Monday, May 30, 2011


I am home.

Emotionally tired.

Physically exhausted.

I will write tomorrow or Wednesday.

Goodnight world.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Phase 3 Day 2

Boy did I eat today!

I didn't do too bad actually.  I lost another .8 lbs yesterday after eating so much! I sure hope the same thing happens again! I would love to keep eating like this and to keep losing weight.

Today, Husband and I got to hang out a little.  We slept in and then took the bike for a ride.  It is a canam Spyder  .  So fun to ride! We love it.  We took it to the new Lois Hole Enjoy Center.  Had a wonderful lunch and wandered around the plants.  So relaxing! I love days like that.  We then went and got him a new cell phone and headed home.  He was hanging out with the boys today.  They went go-carting and then I met them for dinner.  They are at a movie right now.

I am chilling at home.  Made myself some steamed milk with cinnamon in it.  It was awesome.  So warm and yummy! My suitcase it packed and I am ready to go.  I am excited to see my family.  I get a day or two with dad and then tons of time with everyone else.  I think that it will be good.  I am looking forward to it.  I sure hope that it is good.  I am hoping for a lot of sun.

I am nervous though.  I have lost 20 lbs now and some of them know that.  What if I look exactly the same? What if they can't tell? Then I have to deal with all the fake oh wow! You look so good!!! Knowing it is crap.

Oh well.  I feel good.  I noticed a huge difference riding with Chad.  I felt way more comfy!

I should go get ready for bed.  Toenails are painted.  Fingernails need to get cut.  Bathroom stuff packed.  Almost done! I also have to find the passports.

Will write again soon!!!

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Goal 1- Done.

So, he is going downhill and fast.  I am flying out on Sunday to see him for 11 days.  I am not looking forward to it but at the same time I am.  I feel like I should be here working and yet I want to be there too.

I am now done phase one of my diet.  I am only doing a three week phase first instead of the six weeks I was supposed to do.  I am doing this because I don't want to have to deal with weighing and measuring while trying to help my grandparents.  So? I am now in the three days of no spray yet only 500 calories a day.  Can we say hungry????? Wow.  I had no idea.  I would kill someone for food right now.  But I ate my meal and tomorrow? I am going to eat.  I have to go from 500 calories a day to between 1500-2000 calories a day.  This is going to be hard.  I am not allowed any sugars or starches.  I am realizing that a lot of calories come from starches! I have to admit that I have already planned out my first two meals.  I am a geek.  I will admit it.

But? I am down 19 pounds.  I am so amazed.  I have maintained it all week as well.  That made me happy.  I have to admit.  I am scared to eat tomorrow.  I have to track everything to try to find out what is a trigger food.  I think that eggs might be.  I will find out tomorrow! I have to still weigh myself every day and see if there are issues or not.  If I gain 2 pounds, I have to do a plateau breaker.  I think for tomorrow I am going to eat.  I am not going to worry about adding in one food at a time.  I will deal with that the next day.  I sure hope that cheese is allowed.  I need me some cheese! I had no idea that I would crave food so bad!

I am going to watch some TV though and just chill out tonight.  Tomorrow is Husband and my wedding anniversary.  It is 11 years.  Crazy, eh? I love that guy.  I am not impressed that he is working all day and night though.  I think that I will have to go ride with him tomorrow so that we can hang out a little.  He will not be home will late and then on Saturday is his birthday stuff.  Him and the boys are going go karting and then dinner and then a movie and then x boxing or something.  I have no idea.  And then I leave early Sunday morning.  It is going to suck!!! I hope that I get some time with him at least on Saturday morning.

Time to go chill.

Later world!

Wednesday, May 18, 2011


I heard some awful news today.

My grandpa is not doing well.

He is 81 years young.

I say that because he rocks.

He has always been healthy.

He is amazing.

He is one of my favorite people in the world.

He was told he had cancer a few months ago.

Then they told him he didn't.

Now they said he does.

Then then said he doesn't.

Last week, the doctor said that he has cancer in his bones and that they need to do more tests but were going to hold off for a few months.  They said to call if he is in more pain.

He is in pain.

A lot of it.

My dad, who is not usually aware of these things phoned me this morning to tell me that I should go and visit.

He is in so much pain he is hardly eating.

He is struggling to move some days.

He is dying.

My grandpa is amazing.

He has always supported me.

Loved me.

Cared for me.

He is always there.

He is the only grandpa I have ever had.

The other one sucks.  To put it mildly.  He is no longer in my life.  Has disowned me.

So you understand why this one is even more important.

Him and my grandma have been married for 59 years.

I am afraid that between losing my mom and having a sick husband that she will go too.

I am so scared right now.

I don't want to lose him.

I love him so much.

I think I am going to go down there next week and see them.

