192 lbs BABY!!!

That is right.

I am down a whole heck of a lot.

I am feeling good.

I found a collar bone the other day.

That was incredible!

So, I eat normal for the next two days.  On Saturday, I eat the diet but without the spray.  Same on Sunday.  Then on Monday? I GET TO EAT!!! I am still not allowed sugars and starches, but that is minor.  I get to add back fats and dairy.  I am now dreaming of yummy food! So, what kinds of foods do I crave when I am doing this?

I want Nachos-which is funny because I maybe eat them once a year!

I want quinoa salad- quinoa, corn, black beans, cilantro, avocado, red onion, lime juice.  I make a huge bowl and leave it in the fridge for the week.  I add dressing as per my mood per meal.  This replaces all starches for me.  Quinoa is the biggest form of protein you can eat.  It is insanely healthy and is so good for you.  It is a seed so you can eat it even if you are gluten free or having issues with diets and such.

I want a hamburger-this does not shock me.  I love hamburgers.  I might eat it without fries.  Probably not.

I want fruit crisp with ice cream.

I want a fried egg.

I want cheese.

I want a sandwich.  Loaded with cheese and meat and banana peppers and grilled.  With a pickle on the side.

I want a coconut mocha latte.  Have you had one yet? Starbucks has the new frappaccino.  I like it with half the mocha, double the coconut and done as a hot latte.  Amazing.

I want pasta salad.  With all kinds of goodies.

I want a huge taco salad.  Tortilla chips, chicken, tomatoes, cilantro, mushrooms, black beans, corn, cheese, sour cream and salsa and some taco seasoning.


These are the things that fill my brain when I think about eating again.

I can eat some of these things in the next three weeks, others have to wait till I am done this big weight thing.  I am okay with that.  I realized today that I am down 27.8 lbs.  That is nuts! I figure I have a few more to go.  Okay, so the truth is that I probably have 45-50 pounds to go.  I am okay with that.  I have already lost so much that it actually feels like I can do it! It is funny though.  I still look in the mirror and see the same fat girl as before.  My next goal is to be under 190.  That would be amazing.  I should be there by the end of the week I hope! My next goal after that? To be under 187.  About 8 years ago, I was trying to lose weight.  I did.  Don't get me wrong.  I lost 71 lbs.  I got to 187 and plateaued.  I worked so hard to get past it and nothing.  I then gained back up to 200 and sat between there and 220 for the last 8 years.  So this is a big one.  Husband is really excited about it too.  He knows how hard I have tried to get there and it is finally happening again.  And in a healthy way.  Last time it was not all healthy.  I was not eating well, 200-500 calories a day and working out three hours a day.  I started that once I hit the plateau.  This will be good.

I have to go to a wedding in 10 days.  I am not sure what I am going to wear! I will have to go through my closet and find something cute.  Or maybe I will go shopping??? We will see.  It is a fairly informal wedding.  I will decide while packing on Sunday.  I have to head to one of the stores to do some training.  I think it will be good.  I will be working during the day and hanging out with friends at night.  Perfect days.  Will miss my Husband though.  I will be gone for a whole week.  Poor guy.  Home alone.

I should go.  In this last week though, I made cheese.  I promise to post about it soon.  I took pictures of the whole process so that you can all see what it is like.  Once it is somewhat cured and in the cheese cave, I will post everything.

Oh, and an update from yesterday? The call was definitely better than I thought.  And today? I have had no pain yet.  Things are looking up!!!

Pray

Can you pray for me?

If you happen to read this between now and 4 pm, I have to have an insanely difficult conversation with someone today.

Please pray for strength, clarity of mind and that God would guard my words.



Thanks.

Pain

Have you ever had pain that made you writhe?

That made you mentally messed up?

That made you not able to even talk normally?

Have you ever had pain that made you sob from the depths of your being?

So hard that it hurts?

That was me today.

I am still in pain from my IUD and biopsy and am now in even more pain.

I started getting cramps this morning.

Wow.

I did not know that there were places in my body that could still hurt!

So, in my fit of despair and my mental breakdown?

I ate a burger.

And fries.

And loved every minute of it.

