Saturday, April 30, 2011

No title.

So.  Happy.  About.  Losing.  Weight.

Having a really rough day.

Got an email this morning telling me that my second cousin died.

She was jogging last night and was hit by a car.

Not sure who's fault it was and who's fault it wasn't.

She is dead.

She was 24.

I have known her my entire life.

She was so cute and kind and friendly.

Loved her.

And then, when that shock wore off.

I got a phone call.

My grandpa has cancer.

They thought that it was not actually cancer and everyone was acting as though nothing was wrong.

They did some more tests.



In his bones.

In his brain.

In his organs.


Not sure on time lines yet.

More tests happening.

This sucks.

My Grandpa is the most amazing man I have ever met. 

He is incredible. 

He is kind and giving and non judgemental. 

He is funny and sweet and loves people. 

And most of all? He loves me. 

He is an incredible man of God and I know he is ready to go home. 

He misses my mom. 

They will be together again probably soon.

I am so frustrated with this all. 

I hate health issues.

I have had to deal with them so much personally that I get really frustrated when more happen.

I also hit my monthly "thing".

How do you type that so that people are not disgusted?

It is all an insane cycle.

Tomorrow will be better.

I am buying a book shelf.

I am going to finally unpack my library.

I am looking forward to it actually.

And it is my dads 60th birthday.

And I am going to Riverdance.

And I am going to lose weight!

I will make sure tomorrow is a good day.

Even not being able to eat much.

I have...

LOST 6.2 LBS!!!!!!!!!

Can I just say, YEAH!

Friday, April 29, 2011

Insanity Day 3

So, today was hard.  I just wanted to eat regular food so bad it was insane! Doesn't help that I am in the week before my period (TMI) and am craving anything bad for me!

So, down to the numbers.

This morning?

211.8 lbs.

You read that right.  I it is working! I can't wait to weigh myself tomorrow.  I sure hope I lost more! I can't wait to be under the 200 mark.

The stupid liver cleanse is kicking my ass though.  I have way to many issues in my body and they are all being cleansed.  I am having acne, insane headaches that nothing gets rid of, weakness, tired, moody, and all kinds of weird things.  I was warned that this was coming.  My body has been through so much and this is just showing me that I sure need this.  I am curious to see what this next week holds!  On Wednesday I am going to do all my measurements again.  I also want to start doing a little walking as well.  I will see what happens.  When only eating a little bit, I have to be careful that things are good and that I have enough energy to do everything else.

Wish me luck!!!

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Too soon?

Is is too soon to think this might be working?

Last night, I weighed 219.8 lbs.  I am always about 4 pounds heavier at night.

This morning? I weighed 215.8 lbs.  I was not surprised.

The surprise? Tonight? I weighed 215.8 lbs.

It is the week before my period.  I should be gaining weight.

I followed the diet exactly today.  It was hard.  I kid you not.

From gorging to 500 calories is hard.

But I did it.

And I was not starved all day like I thought I would be.

This post is making no sense and is annoying me.

I am heading to bed.  I am tired.

But the question is...

What will I weigh in the morning? Will I have actually lost 4 pounds?

According to research, because I have a lot to lose, there is the potential to lose a lot fast in the first few weeks.  Could this be working?

Check back tomorrow and I will let you know how the morning went.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

The truth shall set you free...

Sounds ominous, doesn't it?

So here goes.  I am about to put it out there.  All my weights and measurements.

Sound like fun?

Just so you know? SCARED SHITLESS!!!!!!!

Enough is enough.  I am a lard ass.  I am OK with that.  Here goes nothin'!

All weights and measurements below were taken after two days of gorging and last night.

Weight- 218.2 lbs
Chest-47.5 inches
Neck-15.25 inches
Left Arm-12.5 inches (taken at largest point on bicep)
Right Arm-13.25 inches (can you tell I am right handed???)
Waist-48 inches
Hips-51.75 inches
Left Thigh-28.5 inches (taken at largest point)
Right Thigh-29 inches
Left and Right Calf-16 inches

Wow.  I knew what I weighed so that did not horrify me, but the actual numbers of the body parts made me want to cry! I know how I gained weight.  I know how much I have to lose.  The reason I am measuring everything is because I want to now inches as well.  I don't just want a number on the scale.  I want to know how many inches are lost.  I am going to be weighing myself everyday.  I am going to measure once a week.  I will hopefully be posting some better numbers a week from now! In the meantime? I will keep you updated.

