- yesterday I was at the Muttart. Amazing place. It is beautiful. At one point I was standing in the tropical pyramid and looking up at the palm trees with the blue sky behind. I just could not stop thinking about how amazing our God is to make all that beauty. I love that place.
- Mom. Last week was the 4 year mark since she died. It has been hard. Incredibly hard. Does it ever get easier? I stood at her grave with my sobbing niece on NYE and just could not believe that she was there. I guess in spirit I know she isn't, but her body is. I just want to see her.
- Husband. I could not have dreamt up a better man. Seriously. He makes me crazy, drives me mad and loves me so much it hurts all at the same time. Could I ask for more?
Today was a weird day. I woke up feeling like I had died. That is always lovely :) I grabbed Dad and went to do some work running around. I got it all done in a few hours when he asked if he should take her ring shopping or go himself and if I would look with him. Umm.....no. I wanted to scream! But I went. How odd is that! "Here....try this one on! Wow. That is beautiful! Double my budget but that is OK" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I screamed this loudly in my head the entire time. I talked to him yesterday about how it feels like he is separating himself from us and how I am kinda mad at him! I understand that he is in love and needs to put his relationship in the front, but he can't forget us. She has been around for 3 months. We have been here for 30+ years. It is hard though. I don't want to come across as a bitch, but at the same time? IS HE BLIND????? He acts like life is perfect and we are all just in the background. He didn't say much. He asked me to give his examples, I did... a lot of them, and then he asked if I had read some book. Wow. Way to change the subject.
I will be OK. Just remind me to not go ring shopping again. I am pretty sure he will be engaged in the next few weeks. He denies it yet doesn't. Does that make any sense? He says no, then says that they talk about it constantly and are waiting for the ring to make all these huge decisions like where to live and what to do for work and such. And then makes comments like " well? We will just have to put a ring on that finger so things are more final!" Not sounding like someone willing to wait much longer.
But in other news? Husband rocked tonight and made me dinner. I was so sick yesterday and made stew and told him he had to tonight and he did. Thanks Husband. You are amazing. Thank you for your patience with your sick wife. I am trying to get better! I promise!!!
I should go. I hear a bubble bath calling my name! And maybe some more Nyquil?
3 comments:
holy wow! engaged! My dad asked me a month or so ago what diamonds were going for these days. We had been shopping and just looking at upgrading my ring, so it was in context, but even so I did a double take. Why would you ask me that..what are you thinking!? I don't know if my dad will remarry though, divorcee is different than widower. I'm sure you'll handle whatever they throw at you, and kudos to you for speaking up about your discomfort.
Hugs Dawn! Wish I could do that in person. Sorry he didn't seem to "hear" what you were trying to tell him. The sad thing is that he's going to wake up one day and realise that he is alone and it's his own fault for pushing everyone away. I hope that he wakes up sooner rather than later and that the kids will be willing to trust him again. Poor kids. Love you and praying for you all. hope you feel better soon.
Thanks guys. Made for a weird time together. I know right? A LITTLE QUICK! But I guess at that age...
Tammy-I am not sure he heard a thing. Even Husband commented that he is soooo focused on her and he is not sure he even realized he was here! Didn't help that I am so sick. They are back together here in a few weeks. We will see how things go!
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