Well, I am home.
I am alive.
I have hope.
For the first time in a long time.
My boss asked me today if I am fixed. I laughed! NO!!! I am not fixed. I have hope, I have a plan, and I have a support group of safe people surrounding me now so that I can finally GET fixed. I am so excited.
Part of the week was that we had to create an action plan. It was hard. We had to pick three or four things to do that would help us become who we want to be. I know that this sounds loopy, but it makes sense. We tend to not do things for us. The things that make us happy. We also talk ourselves out of the things that we should do or want to do. I am starting to change that.
My action plan:
1. Start walking on the treadmill for 30 minutes, 5 days a week.
2. I am going to read for at least 30 minutes, 5 days a week. Not trash, but the bible or a book that will help me grow in my faith and in my leadership.
3. I am going to take guitar lessons.
4. I am going to start going to counselling. Not just light stuff but an actual phsycologist.
I am really excited. I will be working on my heart, my mind, my body and having fun. It will be good. I started this week. I am doing good so far.
I have to admit that I am scared, but at the same time, I have a lot of support and that is good. That is a nice change. It is amazing when you ask for help, people give it to you.
I am not looking for some more safe people in my life. People that would be willing to be my friends, but would also keep me on track and just love me and support me. To pray with and talk with and to be able to ask for help if needed. If anyone reads this and you pray, could you pray that I find some more of these people?
Time to go to bed. I will write more soon on everything that I learned and dealt with this last week.
Later!
2 comments:
Good for you! :) Keep up the good work, love <3
I love you sooo much! Tonight I was so tired after work that I ignored the phone when you called. Then when I had the energy to call, I realized how late is was so read your blog instead. I wish I could be a better support to you and feel like I have had no idea how much you were hurting. I knew that you were but I guess when I am also hurting, it is hard to support the people around me. You are a lot stronger than you feel. And when we aren't strong, Jesus is okay with us hanging off of him! We can heal! Sometimes I don't even know how I feel or what is even wrong, yet I know things could be so much better. I feel as though I've been able to look back on my relationship with dad and focus on the good times we did have. I hope that you can look back and remember those times with mom. There is so much freedom when I remember the good days. At first it was hard to see anything good, and as dad has never apologized, I felt as though I had to do the healing on my own. Even though dad is alive, I've never really had closure. It's amazing how we are so affected by our parents. I love you and want you to never doubt it. It would crush me if I lost you and love to talk with you. You are one of the only people who truly understands my crap! I really should go to bed...as I get all teary. Love you!!!! Jill
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