My goals:

  • Lose 30 pounds per session (6 weeks).  People average 1 pound per day on this and so I could lost up to 40 pounds but am setting my goal low so that I might be pleasantly surprised.

  • Walk 20 minutes per day during this diet.  Even just in stores or something.  Just to get myself moving.  Want to slim by exercise as well but on only 500 restricted calories a day, will not overdo it.

  • Lose a grand total of at least 70 pounds.  At that point? I will look at everything and see how I feel.  I will decide it it is worth it to continue this whole thing and lose more or maybe I will be happy! That will put me at 150 pounds and on my frame? That is not a ton.  I have a naturally curvy body.  When I graduated I was 130 pounds and considered small.  I carry my weight well.  People are usually shocked (genuinely) when they know my weight.  Even my doctor has re-weighed me before.

  • Feel good.

  • Be healthier.
Tomorrow I start this whole thing.  I am so glad.  I had a really hard time eating so much these last few days.  Was incredibly hard.  I am looking forward to my green tea, chicken and the rest of my items tomorrow.  I will miss milk.  I will miss cheese.  I will miss a few things but seeing how sick I felt this week, I am sooooo excited.

I am actually looking forward to putting this all out there.  I hope that it encourages at least one person.

It is time for bed now.

It is time to read a book, deal with my tummy ached and try to sleep. 

More updates soon!


Who knew that gorging would be so hard!!!!!

I am maybe the only person who is not enjoying this whole gorging thing.  I am supposed to be eating as much as possible for three days.  As much fat and and sugar as possible.  THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE!!!! I don't eat sugar or fat on a regular day and am having a hell of a time.  I am trying but it is making me so sick! I have had a headache for two days.  I am bloated and can't fit in my clothes and my body is rebelling like you would not believe.  The idea of this is that you must eat like crap on a regular day so you are just eating more! I talked to a friend that did this and she did it just for these days! She loved them.  I have no appetite on a good day and this is just not cool.  Husband was bribing me all night to eat more.  I hardly slept from the headache. 

But I can do this.

I can eat crap! I am heading to Starbucks.  A whole fat nasty drink for this girl with extra whip!

And maybe a cookie or four!

Husband is laughing at me.  He thinks it is hilarious! Who knew that eating like a pig would help you lose weight!

This portion is to increase your fat reserves so that you survive the first week.

I will never make it.........

But I promise I will post a picture and all my measurements tonight.  They are horrifying.  I have to admit.  I was apalled but will make sure I post them.

Monday, April 25, 2011


Potentially this could be the most amazing year of my life to date.

Today is Day 1.

Today I started a new eating plan.  I know you have all heard this before, but I am trying something tried and true that I know people have used and it has worked.  It is a little controversial, but I am doing it anyways.  I am dreaming big and it is going to work.

I am trying the HHGC diet.  It is the homeopathic version of the HCG diet that you are hearing a lot about these days.

Today is Day 1.

Today I have to gorge myself.  I know.  Sounds like fun right? I am supposed to eat as much as I possibly can.  As high in fat and sugar as I can.  IT SUCKS!!!! I have no appetite on a good day.  I don't eat a lot of crap! I have been in the bathroom all day! My body is pissed.  I have to do this for three days.  On Day 4, I will start the spray and the eating plan.

The science behind this plan is incredible.  I have researched it completely and I am really excited.  According to the naturopath where I got it, I will lose at least a pound a day for the whole 42 days of the protocol.  I am going to do this twice.  I am going to do it once, then you spend six weeks setting your metabolism and then you start again.  So, all in all? I am planning on doing this for the next six months.  It is going to be a long six months!

I am one of those people that is comfortable with my body.  I am fairly happy with it.  I will wear anything.  I will wear a bathing suit.  I am not ashamed of what I have.

