Parenting a 13 year old

that is not your actual child.


What the hell were we thinking? No, I am not regretting my decision to take in my nephew for a year.  There are just adjustments I have to make.  Mentally and physically.  I am feeling like I have put so much energy and time and thought into this in the last month, had no sleep, done crazy house projects, gone on a much needed road trip and hardly seen Husband and I feel burnt out today.  I fell asleep before 8 tonight and was so happy to have this amazing night and then was woken up.  No ones fault, but it happened and now I am awake and thinking.

For those of you that don't know, my 13 year old nephew moved in with us Friday for the next year.  He is going through "Boot camp" in a sense.  I will not get into his past and his hurts, but he needs some help to say the least! Physical, psychological, spiritual, etc.  My sister was doing amazing but I think it was just too much.  Husband and I offered to take him in order to give them a break to help their other kids (all adopted with crazy stories) and in order to focus hard on him.  We just love them and want to do anything to make them the most amazing, functional family ever!

Yesterday was fine.  A friend and I picked him up and started the long drive home.  Had an evening of setting up his new room which I will post pictures of soon and just settling in.

This morning after breakfast, we went over chores, rules, bedtime, and a whole lot of other things.  He seemed to take it all pretty good.

A few funny things so far that have made me stop and shake my head:

• the bomb that went off in the bathroom while he was in there.  It is going to be a daily fight to keep this house clean but I informed him today that it is my house and he will keep it tidy.  I am sure this will be like pulling teeth!
• the non stop talking! OH. MY. WORD.  How does the kid have a voice left at the end of the day? Seriously? My ears hurt.
• the entitlement.  "Auntie, this chair is fine as long as you get it recovered.  I'll let you know what I want." Um. No.  "I want the writing on the expensive hat I just chose because I am not willing to cut my hair but just a minutes while I look at crazy expensive pictures to put on it as well." Um. No.  "Can you just make me something else? This is kinda weird" The term suck it up comes to mind :) "What juice are you going to buy me to take my pills with?" The clear stuff that I pay the city for.  They even deliver! Right to the tap! 
• talking as if he knows what he is talking about! "the Toyota truck is so much better for off roading  than this one Uncle.  Really.  Smoother ride and better traction." Um, hun? You are 13!!!!! Your parents don't even own a truck! Where the hell did that come from!!! "On my racing game? It is way better.  You should get a different truck"  Funny statement from Husband today "We need to get something straight.  I am not willing to argue reality vs game with you.  Unless you know if for real? Don't want to hear it."
• I'm bored.  Funny thing.  Auntie doesn't care! Part of this year? Learn to entertain yourself.  See that huge book shelf? Start reading.  Oh, and there is dog poop to be picked up.  And floors to clean.  And dinner to make.  Oh and then there is laundry to fold and put away.  Please.  Tell me you are bored all the time.  After two times today? Stopped mentioning it and entertained himself.  I think he is scared of me :)
• Yes.  You do have to shower.  Yes.  You do have to brush your teeth.  Yes you do have to eat at the table with us.  Yes.  You do have to do what we say.

This is not a complaint.  Please don't take it as one! He is awesome and we will enjoy this year.  I am just needing somewhere to vent my days.  And this? This is the spot.

Things I am going to struggle with:

• the small amounts of time with Husband are no longer only mine.  He wants his attention as much or more than I do!
• no peace and quiet.  Ever.
• having to make real meals three times a day.  And not on my schedule.
• the smell of a teenage boy
• structured schedule
• arguments.  We don't argue in our house and so they grate my every nerve!
• cleanliness
• watching what I say! Sometimes a girl needs to drop the f bomb.
• lunch dates with friends and gym dates with friends
• feeling off stress at what this year is supposed to be
• feeling of not being able to do it
• have I mentioned lack of Husband time?

Him beside his favorite car in the mall today

I will be ok.  I am just struggling today.  I am tired.  I am cranky.  And the last month caught up to me at about 2 o'clock.  Tomorrow? I need to sleep in late whether that means skipping church or not.  I need to sing loud worship music in my office or somewhere in my house.  I need to go to see the flowers at the Muttart.  I need some yummy food.  I need to breathe.  I need Husband to cherish me and take care of me and make me feel good.  

I should try this sleep thing again.

Oh, on a side note? The bonus room is done!!!! The wainscoting was completed early Friday morning and so was the amazing paint color.  Post to come soon :)