Insanity

So.  I am a bitch.  Or so I am thinking these days.  These last few days with Dad and his lady friend were awful.  I tried to be happy but felt like I was fighting for my family the entire time.

"No, you cannot pick only your favorite granddaughter to be in the wedding because they are all mad at you right now and that will make things worse"

"No we are not spending next Christmas with lady friend and her family.  That is our family year and it has been planned for a year to have it here at our house."

"No, it is not because we are not accepting you into our family, but we are not really wanting to get to know a whole new family"

"Sorry I am not jumping up and down for joy and giggling like a 16 year old because I think you guys are rushing things and I am not insanely happy for you"

"No, I will not cater, do the flowers and decorate, and do a slideshow and do your invitations for your wedding"

"Why yes.  It is because I am a bitch and has nothing to do with the fact that I am exhausted and sick and have no energy right now and will not have time to"

"Why yes.  Spending $400 on a flower girl dress is completely normal.  I am sure she will love it for the one day she will wear it."

From cbslimited.  Looks cute though, doesn't it????

Welcome to my weekend! I spent the whole time biting my tongue and trying to not cry.  I can feel my dad pulling away and her pushing in and it is all awkward and annoying.  What can I say! I hate that Dad has not spent more time with her.  I hate that my siblings do not know her at all and so they cannot say in good judgement that they even agree with this whole thing.  I hate that we feel like a complete stranger is joining our family.  And no, just because she was moms cousin for 53 years does not make her a friend or a close family member at all.  I hate that I am hurting this way and don't know what to do about it.  I hate that I have no one to talk to about this but my blog.  I hate that I am so unhappy.  Why can I now just be happy for them? Why can I not just love them!

Vent over.


Joy Dare
Day 30:  3 old things seen new

1. My grandparents.  Over the last year I have looked at them different.  They are getting old and yet I have such a huge desire to know them like never before.
2. My marriage.  We have been together almost as long as we have been apart.  This last month has made me appreciate what we have even more.  I can't wait to one day be the wife I long to be.
3. My life.  Some days I feel old.  I feel like a new person this year.  I am making changes in me and it is good.  Now to start more.  One more day of freedom!!!