It got rid of my cramps for 3 whole hours and was worth every stinkin' bite.

How bad is that.

I don't care if I gain weight from it or if it kills the whole diet.

It made me happy.

And today?

I needed that.

So, tomorrow?

I am back on the bandwagon.

Eating the way I am supposed to.

It will be a better day.

And I will deal with the pain.

All of it.

196 lbs

I want food.

I want a plate of veggies and rice and cheese.

Weird craving.

I know.

I am wanting food so bad today.

It is not that I am not eating, just that I am not eating what I want.

I also want to lose weight too.

I think I have figured out how to go to my cousins wedding and Husbands family reunion this summer and not have to worry about food.

And how to keep my sanity.

Instead of doing 6 weeks now, I am going to do three.

Then, I will set my metabolism for two weeks and then eat normal for one.

I will then start this again.

This means that I am able to eat, still limited, at both functions without making a big deal out of it.

I hope that it does not slow down my process.

I also want to start exercising again.

I am going to go get a one month pass to pool by my house.

I want to build some muscle and not just end up weak and flabby when this is done.

At the rate that I am losing, I could be done losing weight as early as end of August.

How crazy would that be?????

That is to a reasonable weight.

My goal?

145 lbs.

I think that will be a good size for me.

I might go smaller, but I will see how I feel at that point.

Now that I have a number, it feels good.

And who knows!

I might be done before that.

Time for bed.

Still hurting fairly bad.

Not a constant pain though like the last 3 days.

Hurts like hell while it hurts, but has taken the odd break today.

Night world!!!

June 6-15

Wow.

Life kinda takes you places you don't plan on sometimes, doesn't it?

My last 9 days.

• Headaches.  5 days of splitting insane headaches that made me puke.  Could hardly move.  Didn't sleep.  Didn't function.  Hardest 5 days.....
• Diet.  Managed to actually do it.  Managed to lose more weight! I gained on my trip and gained during the gorge phase but have lost all that and more.  I am now at 197.8 lbs and feeling amazing.  Weight wise.  And somehow have managed to not cheat once in all this health stuff.
• Monday.  Had a gyno appointment I have been waiting months for.  Long story short
• I have PCOS
• My periods are insane
• My periods almost kill me every month
• I can't have kids
• I want an ablation
• Had the appointment.  Have irregular periods.  PCOS + irregular periods is high risk for cancer.
• Doctor did a biopsy while doing the pap smear.
• Hurt like hell
• Screamed
• Cried
• Emotional trauma in a major way
• Went back the next day as he decided to put in Mirena.  An IUD.  Had to do it the next day or wait 8 weeks.
• Can't deal with my period any more
• Had it put in
• Hurt like hell.
• Repeat of day one just worse.
• Feeling insane pain now.

So, needless to say? Have watched a lot of TV, have been having many hot baths, and have not left my bedroom in days.  I suck.  I am in so much pain it is insane.  It is like insane cramps but all through my back and my stomach.  Full around not pleasant.  Husband has rocked though.  He brought me dinner in bed tonight and has had a lot of pity for me.  He was there for the procedure yesterday.  Was not happy about it.

But? I will be OK.  The pain will go away.  I will feel better soon.  I am still working and getting stuff done.  I am still doing a little every day.  I am a useless person most of the time, but I am still trying.

Please pray that the pain would go away.  My body will not accept pain killers.  No amount will take the edge off.  It sucks but what do I do.  Please pray.

June 4

My day today.

 This would be the backside of husband and the roommates.  We woke up early and headed down town to the farmers market.  I love it there! It was freakin cold today though so we rushed through it and didn't spend a lot of time just relaxing and enjoying it.  We started with a stop at the Blue Plate Diner for breakfast and then went from there.

The down town farmers market started in 1907.  It is an amazing street with a really cool mix of old brick buildings and new glass ones.  The trees are amazing there with lots of character.  They block the street on Saturday mornings and you can just wander for about 4 blocks.  It is my favorite of the farmers markets here.

It's me!

We came home with Lebeneh (yogurt cheese...my fave!), cucumbers, eggs and some rhubarb.

