not so happy. But that is OK. I will just string on more lights on top if I have to. Or undecorate it and start again. Husband claims that it happened because I broke the rules and set it up too early.
Girls day. I have one coming up soon. I love those girls. I can't wait.

All right. It is time to get to work and start this day for real. I have been up for 5 hours and have done nothing. Yup. I have done nothing.

But? This list did make me smile a little.

I'm so lonesome...

2011-11-28T12:41:00.000-07:00

I could cry.

WARNING: If you don't want to hear whining? Stop reading.

Could he be any cuter? Look at those baby blues

Typical day in the life of US.

I phoned Husband this morning and told him that I hated loving him so much. How lame is that! I wish that I was like some wives that didn't mind when their husband left. I wish I was OK being home alone all day every day. I wish that I enjoyed being alone so much. I know people that would love this!

Me? I hate it. I really do. Husband is my best friend. My husband, my lover, my supporter, my confidante. He is everything to me. I need him and want him and miss him.

I will have to learn to adjust though. He is loving his job and it takes him away. I have been spoiled in the fact that I got him every day all day for a year. Most wives would never get that. He is gone right now. He is far enough away that he can't come home every night and far enough away that I can't go to him due to work conflicts. It sucks! I miss the laughter, the goofiness the cuddles.

I also work from home, so I don't get out much!

Wow. Time to go see about getting my IPhone fixed. And to stop whining.

Blah.

Menus galore!

2011-11-27T12:32:00.000-07:00

I did it! I actually wrote down 365 different meals that I will make next year. And maybe into the next year after that! Between work and travel I will definitely miss a few days, but my goal is to stop eating out as much and try a few new things. I think I might succeed! I have decided that I am going to make copies of all the recipes and put them in a binder so that the whole thing is organized and together and easy to find. The categories I will use:

soup
salad
pasta
casseroles
BBQ
sandwiches
beef
chicken
pork
breakfast for dinner

These are main course items. I am then going to write on each page what the side dishes are. I might leave that till when I actually make the items so that I have the freedom to change things up a little. I have to admit I am quite excited! I added regular items, curiosity items, and just plain weird items! I am planning on blogging the whole process as well. I might even be nice and post some recipes! I have been asked if I would be willing to make copies of the whole thing and sell/give them away. And at the end? For sure. If this works out, I want to make it into a cookbook for myself. I have also been asked about weekly grocery lists with the plans. I was thinking that I will have it all sorted by category and then take them out once they are cooked and put them in weekly plans together. I might just throw in a grocery list or two. I can't imagine selling it though. I would probably just give them away. Have to admit though, I am pretty darn excited to start thing whole thing.

Now to actually finish it! Get it to the starting point! I have started gathering all the recipes. Hard though when some of them are in my head.

But on another happy note? Guess who came home again last night!!!! HUSBAND!!!!!! I am not sure he knows how happy that makes me. He is working out of town so it is a big deal and a lot of extra driving for him to come home. Makes me so happy though. Love that guy.

Paint Update #2

2011-11-26T16:41:00.000-07:00

The during....

So, my husband? Can we give a shout out to the most amazing man on the planet?????

Anyways, I am done painting. Let me rephrase that. I am done my portion of the painting. I am done all the major walls. Husband has to do the trim. We are also wrapping the brown 9 inches or so onto the blue wall to look cool and maybe a stripe on another wall and I need help taping for that. I am a little abstract and have a hard time with straight lines!

The paint. I love it! It is so much cozier in here now. I don't want to leave! I guess that is a good thing for an office. I can't wait to hang pictures and a few lamps. The desk and huge red shelf are also in the middle of the room and not put where they are supposed to be right now but I am making it work. Husband is gone possibly till Christmas so I will have to deal with the unfinished paint and the weird furniture layout until then.

Wanna see pictures??????

Here we go.

Love the red against the blue! Makes it so pretty.

A huge mess for painting

The brown! It was like painting with chocolate pudding! Wow. I need to clean the red shelves. The movers put plastic on them to protect them and it left a nasty film.

The paint was Benjamin Moored. Love their stuff and worth every penny. I used the Dark Taupe (the darkest on the one card) and the Buxton Blue.

A few things put back in place.

Overall? I am very happy. I can't wait to have the rest of the yellow gone. And the furniture back in place. Looks like I need to do some filing too! (the top of the dark shelf). I think I am going to rest for the rest of today and then tomorrow? Time to clean up this joint! My year end for my business is in 4 days so I have a lot of work to do before then. I have also come up with some new systems for my office that will make it run smoother in the future. No more chaos for this girl!

Paint update

2011-11-25T17:18:00.000-07:00

I love it.

I was going to only start the prep today and do the painting tomorrow and Sunday.

I should have known better.

I will post pictures tomorrow.

But? I love it.

I have 70% of the one color done and the other color is only one wall.

And can we give a shout out to Husband????

He is driving 2 hours home tonight to move heavy furniture for me so that I can finish this project.

2 hours!

And then two hours back to work tomorrow!

And then back here tomorrow night in order to help move furniture again if I need it!

Can I just say that HE IS AMAZING! I AM IN AWE OF HIM!

