The calm before the storm...

I feel like I am living in the calm before the storm right now. I am not sure why.

I am completly caught up at work, to the point of not having to go in for another few days.

I am almost caught up with the restaurant.

My laundry is done.

I have groceries.

My bills are paid.

My house is pretty clean.

Something is coming. I can feel it. Wierd, I know, but do you ever have that feeling?

Things at the restaurant are getting a little better. I have hired a new manager which is needed. I am really happy with the decision that I have made when it comes to that. I think that I should have done this awhile ago, but what do you do. The next 6 weeks will be insane. I am not sure how they will work. We hired a new staff member tonight which will be good. I hope that he works out. The place is cleaner than it has been in awhile and I hope that the staff that are there stay. I have lost two people with the new manager/hire process and am losing one more. Oh well. What do you do.

My cleaner for my house, busted her leg or something. I am not impressed about that as now I need a new cleaner or else I need to clean it myself. Not sure I feel up to that these days. I think that I will tomorow though. Maybe I will pay myself for doing it! Then it would get done! I pay her, why not pay myself! We will see. The husband is not too up to that. He thinks that I should just clean it for free. What does he know. :)

I have had a migraine all day today. I do pretty well with the pain, but it is irritating me today. I had a two hour nap, and let husband answer my phone for me. It was wonderful. Looks like I will have another long day tomorow. Maybe I can fit a nap in there somewhere. We will see!

I should go, I decided to watch Big Brother this summer. I love the drama! I think that they are rediculous and clueless and hardly any of them know how to play the game. But, it is my guilty pleasure and I will not be ashamed of that. I also picked up some new reading material this week and so will probably follow up the show with a bubble bath and a good book. Can't wait!

Later,


Me

Attack! Attack!!!!

What a day. I can put up with a lot of shit in a day, but today was a lot. I am a strong person, but I am sorry. Personal attacks on me are not cool. I don't care how strong you are. They suck.

An employee at my business today phoned me this morning because she was sick. She could not find anyone to cover and was freaking out. I said to go home and I would be right there. I arrived 10 minutes later and she informs me that she will come back and close and thanks for covering for her. Yeah. Sure she was thankful. Bitch. She then freaks out when I phone her to see what time she was coming back, comes in and quits. Then in a complete hissy fit, informs me that I am crap. Not just crap, but the crap that you scrape off of crap. I am the world's worst business owner, the world's worst person, that I am a backstabbing, two faced, not worth nothing, piece of shit and that she is leaving and taking everyone with her because they all hate me.

Wow. That was a confidence booster if I ever needed one.

I tried to talk to her and she freaked out. Her number one reason is that I hired a manager instead of promoting her. NOT COOL! Supposedly. Little does she know the direction I am trying to go with a manager and needed a business partner more than an employee. She is not qualified. She has no people skills. She is not motivated. For frick sakes! She doesn't even have a driver's licence in order to do the work that needs to be done! HOW THE HELL DO YOU BUY 400 POUNDS OF RICE A WEEK RIDING A FREAKIN BIKE!!!!!!!

Needless to say, I had a rough day. I can deal with a lot, but personal attacks just about ruin me. Husband says to just ignore it and move on. Not quite that easy. My personal love language (from the book "The Five Love Languages") is words of affirmation. So, they bring me up and yet can crush me at the same time.

What do you do in this situation? How do you "get over" it? Should I even care? I think that I am just going to hire all new staff that are not so young and pissy. That sounds awful, but good grief. This is ridiculous.

I need to go to bed, but everytime I close my eyes, I see her and her yelling at me and crying. Wow. Good mental picture.

Oh well. Must try to sleep now.

Time to look through resumes.

Not so good at this....

So
I am realizing
that I am not so
good at this
whole blogging thing.

I suck at it!

Oh well, what do you do.

So, question for anyone out there that might actually read this thing.
What do you think about renewing vows?
Having a second wedding?
How often?
How fancy?
Waste of time?
You see, husband and I are coming up on our ten year anniversary.
I think that it is romantic and sweet and even if it is only us, to do something.
I think that ten years of marriage nowadays, deserves some celebration.
Something at least.
Not just another day and work and saying goodnight at the end of the day. Something.
Husband thinks that he has said his vows once and meant them and so what is my problem?
What do you think?

I went to see Transformers tonight.
Very good movie.
Ok, really, anything with Josh Duhamel is amazing.
He could just stand there and smile once in a while and I would be happy.
Love him!


I should go to bed, getting tired.

Oh yeah!

Dinner went very good.

Missed husband like crazy and it turned into 5 weeks, but all is good now!