When we got home to our warm house, I started baking.  I made Chocolate Nutella cookies from www.twopeasandtheirpod.com

Bought some flowers to cheer myself up!

And made a yummy strawberry rhubarb crisp.  A little too much sugar but is so yummy.  Now I am going to go watch some MASH.  I might even have a nap!

June 3

This is the center piece of our dining room.  This wall has close to 150 games on it.  It may sound insane, but I love it! I own maybe 50 of them.  Our roommate is a game designer and loves games.  This week, we have had three games nights.  I love them! It is nice to have a gamer in the house.  In this photo, some of my favorites are Pandemic, Carcassone, Dominion, On the Brink (yes there are two copies) and Catan.  Notice the puzzles in the middle? Funny story.  The Windsor box has a puzzle in it.  It is not of the house on the outside though.  It was a gift from my aunt.  She got it at a thrift store and went to do it, found a picture of a 1950's playboy playmate of the month girl.  It is so funny.  The only dirty thing is her nipples are showing.  It is the funniest thing though.  I love it.  It is my little secret puzzle on my pretty little shelf.  And now you all know this!

Do you play games? What are your favorites?

June 2

Grandma

Aunt

Grandpa and Aunt

I spent time with these folks a lot when in the 'hoof.  This in in my grandparents house.  Forgive the quality.  They would not let me take pictures with a camera so I was sneaking them on my phone without their knowledge!

June 1

Do I even need to write a caption for this? The first time in my life I have loved doing dishes was when these bushes were blooming in my yard this last week.  It is a double flowering plum.  They are only decorative and once they are done blooming, they are just leaves.  They are stunning though.  In our back yard, we have 4 of these bushes.  They are all about 8 feet high and probably the same around.  They are amazing.  The flowers cover the branches from the base out so they just look like giant balls of pink flowers.  They are on my list one day for a yard that I own.  I wish they would flower all year!

Bones, cancer, diets and rain

I am the world's worst blogger.

My goal this next month is to post more pictures.

Of my life, my family, my loves.

I will start that tomorrow.  I have to use my other computer to do that.

So, my week in the hoof.  I stayed at my grandparents house.  It was nice.  There was a lot of family drama and a lot of stress.  At this point? Not sure when I will go back.  My grandpa has cancer.  It is for sure.  They are not sure if it is prostrate cancer, but he has it all through his whole body in his bones.  His joints, his skull, his hips, his back.  It is everywhere.  It is hard to see.  He is getting really sore.  Most of my family are in denial.  I do believe that God can heal him, but at the same time? He is 81 years old.

In other news, because I am sick of writing about my grandpa, I am still down most of my weight! I gained two pounds in the hoof and that is OK.  I ate pasta today for the first time in 6 weeks.  I am curious if I gained weight.  I am thinking I might just have to go gluten free in order to keep the weight off.  That would suck.  I have done it before and I will do it again.  I have three weeks now of slowly adding food back into my diet to see if I gain weight from them.  Then I start this whole thing again! The whole three months.  I am hoping that I lose at least 30 lbs in the next session.  I have to go to a family reunion with Husbands family August long weekend and I would love to shock them with my skinny size! At that point, I should be in the last few days of my next section of this whole thing.  I could potentially be quite small! Last time any of them saw me, I was about 220 lbs.  I could be 170lbs when I see them! They are really big on size and treat you based on that.  Funny thing those people.  I can't wait to see their faces.

And in other news? Husband quit his job and is starting a new one on Monday.  I am so happy for him.  He was lied to at the last job.  They told him A and B happened.  It was too much and was making us both so unhappy and so he found a new one! This one will be even better.  Not year round and no company truck, but it should be OK.  We will make it work.

We are heading to breakfast tomorrow morning and then to the farmers market.  I am so excited to go on a hot date with him.  I love my Husband.  He is amazing.  I just love to hang out with him.  I am hoping I can convince him to go to two farmers markets tomorrow! I want to wander the one, but buy certain things at the other! Maybe.  We will see.  I will have to bribe him with something to get him to say yes I am thinking.  Hmmmmm..... we will see!

My new goal? One picture on here a day.  One picture about my day.  I am hoping to get a good one of the markets tomorrow!!!

Goodnight~