Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas world!

Hope everyone is having an amazing day!

Got the greatest gift ever. A photo book of the slideshow from our wedding. It is amazing. I will take pictures one day and post them on here.

I think I have strep throat. I will probably spend my night in the hospital.

That sucks.

Good day though. Time for breakfast!

Not cool

I am on holidays and I am sick. Not just a little sick. Like aches and pains, fever, puking, coughing so stuffed up I can hardly breathe sick. Today is day three of this. I am supposed to be singing and laughing and visiting and I am sooooooo sick.

This sucks.

But my hosts are gracious and love me and are doing everything they can to make me happy. I feel like a bum. I need a hot bathtub and a hot water bottle and a tv and a bed and some love.

This sucks.

Yup.

Not many updates happening.

A lot on my mind.

Roller coaster of emotions.

I will update soon.

Lots going on.

Good and bad.

Answers coming slowly but coming.

Soon..........I promise.



We are leaving tomorrow to go on holidays for a couple weeks. It is going to be a couple weeks filled with good friends, good food and a lot of driving. Really looking forward to it all. Have to get to sleep. Need to wake up in about 5 hours.

Soon. I promise.

Random Facts from A to Z

A - AVAILABLE: That depends :) but no, not really
B - BIRTHDAY: April 10, 1980
C - CRUSHING ON: my hubby
D - DRINK YOU LAST HAD: raspberry tea
E - EASIEST PERSON(S) TO TALK TO: Susie or Maiya, there are a few right now!
F - FAVORITE SONG: save a horse ride a cowboy!
G - GUMMY BEARS OR GUMMY WORMS: health food store fruit gummies
H - HOMETOWN: so not actually putting this in here! It is the Internet!
I - IN LOVE WITH: my family and my friends
J - JUGGLE: just my life!
K - KILLED SOMEONE: Does anyone actually answer yes to this?
L - LONGEST CAR RIDE: from Terrace to Disneyland
M- MILKSHAKE FLAVOR: A&W root beer
N - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS: 2 and 2 married ins and 3 in laws
O - ONE WISH: health...good health
P - PERSON YOU CALLED LAST: Dad
Q- QUICKIE: love them
R- REASON TO SMILE: I am leaving in 4 days for holidays!
S - SONG YOU LAST HEARD: the ones on my blog!
T - TIME YOU WOKE UP: 9:45 am :)
U - UNDERWEAR COLOR: bright pink with white edges
V - VEGETABLE(S): everything but most squashes or eggplant
W - WORST HABIT: the Internet and TV
X - X-RAYS YOU'VE HAD: wow.....a lot! Too many to list. Probably pushing 40+ Yeah for radiation poisoning!!!
Y - YOYOS ARE: annoying
Z - ZODIAC SIGN:Aries? I think?

Random Questions About You:

Spell your name without vowels: dwn
Your favorite number: 21
What color do you wear most?: it varies on my mood
Least favorite color?: Yellow. Makes me look awful!
What are you listening to?: Husband giggling at whatever he is watching on his laptop!
Are you happy with your life right now?: some areas yes, others? hell no.
What is your favorite class in school?: Band
When do you start back at school/college?: I would love to go back to school one day! Decorating and cooking classes.
Are you outgoing?: Most days I think. Other days, quite shy!
Favorite pair of shoes: my winter boots. So comfy!
Where do you wish you were right now?: anywhere hot with a beach

THE CANS...
Can you dance?: when no one is watching!
Can I dance well? Husband says yes, I am not sure!
Can you tie a cherry stem with your mouth?: nope....not at all
Can you whistle?: sometimes
Write with both hands?: yes I can!
Neatly? not bad!
Cross your eyes?: Yes
Walk with your toes curled?: I can

THE DO'S:
Do you believe there is life on other planets?: No
Do you believe in miracles?: yes. definitely yes.
Do you believe in magic?: no
Love at first sight?: Love?Maybe. Lust, infatuation, attraction? Yes definitely
Do you believe in Satan?: Yes
Do you believe in Santa?: No
Do you know how to swim?: Yes
Do you like roller coasters?: Yes
Do you think you could handle the stuff they eat on those reality shows?: depending on my mood. I have eaten some amazing things.

