IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO TAKE PART IN MY PITY PARTY? STOP READING NOW. THINK OF FLUFFY BUNNIES AND RAINBOWS AND MOVE ON WITH YOUR DAY. THERE IS NOTHING POSITIVE IN THIS POST.
Pathetic.
Weak.
Tired.
Defeated.
Numb.
Useless.
These are all words to describe how I am feeling. I have now been sick for 79 straight freakin days. Can we all just stop and realize how long that is? I have never been like this. Ever. I am so frustrated. I am not sure what to do to get better. I am eating healthy, taking vitamins, and even decreasing my stress! I am mentally with everything else? Doing pretty good. But oh my word I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I went to the Chris Tomlin concert last night and loved it. My soul felt fed completely but I ended up having to sit for most of it and am now suffering quite bad today for even pushing myself that far. The most frustrating thing? The mental weakness. I have some phone calls I have to make for work and at this point? I would probably break into tears if they even challenged me. Wow. That makes for a good leader, doesn't it? I am just so frustrated!!!!!! There are no words.
We are also looking for somewhere else to live and we are having no luck. We don't have to move, but we are wanting to and feel this is what we are supposed to do so I will have to wait. I am sure that God will provide the perfect place. I do have faith in that.
I am done this pity party though. I need to go lay down. My shower wore me out. I shaved my legs. Damn that shaving just took up too much energy. Seriously. This will make me need a nap. And to top it all off? I am gaining weight. Either from the nibbles due to the horrible side effects of the medications my surgeon has me on, or the medications themselves, or who knows. I am only up 4 lbs from where I was but still. Makes all the rest of it feel that much better!
One good thing this week? Husband has been home every night. Late, but home. Now if I could just feel more alive......
2 comments:
You say it's a pity party..but you still found the silver lining in your husband being home with you at night. I think you're stronger than you realize. Just keep resting, maybe turn this into a challenge to see how many days you can be sick, a contest with yourself :)
Also, these 'prove you're not a robot' words ARE NOT WORDS.
Thank you. On day 80 now!
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