  • I am sick of feeling heavy
  • I am sick of sore knees
  • I am sick of not wearing dresses
  • I am sick of being treated like the "fat girl"
  • I am sick of having to turn 100 times a night cause I hurt
  • I want to wear sexy lingerie for my husband!
  • I want to wear cute skirts and dressed
  • I want to be able to jog
  • I want to be able to hike
  • I want to be able to comfortably sit on a plane
  • I want to feel cute for my husband
  • I want to wear heels
  • I want to be cute!!!!!!!!
So? I am going to go gung ho.  I am going to do this.  I am going to work so hard for this and see what happens! My goal is to lose 80 pounds this year.  I am not stuck on that number.  I will stop when I look the way I want.  I am counting on people helping me with that.  I have had an eating disorder in the past and that worries me.  I am scared that I will not know when to stop.  Husband knows this and I am putting this out there for you guys as well!

Tonight? I am going to weigh and do all my measurements.  I am going to be insane and post it on here.  Wow.  All my fat for the world to see! I will write on here how it is going.  I will post weekly pictures and measurements and how easy or hard it is.  I will answer any questions and would love some feedback!

I am super excited! I have to admit.  As hard a time as I am having eating today, it is going to be good.  My aunt and uncle did this and in 21 days, lost 25 and 28 lbs and have kept it off completely.

Here goes my first week!

Pictures and measurements tomorrow...

Thursday, April 21, 2011


Change and insanity are in the air at our house.

You should see it! The house is a disaster and the mood is insane!

We leave for Easter visiting tonight when Husband comes home.

Monday we are home.  Have to deliver some furniture to a friend who bought it.

Tuesday is build a garden shed night.

Wednesday my dad comes.

Thursday we build shelves in the garage to hold our crap.

Friday my brother is flying in early to surprise my dad as the Sunday is his 60th birthday.

Friday at noon our friends arrive here to move in.

Saturday.  Gong show.

Sunday is activities for Dad and a nice dinner out.  Then Riverdance at night.

Monday.  Gong show.

Monday night brother leaves.

Tuesday Dad leaves.

Wednesday? Continue work and unpacking.

Wow.  Want to live the next few weeks for me? I am excited and scared and just tired thinking about it.

And in the middle of this? Next Monday, I am starting a huge life change.  It is a minimum six month commitment and I am taking you all on the journey with me.  I will tell you more about it next week.  For now? I need to go work, do laundry and figure out what to do this weekend.

Happy Easter!

Monday, April 18, 2011

Roller derby, flowers and the Duke

What every woman needs.

Last December, I went to a small Mennonite church that my cousin pastors for a Christmas banquet.  I sat at a table with his wife and another pastors wife from another church.  OK.  So there were other people there too, but I had so much fun with these two ladies, that I kinda didn't care about anyone else! To be honest :)

We started talking and decided that we should get together again soon.  We set a date.  Two weeks from then, they would leave their combined 7 kids at home with dads and come into the big bad city (they live 45 minutes away) and we would hang out for a few hours.  A few hours turned into a whole day and "Girls Day" was officially launched.

We now do this monthly.  You read that right.  One day out of every month, they come into town and we hang out.  I love to spoil them rotten when they come so we tend to have a really good time.

We have:

  • gone fabric shopping (that was a laugh and a half!)
  • butterdome craft sales
  • appetizer meals at many different restaurants
  • hair appointments
  • make over days
  • clothes shopping
  • movies
  • roller derby games
  • Muttart Conservatory
  • gourmet desserts at a bakery in town where I ate a Duke
  • Starbucks (the start of every time!)
  • cooking in my kitchen
  • sitting on my couch laughing and talking
  • serious times
  • farmers markets
  • not so serious times
  • just enjoyed ourselves 

I am loving it.  They are usually about 12 hours long so we can fit in a lot of stuff! The husbands don't seem to mind.  We are forming a bond.  We are creating time for us.  It is amazing.  We started slow, and have just not slowed down! We have people asking to join us, but other than special circumstances, we are just the three of us.  We are a little clique that doesn't want to share! We work.

We don't talk kids, that much as I don't have any to talk about! We don't talk work.  We don't complain about our husbands.  We have gotten to the point where we are planning two months in advance! It was funny.  After the first one, we had had so much fun that we decided to try again.  We took almost a month to finally initiate it and when we did? We didn't stop.