Feeling good about life this week. Think that this funk is over soon. Makes me very happy.....

Goodnight, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite!


Me

Point form life....

My life in a nut shell right now:

~ Cooking dinner for 40 people at my house next Wednesday. Have a huge menu plan happening but really excited to do it. It is a monthly thing during the summer for my guys at work.

~ Want to pay off my house and all my debt as soon as possible and move to an acreage and go off the grid in my dream home. Planning for this as we speak. This dream will one day be a reality.

~ Leaving on Friday to go to Banff with a friend for a girls weekend away. Kinda excited. Kinda sad. Will miss husband a lot.

~ My boobs are growing. TMI I know. Not happy.

~ Husband leaves in 3 weeks to go up north to work for a month. Not impressed but what do you do.

~ Manager possibly leaving restaurant this summer which means I have to take that on as well as everything else that I do on a daily basis and my full time job that I have. Nervous.

~ Hosting a paintball party for guys at work on the 24th. Looking forward to it. Not in good shape to do it but it should be fun!

~ Have about 10 people that I need to call this week and just visit but not sure I have the mental energy with everything else that is going on.

~ Needing more sleep but for some reason can't do it. NOT IMPRESSED.


Overall, I am happy. Insanely busy at times, bored at others, but in a really good place. Now, if only I was here......

Death and Taxes....

So, got some bad news yesterday. The grandma has a blood clot. I am not sure how to feel at this point. Do I even care? I know that this sounds harsh, but I have not been a part of her life for the past 15 years and there has only been hurt during that time. I know that she is suffering and that she will probably die soon. She is in her 80's. Is it sad that I feel the same sadness as if I read it in a magazine about a perfect stranger? Is it sad that I am not sure I care? I will probably have do deal with both deaths of her and the grandpa in the next 6 months. I am not sure I will care. I am a bitch!!!! I amaze even myself! Oh well. I talked to Dad about it tonight and he feels the same. They are his parents. Wow. Such a happy post.

Time for tea and toast! (Wow...that sounded british!)

Could my life be any wierder?

Stress kills. Stress can harm you. Stress can do all these weird and wonderful things to you. I know this. I have preached this....so why the hell did it take me this long to figure it out for myself?

Here goes....I was diagnosed with a severe gluten intolerance about 2 years ago. I remember the day. I was devastated. Had no idea why me!!!! I know I know....the pity! About a month ago, I all of a sudden could not eat dairy. Out of the blue. Made me incredibly sick! Almost go the the hospital sick! The gluten made me mad but the dairy? This one pissed me off. And where did it come from you ask? You see, I HAVE HAD TOO MUCH STRESS IN MY LIFE AND INTERNALIZE IT ALL AND CAUSE MYSELF TO GET SICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and now for my rocket science degree please! :)

I was at work one day last week and was having a rough day. Thinking a lot about the past. I was on face book and saw a picture of the man that sexually abused me and I lost it. I controlled myself, due to the fact that I was at work, but internalized it like every other time. Then Husband phoned me and got mad at me for some work issue. I internalized it. I drove out to the job site feeling like crap to bring him some stuff and when I saw him....we'll just say that I lost it. I screamed and yelled and swore and cried until I was shaking so bad he had to hold me up. I am not like this. I do not lose it. I am not an emotional spaz type of wife so he knew something was up. When I finally stopped, he asked what had happened that day. I told him and all of a sudden I felt 500 lbs lighter. I felt alive. I felt free. I RELEASED A LOT OF CRAP THAT I HAD INTERNALIZED!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUNNY THING!!!!!!!!!

I got home later and realized that I needed to work through some stuff. SO, with a lot of praying and thinking, I pinpointed the exact day that I became a non-gluten girl and the exact day I became a non-dairy girl! I prayed through some stuff and released it and guess what?

I AM EATING TOAST RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND I AM NOT SICK!!!!!!!!!!!!

It is amazing. I am so happy! I feel free. Even my employees and friends are noticing. I am happy. Why did it take so long for me to figure it out? Not the issue, because it is gone!

I think I will go eat a cracker......

It's my party.....

I am 11. Today is the 11 year anniversary of my life. I should be dead. I should be in heaven. I am here. On earth. To make husbands life a living hell! HEE HEE! That is what he claims at least. For the last 11 years my emotions have ranged from insane/rage/anger/mad that I had an aneurysm, to completely excited that I am alive and feel blessed to be here.

Another day, I will go into what happened and what I have gone through. But for today, I am alive. I am breathing and living and walking and enjoying my life.

Yeah!