A break and a breather

No, I am not stopping my blog.  I am actually trying to write on here more!

The title is regarding the fact that at 6 am tomorrow, Husband and I will be on a plane to destinations far away.  Ok, just the states, but far enough! Husband has a work trip there and so I am going along.  Big Red is staying here and his parents are coming to take care of him.  That whole statement sounds funny, but in reality? That is what is happening.

I can't wait.

Can I state that loud enough?

I seriously? Can't wait.

We get 5 days to ourselves.

No kids.

No chores.

No cooking.

No laundry.

No snow.

No rules.

No teaching school.

No shuttling to practices and activities.

Nothing.

Just us.

I am smiling right now.

Can you tell?

What I have done? I have pre written a few posts about some organizing we have done around here lately.

Enjoy!

Alone in a restaurant

I am thinking the waitress is wondering about me.

I am sitting in a restaurant by myself working.

And eating.

And eating some more.

I have been here for an hour already and have gotten more done than I did in the previous 4 at home.

I am so distracted there.

There is laundry to be done.

There is a kid that needs help.

There is outside noise from construction that irritates me.

There are barking dogs.

I needed this.

I am thinking I will schedule 2 hours a day to work in a restaurant or coffee shop 3 days a week.

I understand this is expensive.

But so is not working.

The kid needs to learn to work on his own.

The phone can ring other hours of the day.

I needed this.

And my waitress who has kept my water filled non stop?

Will get an amazing tip.

Pinkberry

Can we take a pause right now to talk about my new favorite thing?

Seriously people.  Better than bacon.

My sanity.

My love.

This would be Pinkberry.

It is frozen yogurt.

Creamy.

Delicious.

Amazing.

My favorite?

The chocolate hazelnut.

And these?

Some of the toppings.

I smile just looking at these pictures.

You pick one of the flavours of yogurt

pick your toppings

pay

eat.

Enjoy.

Mmmmmmmm.........

P.S. I might be addicted

I change my underwear 2 times a day

and other oddities.

Like the really old picture? It makes me laugh.  I miss my glasses though!

I have struggled a lot over the years with my identity.  This sounds odd to the people that know me but to the people that are really close? Maybe not so.  I think I have figured it out though.  Where this issue came from.  I had a brain aneurysm when I was 18 and when I came out of it, I felt like everyone around me wanted me to be the same.  There were so many physical issues that had changed and it felt like people were clinging to the old me.  Yes things still changed, but I made a conscious effort to try to stay the same for my families sake.  I know my mom especially could not handle me changing too much.  Life was all chaotic and she needed the norm.  I would not be surprised if all my family felt that way but didn't realize.  

The problem with this situation? at 18, you start to change naturally! You develop different tastes in things, new hobbies and habits and you figure yourself out.  Do you remember the scene in Runaway Bride when Richard Gere makes her eat all those types of eggs so that she can actually figure out what she likes? I feel that way.  I have never shared this problem with anyone.  This year? Amongst all the chaos of my life? I have decided to try to figure me out.  And it has been entertaining.  I am finally admitting some of the oddities that are part of my daily life that I have tried to keep hidden from people.  So here we go.  I am about to admit a few of them to you.  Bare with me.  This is not easy.

• I actually do change my underwear 2 times a day.  In the morning and at night.
• I am an organized hoarder.  I pick an item.  Hoard it until it is ridiculous and then stop.  Pick another item and start the process again.  Items in the past have been mustard, socks, purses, cookbooks, icing sugar, toothbrushes and shampoos and conditioners.  Currently? Cases of bottled water.  These items don't make sense but this is something I do.
• I use Bic old school pens.  If one has a cap on it when I go to use it, I bend the cap three times, the place it on the top of the pen and line up the long piece with the words on the bottom of the pen.  If it is not lined up? I have a hard time using it.  I will straighten other peoples pens.
• When I enter a grocery store, I have to walk to the left first.  Even if I come in on the right hand side of the store.
• I need my office to be clean.  Not a paper out of place.  Yet I have most of my filing cabinet not even in alphabetical order because it annoys me to have things so organized.  This one makes Husband laugh.

This is all you get today.  This list is making me feel a little weird.  But? That is ok.  We all have our things.  I just actually started writing mine down!

Things I still want to find out about myself:

• my sense of style
• what music I like
• home decor.  This one I am finally figuring out.
• what makes me happy
• who I am as a friend, sister, wife
• and more other areas than you can imagine!

I will keep you updated on what I find out! Time to go eat some more eggs.....

Boots for butt kicking

Life these days has changed a lot.  Some good some bad.  