Next month? Potluck lunch at my house.  Painting pottery at a little place in town.  Spoil each other with compliments and love.  Possibly a movie to end the night.  Maybe a little walk down Whyte Ave just because.  And probably the fabric store.  We have a sewing queen in our group and loves fabric.  The other two? We just laugh and try to get her to buy ugly stuff.  We also buy fabric sometimes and then never use it.  That reminds me, I have a quilt that needs to be made one day!

I am realizing more and more as the months go by, that I wait impatiently for the next day to come.  It is a safe day.  We don't have to do anything amazing, we don't even have to spend money.  We just get to be.  They get a day away from life and kids and I just get a day to be me.

Do you get this? We figure we are the odd ones out.  Most women get an afternoon or a coffee and we get a whole day.  I will let you know how they go! We have a guest with us next month.  We approved it as a group.  We are too funny.  But, if you are ever in town? Let me know.  I will ask them to approve you too.

Friday, April 15, 2011


I hate my brain.

I hate my emotions.

I hate how much the weather affects my emotions.

I hate that I live in a country where winter lasts waaaaaaaaaay too long.


I love my jeans I am wearing.

I love my new back yard.

I love my dog.

I love that I have an amazing Husband.

I love that I have a friend coming into town tonight and we get to hang out.

I love that I have two friends coming tomorrow to cheer me up.


I hate that I don't know if my friend who is coming tonight is coming to see me or is just too cheap to get a hotel room and that is the only reason I will see her.

I hate that my job causes me so much stress some days.

I hate that Husband had to go to work again.

I hate that it snowed 5 inches yesterday after all the snow was gone and is supposed to keep snowing into next week.

I hate that I cannot feel like this is home for a few more weeks as I have to wait for our friends to move here in order to finally unpack and decorate.


I love that I got to have breakfast with Husband this morning.

I love that my car has heated seats.

I love that I have bananas ready to make banana bread at some point today or tomorrow.

I love that at some point the sun will come back out and that the snow will leave.  This is a proven fact in science and at some point? Hopefully before August, we will have green grass.

I love that I have a year pass to the Muttart Conservatory and that I am going to go there on Sunday.

I love that I get to go to Riverdance beginning of May.

I love that our friends are moving here in two weeks.

I love that I have a tv.

I love that there is a coffee shop so close to my house.

I love that I can see that tomorrow will be a better day.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Muttart Conservatory.

My new favorite place.

Who doesn't need a little green in their winter?

My house not the gardens.  Still pretty though!

I hope you enjoyed a little color today! It seemed like a day that needed some greenery!

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Headaches and romance

This is a big week at our house.

As some of you know, 15 years ago yesterday, Husband asked me out.  Well, officially? It was the day before, but I said maybe and so I never actually said yes until the 5th.  At 3:14 pm.  Wow.  Cheesy I know.  But I remember these things!

I remember sitting in my room on my bed and holding the phone forever.  I had nervous butterflies in my stomach and could barely breathe.  I was so excited.  And nervous.  I actually thought it was a joke! Really? The hot popular guy had asked me out? I SAID MAYBE???? Oh the drama to my small 15 year old mind.  But man am I glad that I said yes.  He has been an amazing boyfriend and husband.  We have had an amazing marriage.  Don't get me wrong, we have had our issues, and will continue to, but for the most part? Could not ask for better.  Love you HUSBAND!!!!!

So, that was yesterday.

Tomorrow? Tomorrow will be 13 years since I had my brain aneurysm.  You read that right.  Three days before my 18th birthday, I got a headache.  I hate April 7th every year.  I get an enormous headache, usually have my period as well (TMI...I know), and I feel sick.  There was a 50% chance I would die from a second one within 10 years.  Yup.  Still kickin'! I will make tomorrow a good day though.  I will get up early and drive Husband to work (5 am) come home and go back to sleep, I will pray when I get up that I will have a great day.  I will wake up later than I should, go for a walk to get a coffee at Starbucks (caffeine  helps with headaches some days).  I will eat an amazing lunch, not sure what, but it will be good, I will make a wonderful roast dinner for Husband as he has been requesting it.  I will make a list of 25 things to be thankful for.

Tomorrow will be a good day.  I am not going to let it kick my ass this year.   One day when I have a scanner again, I will post some pictures of those early days of Husband and I and of me in the hospital.

And Sunday?