THE HAVES:
Have you ever been on a plane?: Yes
Have you ever asked someone out?: Yes
Have you ever been asked out by someone?: Yes
Have you ever been to the ocean?: Yes
Have you ever painted your nails?: Yes, just today! I really dark purple with gold specks

THE WHATS:
What is the temperature outside?: -38 degrees Celsius. Yup that is right. FREAKIN COLD!
What radio station do you listen to?:usually the christian station
What was the last restaurant you ate at?: Original Joe's
What was the last thing you bought?:a new scarf and mittens, two sets actually!
What was the last thing on TV you watched?: Law & Order SVU

THE WHO'S:
Who was the last person you IM'd? probably Jethro!
Who was the last person you took a picture of?: my Christmas tree!
Who was the last person you said I love you to?: Husband

CRYING SECTION:
Ever really cried your heart out?: Yes
Ever cried yourself to sleep?: Yes
Ever cried on your friend's shoulder?: Yes
Ever cried over the opposite sex?: Yes of course
Do you cry when you get an injury?: only if it really hurts
Do certain songs make you cry?: sure
Are you a happy person?: I try to be
What can make you happy?: time with Husband, dates with friends and my puppy
You wish you were happier?: yes I do
Can music make you happy?: Yes

LOVE SECTION.
How many times have you had your heart broken?: A couple of times I'm sure
Have you ever loved someone so much that you'd die for them: YES!
What is your current hair color?: red/brown?
Current piercings?: one in each ear, but never wear earrings and my nose
Have any tattoos?: no but thinking of getting one
Eye color?: Husband says I have alien eyes. They change color often. I think they are a hazel/green right now.

IN A BOY/GIRL:
Favorite eye color: baby blue
Short or long hair: short and preppy
Short Or Tall: I love tall
Best clothing: jeans, flip flops and a t-shirt. Gotta have a baseball cap on.

HAVE YOU EVER
Been to jail: no
Mooned someone: yup!
Ran away from home: yes
Laughed so hard you cried: Yep
Cried in school: Yep
Thrown up in a store: yes
Wanted to be a model: no
Cheated on someone: no
Done something really stupid that you still laugh today: ummm let me think YES
Seen a dead body:yes
Gone skinny dipping: yes :)

THIS OR THAT
Pepsi or Coke: Neither
McDonald's or Burger King: McDonald's
Single or Group Dates: Both can be good
Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate
Strawberries or Blueberries: blueberries
Meat or Veggies: a bit of both
TV or Movie: either
Guitar or Drums?: guitar
Adidas or Nike: which ever
Chinese or Mexican: Mexican. My favorite
Cheerios or Corn Flakes: Honey Nut Cheerios are the best
Cake or Pie: coconut cream pie baby!
MTV or VH1: depends on the show
White gold or yellow: yellow. Looks better with my skin tone
Night person or morning: Night


SO, a little bit of information for you! You should all copy it and post it on your blogs! I would love to learn a little more about you.

Not sure.

I am not sure what to think.

Good news? I got a phone call this morning and got to go in for my ultrasound today. I had to drink four and a half litres of fluids in two hours. It sucked. I almost peed my pants and it hurt really bad. Man, I can't imagine doing that one again soon.

Thank you God for the break. I needed something to happen. Life is just full of no answers right now.

It was weird though. The ultrasound technician kept asking me really weird questions and when I asked him why, he avoided my glaze like you would not believe. He then asked if he could take extra pictures for the doctor. He took pics of my kidneys and all kinds of things. It was weird.

Should I be concerned?

He then told me to make sure I phoned my doctor on Monday morning.

Yup.

Nothing is easy.

But, I am doing OK. I am kinda prepared for the worst and not sure what to expect. I know that I am thinking really negative, but if you knew my luck with these sorts of things? You would understand. Sad enough, even Chad asked what the worst that could happen was. Sad. I know.