Help out my grandma and just love on my grandpa.

I am not sure how to do my diet at the same time.

I might have to go on maintenance early.

I am down 18 lbs.

I am feeling good.

I miss my grandpa already.

This is not fair.

My Grandparents on their wedding day.  Isn't he handsome?

With all five daughters.  My mom was the one in blue.

This one just makes me smile.  Look at their hair! So funny.

Please pray for me.  I am taking this really hard.  I am not sure what to do with it.  I don't want to deal with death again so soon.

I talked to husband earlier about it and said that God just wants the good ones.  That is why the evil ones continue to live.  I know that this must be true.  It has to be.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

17 down...60 to go!

Today was a good day!

We were incredibly productive.  I love days like this.  I followed my eating plan exactly and did good.  I even drank all my water! My biggest struggle with this whole thing is drinking 8 cups of water a day.  The other day for the heck of it, I drank only as much as I wanted.  As I was thirsty for.

I drank 2 cups.  And was so full of fluid.

Before bed I made myself chug another 5 cups because I needed to but it sucked.  I am never thirsty.

I now have a drinking plan.

I have to drink 3 cups before noon.  Another 2 by two o'clock.  Another 2 before and during dinner and another one before bed.  This makes me actually drink enough.  I also won't let myself eat until I have had that water.  It is not easy, but it is working.

Another positive note? Tomorrow is the beginning of week 4.  That means I am half way done this silly diet! Well, I should say half way done this time.  I think that I will be doing this cycle at least twice and possibly three times.  I am not sure when I will stop.  I am going to do it twice in a row for sure which is a total of 6 months and then I am taking a two month break before I start again.  At that point, I am hoping to only have to do a short session which is half.  Instead of 42 days, you do 21.  At this rate, I will be done all my weight loss before my next birthday.  This is kind of cool as I started this not long after my last birthday.

As of today, from my heaviest point, I have lost 59 lbs.

Wow.  I will try to find a picture of me at that point.  I know I have lots!

Time to go to bed.  This is going to be a busy week!

Wednesday, May 11, 2011


These are some pictures of me over the last three years.  I have fluctuated by about 10-15 pounds over those years.  I have lost 15 and a half pounds.   And here I sit.  I am so discouraged again today!

My body is screwed up and I know it.  I become immune to things all the time.  I think that is what is happening.  Husband said to try taking double the dose for today to see if it works.  If that is the case? I will do that.  Otherwise, I am going to try a few other things and then do the maintenance phase if I have to.  It will make this weight thing take way longer, but it will still happen.  I am determined.  I hope that this works though.  I am in the middle of this thing now and don't really want to stop.  Other than the fact that I would love an egg.  And cheese.  OK.  Either way? I am going to continue to lose weight.  In the bottom picture, I had already lost some.

Oh, and yes.  I am surfing in that one picture! So fun.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

201.8 lbs.

Weight loss has been slowing down for me.  I am very frustrated.  I did another steak day today.  I am hoping that I lose weight tomorrow.  I have been losing between .2 and .6 the last few days.  Before that? 1.6 was my average.  I am feeling pretty frustrated.  Husband says that I am still losing weight and so I should be happy.  Should I be? I guess so.  I just wanted a bigger loss faster I guess.  But with my body, nothing goes easy.  J&R (roommates) told me to just be happy and keep it up.

I am done my first two sessions end of September.  I have decided that no matter how much I have lost, I am going to stop until January.  I think I will give myself and my body a break.  I am supposed to wait a little longer in between two and three anyways so I will take a three month break.  I sure hope that the weight speeds up in its leaving process so that I only have to do this twice.  I would rather lose it all in two sessions then have to do this again.  We will see! At this point, I would like to lose about 60 more pounds.

Wanna hear something cool? I am half way there! I started trying to lose weight years ago, after the huge weight gain from the aneurysm, and my starting point was 258 lbs.  I am shocked that I was that heavy but I look at pictures and know the truth.  The cool thing is though that I have lost almost half my weight! I can't wait to see what I look like in 50 lbs.  I am very curvy and was even as a kid.  I am curious what I will look like! I have this number in my head of 140 but am willing to stop once I feel good.  Once I look good.  Husband will tell me.  I am scared though that this will become a control issue and I will just want to do this forever.

I have started a food list though.  Every time I think I am going to die if I can't eat something, I add it to my list.  I am curious to see what I actually want to eat in 7 weeks when I am free to eat anything.  I am very curious.  Having had no sugar, or dairy or fats or starches for 9 weeks will make me want different things.  Or I will just want them all and eat them! The list is almost funny.  Things like burgers and fries, cheese, hash browns and eggs with chorizo, taco salad, ice tea, soup, BBQ chicken, ribs, a grilled cheese sandwich, a toasted sandwich with deli meats, cheeses and banana peppers.....and the list goes on.