One issue we have? A 13 year old that does not know how to occupy himself and cannot let me repeat cannot get bored or the shit hits the fan.  I completely understand that part.  For some? When you are not busy, your brain starts going and the thoughts it thinks? Not safe.  Not happy.  Not healthy.  We get this is our house and so while we challenge him to occupy himself by giving him lots to do (practice guitar, school work, chores, etc) we have to help him out sometimes.  Let me just say that he is doing WAY better at this than 5 weeks ago.  Still not perfect though!

So? We play games.  Let me just note that Husband? Hates games.  This is a HUGE challenge to him.  To have to play games more than 3 times a year :) I personally? Don't always mind playing.

A few favorites that we play all the time?

MUCHKIN

This game? Hilarious.  The rules are ridiculous and the entire thing is a little inappropriate for anyone.  That being said? I would recommend it to anyone that like games with reading (lots of details on cards) or who wants to try a completely different game.  Is it silly? Yes.  Does it cause arguments? Yes.  But it is very fun and I am more than willing to let my 13 year old nephew enjoy it.  He is obsessed with it to be honest.  We have already bought 2 expansion packs!! I am thinking more in the future.  Poor Husband.

The other one that we are playing lots of right now is:

PANDEMIC

What can I say? Amazing game.  Husband and I cannot get enough of this one.  We have the expansion pack which is needed in our opinion.  This is a cooperative game so it is all the players against the game.  You work as a team and choose how hard you want to make it.  It makes you talk, think outside the box and the game is different each time you play it so it is always a challenge.  I would recommend this game to anyone and everyone we have played it with? Loves it.  And the graphics are beautiful.  Doesn't hurt to have a pretty game board to look at!

We play games daily these days.  And are always willing to try new ones.  Do you have any recommendations? Have you tried either of these?

I know it is Thanksgiving but I am not feeling very thankful this year and so I am not writing about it.  Maybe tomorrow.  Please pray for me.  I am having a hard day.

Dr's and pills

I walked into my doctors office today to have him look at me concerned and ask if he can help me get through these next 10 months.  Well, I guess we are down to 9 at this point.

I laughed.  He had phoned me to come in for my annual checkup! But yes.  If I look that rough, talk to me.  I have now promised to start going to counselling again within the next month and he sent me home with Ativan for my anxiety.

Today? I could use it.

Rage.  That is all I am feeling right now.  If you don't want to hear about my day? Stop reading now.  It is my blog and I can type what I want :)

6:45 am Woke up after a fitful night full of anxiety attacks and very little sleep.  Should have know at this point that this was going to be a rough day.  Got up in a good mood and ready to go!

7:30 Sat at Nissan with Husbands truck waiting to get a service done.  Yup.  There I sat.  With an obnoxious man telling me that kids these days should all be shot and they are all abnormal.  More parents should have abortions and what not.  Wow.  Just what I needed to hear.

10:00 Truck is done! Yeah.  Hope they fixed it properly! I then headed to the bank to find out hey had lost my paperwork for a personal deal and we have to wait longer for things now.

11:00 Arrive home in a rush.  Find out that the kid? Has done NOT A FREAKIN' THING! while I was gone.  He had a list to do so that we could leave with Husband this afternoon on a road trip for a treat.  Nothing is done.  I am now raging.  We have to leave right away to get to the doctors office.  He takes his sweet ass time doing everything.  I am now beyond mad.

11:15 Doctors appointments where he blames us for his health issues, won't look at the doctor, completely embarrasses me and makes me even more angry.

12:00-2:00 Spend doing running around that has to be done before we can go.  Keep in mind? I have more work to do right now than I have had in a long time.  I am stressed out and need a few days to work.  I was taking this break to breathe and see some new scenery as I have been so stressed out and anxious lately.  Big Red proceeds in pushing every last button! Complaining everywhere we go, being rude and ignorant and just making me wonder why I am even doing this!!!!!!!!

2:00 Arrive home.  We have one hour to get ready to go and get all our packing and laundry done.  Big Red refuses and then spends the rest of the afternoon ignoring me and not talking to me.

I feel like I spent all day doing everyone elses wishes and work and am now even more stressed out.  I feel like I need to head to a hotel for a day or so to get away and get some work done.  I am so beyond exhausted right now it is not even funny!



Question of the Day: Do we still go and make him come anyways because if I am home alone with him this week I might harm him? (don't worry.  I know my limits and would walk away first)

Or do I just stay home with him, take my pills and fight with him for the next two days alone.  He will be raging mad that we didn't go and take it out on me.

Husband just got home and I am letting him deal with it.  I have work to do! And maybe packing to get done?

Some days I just want to curl up and cry.

Today is one of them.