I will be 31 this year.  Holy crap is my mind screwed up with this one! My head knows I can't have kids, my body is not so sure yet.  I am having major mommy pains and my clock is ticking so loud! It is almost funny! I will be 31.  I feel so young still.  I think it is because I am not watching my kids grow.  I am not watching their milestones.  It will be a good day though.  I am going to go to church, still looking for one, go to my favorite little diner 'Blue Plate Diner' for lunch, and do who knows what during the day.  I have requested door knobs for my closet for a gift.  I want to go pick some from Anthropologie.  Maybe we will do that!

It is time I go.  I have a meeting and need to make sure I am there on time.


Monday, April 4, 2011

1 down...436 left!

Can you imagine having 436 boxes left to unpack? I think I would cry to be honest.  Things here are moving along.  We moved last week.  My stress level rose to an unhealthy level.  I am ok now.

Husband started his new job today.  He left hours ago and I just want to phone him so bad and see how it is going! He was so nervous.  He has been his own boss completely for the last year and a half and is now an employee.  SCARY! I am so proud of him though.  I think it will be good for him.  I think/hope he loves it! He got an amazing job.  Can I just say how amazing God is? We had a list.  A fairly ridiculous list.

  • Monday - Friday
  • Home every night for dinner
  • Company truck
  • Company cell phone
  • Benefits
  • Salary between $-$$
  • Year round
  • Paid holidays
  • Occasional weekend at best
  • Long weekends off
  • 50  hours or less a week

Can I just say that to us? This is a dream job! In the past, he has worked 90+ hours a week, made lots of money but we never saw him.  It sucked to say the least.  He would work his ass off for 8 months a year and then sit for 4 right in the middle of my busiest time of year.  He had no life! He also had those months off from usually December -March.  Can I just remind you that I live in the frozen north and those are all winter months? REALLY FREAKIN' COLD WINTER MONTHS!!!

What we expected from a job?
  • Monday - Saturday
  • Home by 8 at the earliest
  • Riding his bike (a can am spyder, not a peddle bike) or vehicle sharing
  • No cell phone
  • No benefits
  • Salary? What is that? Hourly all the way baby and weather dependant.
  • 6 months a year max and then hunting for a new job every year
  • No holidays.  Who needs those!
  • Work.  Every weekend.  And possibly Sundays
  • No long weekends off.  Heaven forbid the weather is nice! We have to work! (good ol road building)
  • Minimum of 72 hours a week
So I prayed and prayed and had other people doing it as well.  He sent out probably 100 resumes for the second type of job.  Somehow (GOD!!!) his resume made it to some guys desk and he got the top job! He didn't even apply for it!!! Can I just tell you how incredibly excited I am? I have had so many doubts about what we are doing lately and this was a good kick in the butt from the big guy to just trust him.  Who gets jobs hey don't apply for! I am so happy for him.  He was not looking forward to going back to work in order to carry out my whims, but if he has to? Hopefully the job is a gooder!

God is good.  That is all I can say.

Lately I have been having such negative thoughts and feelings.  A friend told me that I was giving Satan too much power in my life.  I was also giving him to much credit for my life! For the negative crap! Wow.  That kind of hurt.  I have to admit, it was hard to hear, but I needed to hear it.  For the last few days, I have been saying to myself in my mind over and over " I trust you God.  You are stronger than anything.  You are the most powerful and you are on my side.  I rock" Sounds ridiculous, but it is working.  I am smiling today! I have so much to do at the house today, but I will get it done.  I will crank some good music ( I have a play list called Happy that I will be playing today!) and I will dance and unpack! I got up early (thanks to the motivation of a blog and life friend Lollie) and am getting stuff done.

What else......

My back yard! The house we are now renting has a huge back yard for in the city.  It is 11000 square feet.  Whatever that means.  I just know it is big :) It is under a lot of snow right now but every day as it melts more, I find more treasures! I can now see a lot of trees, shrubs, a sculpture, a fountain, a table and chair set like this one

Only has two benches so far! The yard is supposedly amazing and manicured, but the owner has lied about a few things so far, so we will see! It is like a game to me though.  What new things are there! Husband is laughing at me.

I should go back to unpacking now.  Much to do and so little time!

Have a great Monday blog world!