Thursday, May 7, 2009

Could my life be any wierder?

Stress kills. Stress can harm you. Stress can do all these weird and wonderful things to you. I know this. I have preached why the hell did it take me this long to figure it out for myself?

Here goes....I was diagnosed with a severe gluten intolerance about 2 years ago. I remember the day. I was devastated. Had no idea why me!!!! I know I know....the pity! About a month ago, I all of a sudden could not eat dairy. Out of the blue. Made me incredibly sick! Almost go the the hospital sick! The gluten made me mad but the dairy? This one pissed me off. And where did it come from you ask? You see, I HAVE HAD TOO MUCH STRESS IN MY LIFE AND INTERNALIZE IT ALL AND CAUSE MYSELF TO GET SICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and now for my rocket science degree please! :)

I was at work one day last week and was having a rough day. Thinking a lot about the past. I was on face book and saw a picture of the man that sexually abused me and I lost it. I controlled myself, due to the fact that I was at work, but internalized it like every other time. Then Husband phoned me and got mad at me for some work issue. I internalized it. I drove out to the job site feeling like crap to bring him some stuff and when I saw him....we'll just say that I lost it. I screamed and yelled and swore and cried until I was shaking so bad he had to hold me up. I am not like this. I do not lose it. I am not an emotional spaz type of wife so he knew something was up. When I finally stopped, he asked what had happened that day. I told him and all of a sudden I felt 500 lbs lighter. I felt alive. I felt free. I RELEASED A LOT OF CRAP THAT I HAD INTERNALIZED!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUNNY THING!!!!!!!!!

I got home later and realized that I needed to work through some stuff. SO, with a lot of praying and thinking, I pinpointed the exact day that I became a non-gluten girl and the exact day I became a non-dairy girl! I prayed through some stuff and released it and guess what?

I AM EATING TOAST RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND I AM NOT SICK!!!!!!!!!!!!

It is amazing. I am so happy! I feel free. Even my employees and friends are noticing. I am happy. Why did it take so long for me to figure it out? Not the issue, because it is gone!

I think I will go eat a cracker......

1 comment:

Mel said...

I'm so glad you're learning to let the bad stuff go and enjoy the good things, even if they seem small :) You know I'm here to share if you need me! Love you <3