Wow.

I chose well.

Can I quit?

2011-11-25T10:19:00.000-07:00

So, today is the day. I drove all night to get home, got 3 hours of sleep and after work today? I start painting. Husband could actually rock the world though because he told me that I could just do the main walls and he will finish all the trim when he comes home next. Could be a few weeks, but seriously? I think I can deal with no edging in order to have a better job done.

So, tomorrow? I will post for real. I will even try to add pictures!

Oh, and the visit with "the girlfriend"?

Went amazing. Love her. Kinda weird seeing my dad so sappy though. Didn't know he knew how to open a door for a woman!

Sorry!

2011-11-23T21:18:00.001-07:00

I am out of town for a few days. Back soon with an office update!!!

2011-11-21T11:25:00.000-07:00

This is my office.

It is hideous.

It is a mess.

It is so unorganized it would make you cry.

I am kinda OCD.

I am having a hard time working in here due to these facts.

I also find the color to be quite...how do you put it.

Nasty.

Husband and I moved everything up here in two days.

Have not moved anything since!

I need to paint.

I need to organize.

I need to make it feel like me so that I can fully function in here.

Are you guys like that?

Do you need your space to feel good in order to work?

I find it hard especially because I work in my home.

There are prettier places to be right now.

So why be here?

Most massive shelving unit. I love it.

This room is a whole second master bedroom suite in our house. The white curtains lead to a huge bathroom. The closet doors lead to a walk in closet. Storage heaven! I still have a lot of stuff downstairs too. The garbage bag? That is all photos. I really need to take it down stairs.

I think I will start painting soon. I am thinking I will cancel my weekend plans and stay home and paint. I will organize it all and make it "me". I am thinking a blue/grey on the walls with one dark brown accent wall. The bathroom in a burnt orange. The carpet is neutral and all the trim is white so that would work. I even like the red shelf against those colours. We will see. I have a hard time painting a rental property but at the same time? I will not survive much longer in the yellow submarine. I had no idea I hated yellow so much!

Stress

2011-11-20T15:34:00.000-07:00

I am disappointed.

I know I shouldn't be.

I just had to spend all my savings on our house and now I can't go anywhere with Husband this winter.

That trip was getting me through the days.

I am sad.

I will be ok though, right?

I will start to save again.

I will watch for good deals.

I will pray that money improves and we can figure it out.

I am now aiming for March or April.

I am starting to dream again.

I am still sad though.

I will be ok.

I think I will dream even bigger.

I am going to tell myself that.

I am going to make myself lose another 30 lbs before we go.

Maybe that will motivate me?

I will let you know.

I am not going to continue this sadness.

I will be ok.

Christmas is coming!

Maybe I will go set up my tree.

Pretty things Part who knows!

2011-11-19T13:31:00.001-07:00

I have written on here before about the Muttart.

It is my happy place.

When I need to breathe,

read,

be at peace,

not stress out,

or just be.

This is where I go.

This last month was orchid month.

There is one feature area that changes every few months.

This one was one of my favorites.

I forgot my good camera.

These are from my phone.

Enjoy them anyways!

And this is me with my new necklace. I love it. It makes me smile.

The proof

2011-11-18T15:26:00.000-07:00

is in the pudding.

I am weird. And I am okay with this fact. One of the weird things that I do is dream about food. I am not talking "yeah! I am hungry and we went to a restaurant" type thing. I am talking deep, in depth recipes. Sometimes with ingredients listed. Sometimes with a final look. Always step by step on how to make it. Some of them are random, some are completely strange and some are just yummy recipes. Husband always likes it when I dream up food because those are some of the favorites at our house.

Some examples: a pasta casserole with cauliflower, mushrooms, carrots and chicken. The sauce is mushroom soup, chili powder, oregano, basil, salt, pepper, garlic powder, onion powder, johnny's seasoning salt (the greatest thing in the world!) and Italian salad dressing. It is amazing. I have also dreamt a lemon caper dill sauce over grilled chicken and stuffed potatoes. The fun ones are when I don't know what the ingredients are but have a name and have to find them in the grocery store. People look at you funny when they ask what you need it for and you reply "I am not sure. It was in my dream"

So the latest in the odd dreams? A sandwich.

Start with two slices of toasted bread of your choice. Put this yummy sauce on one side. Seriously amazing. Just saying.

Put this on the other side. I love that I dream with random ingredients in my house that I forget I have.

Slice some cheese. My dream specifically called for this cheese (that I thought I was out of) but I am sure any cheese would do.

Now it gets weird. Fry an egg and a slice of leftover meatloaf. ( I had some in my freezer for Husbands lunches)

Prep your bread. Wow. Those look yummy!

Layer the meatloaf, then the cheese and finally the egg. Grossed out yet?

Place it on a pretty plate and wonder what the heck you were thinking.

Take a bite and thank your dream.

Seriously. My dad is here right now and was watching me make this and was laughing the whole time. He then stole a section and claimed that it was "actually pretty darn good!". He then asked for it the next day for lunch. Oddest things make the yummiest food. You guys should seriously try it!

And to end this ridiculous post? A picture of my cutie patootie nephew!