Hmmmmmm........ wonder what will happen on Monday.

Hoarding

I cleaned my house today.

I got down on my hands and knees and spent a few hours making sure that the entire house was clean. It felt so good. Part of losing the jobs, was losing the house cleaner that came weekly. That was a sad day.

Tonight, I am watching "Hoarders".

Have you guys watched that show? It is so disturbing. It is about people that have OCD and are compulsive hoarders. It is crazy. I feel so bad for these people. I feel bad for their families. The one lady? She was so disconnected from her children that her son left for the war without saying goodbye.

I am sitting here watching it and thinking of some of my family. No one is that bad, but man alive! I wonder sometimes if I have a few hoarders in my life. My mom kept a lot. Everyone always said how organized and clean she was. When she died? We realized that she was just an organized pack rat. She had things that I won't even type here for the embarrassment of it. It was insane.

I try so hard to not be a pack rat. Husband throws everything out. It is almost funny! He hates mess and clutter and makes sure that he gets rid of a lot. I have gotten a lot better as well. I used to keep everything. I would keep crap that I had no right to keep! You should have seen it when I got married. It was nuts. I spent many days packing all my important crap. I packed it all to Husbands basement suite. He then made me go through everything and throw most of it out! It was infuriating and now I am so grateful.

Husband taught me to value the important things in life. To not keep the old cards, and papers, and clothes and things that people have given me. They are not important. The people were important. I have taken pictures of a lot of things that were very precious to me in my life. I now can look at them and see the memory instead of having it in the box in the basement that never gets looked at anyways!

I now go through my house at least once or twice a year and get rid of stuff. Things I don't wear, garbage, stuff that I could donate and that someone else would like. I give a lot of stuff away.

It feels good.

I love it.

I can't imagine living like that.

Insane.

Sad

I am not doing good today.

I had no idea the emotions that could come on days like this when you have finally started dealing with emotions.

I hate it.

I am on the verge of tears. I have cried so many times today.

I wrapped all my Christmas presents.

I just want to hug Chad.

He is off playing xbox with the roommate.

I hate it.

I need him today.

He isn't noticing.

I am not strong enough today to ask for help.

Tomorrow will be a better day.

Tomorrow I will be happy.

I wish it was tomorrow.

Mom

Tomorrow was my mom's birthday.

She was killed in a car accident almost two years ago.

I miss her.

These last few months, I have been dealing with a lot. I am learning to set boundaries and all that other stuff. One of the things that I dealt with was the death of my mom and my forgiveness to her for all the hurt that I have. She might have hurt me and caused me a lot of pain, but she tried. She loved me in her own way and tried her hardest to do what she thought was right most of the time. I truly believe this now. Tomorrow is her birthday. She would have been 55. She was really young when she died. It was very tragic and hard to accept. It was insane. She was on black ice, lost control, and was thrown into oncoming traffic which happened to be a semi truck. He did everything in his power to avoid her. He tried so hard. The poor guy. I feel sorry for him. I heard later that he phoned 911 and that the call was insane.

Tomorrow was her birthday.

I miss her.

Waiting.

I don't do well with waiting.

I hate it.

I was supposed to go for my ultrasound today. I drank my two litres of water, waited all freakin' day, and then they told me I had to drink more.

Now I have to wait even longer. Hopefully I will end up with an appointment soon.

We have been asked by our boss to wait awhile longer to find out if we are getting a severance package. It is the difference between working two jobs in January and scratching by to come up with medication money this next year and freedom to work one job each and have breathing room.

We have also been asked to wait before we find other jobs while he tries to figure out if there is any way that he can possibly keep the company going. For some reason, we are not feeling like any of this is very fun to wait on. Spending a lot of time with a tummy ache right now.

I am trying to open another restaurant. I am putting together a proposal for a public building in town. I was supposed to know about the results by Christmas. I was now told that I have to wait till beginning of February.

Have I mentioned that I don't like not having answers? Do you think that maybe God is trying to teach me patience? Maybe? to trust him?

Hmmmmmmm................

Still don't like it though.