I should go to bed.  I am tired today.  I have been getting up really early with Husband this week and have not been sleeping much after he leaves.  I then wait up for him at night.  I think I need a weekend!

Goodnight world!

I am going to try to post some before pictures this week.  I am also taking measurements again later this week and will try to remember to post them.  Last weeks measurements were good.  Hard to believe but good.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Mothers Day

Could this day suck any more?

I can't have kids and my mom is dead.

Wow.  Happy Mothers Day.

Good ol Hallmark.

Needed more money.

So they decided to create another day.

Wow.  Bitter much?

On a better/kinda note?

I am now down 14 lbs.

I am slowing down though in my weight loss and that is scaring me.

I have to lose weight tomorrow or I am doing another steak day.

It was OK last time, but really?

Can nothing go easy for me?

Tomorrow should be insane for work for me as well.

I made some huge decisions last week and the fall out is starting tomorrow.

What do I do?

I will take some B12, spend some time relaxing and I will get through it.

I need this diet to work.

It has to.

I am feeling pretty good though.

Today I was weak. 

Very weak.

I did a few hours of yard work with Husband this morning.

We then went for a long bike ride (motorbike).

Then we hung pictures in our bedroom, changed a light switch to a dimmer and relaxed.

Overall? It was a good day.

I should go to bed.

Sorry this blog is so boring!

Friday, May 6, 2011

Not cool body...

Not cool

Yesterday and today were tough.  Yesterday I had a lunch meeting with our lawyer.  Those are always nice as she takes me to really fancy restaurants with amazing food and pays the bill! On this diet? NOT SO MUCH FUN!

I asked for a plain chicken breast and a few tomato slices thinking it was my diet and would be OK.  The chef got mad as if it was an insult and proceeded in telling me he would charge me $22.  For real? That is insane.  So instead? I just didn't eat.  Because of this, I didn't get any food until almost 3.  Not a good thing.  I was not so much hungry but I needed the food to be spread out and eaten.  It sucked.  I then had the power go out so I could not make dinner for my dad who was in town for dinner last night.  So we went out.  Fun again! This time we went to a restaurant that would make me chicken and tomatoes.  I ate it and felt fine but the result?

I did not lose a pound this morning.  I was so incredibly irritated.  I felt like a failure.  I hated it.  Put me in a funk all day.  I sure hope that I lose weight tomorrow.  I am putting so much faith in this that it has to work! I gave away over half my clothes today.  I have a cousin and her sister that are the same size as I was.  As I get rid of clothes I give them to them.  They love it and it makes me feel good! And now I have to lose the weight or else I will not have any clothes to wear!

I might be insane, but I have faith and I am a stubborn girl and will do this.

So, tomorrow is a new day.

Tomorrow I will lose more weight.

Tomorrow will be a good day.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Whats food got to do with it...

That is right.

I have lost 11 lbs.

I still don't really believe it.

Husband keeps asking if I am excited.

I am not sure I am!

I still can't actually physically see a difference.

I am measuring myself on Friday or Saturday.

I am hoping that around the 20 lb mark, I will actually see a physical change.

Today I am tired.

There is a lot going on with work right now and with house stuff.

It is exhausting me.

I have not seen much of Husband this week and that is hard.

I have also forgotten my B12 for the last week.

The combination of all these?

Making a really not happy lady.

I am OK though.

I just need to go to sleep and get up in the morning and start a new day.

Friday is girls day.

I am looking forward to another one of those.

They always boost me up for awhile again.

If I continue to lose at least a pound a day, I will hopefully lose a full 40 this protocol!

That would mean that I would get to only do two and I would be done the weigh loss thing.

I have to admit.

This diet?

Not always easy.

Today we were out of the house for lunch and it sucked.

I drank water.

Tomorrow I have a lunch meeting.

I will drink water.

Friday for girls day?

I will drink water.

Those days are hard.

I am hoping that over the next few weeks it gets easier.

I am officially one day into the second week.

I have almost 5 to go.

I want a cheeseburger.

Monday, May 2, 2011


This has been a tough weekend! I had my dad here for his 60th and our new housemates arrived and my brother came! Which means that I went into hostess mode and cooked some amazing food.

Friday-BBQ pork back ribs, mashed potatoes, BBQ asparagus, salad

Saturday-gourmet deli toasted sandwiches for lunch and for dinner we had turkey smokies and sweet potato fries

Sunday-glazed ham, scalloped potatoes, apple raspberry pie and candied carrots


I am so sick of eating just chicken or turkey and raw veggies.

I will be OK though.  You know why?

Cause I have lost 9.4 lbs!!!!!

You read that right!!!!!!

So excited.