Back to life, back to reality

Wow.  A lot has happened in the last week!

A quick run down and I will return later with a more detailed post including a really embarrassing thing that happened to me in Vancouver!

• My dad broke his neck
• They went in through the front of his neck and did surgery.
• They removed 2 vertebra and used some of that bone, some rods and a plate to fuse it all back together.
• He came out of it fine and started recovery.
• Complications started.  Heart rate, blood pressure, temperature all through the roof.
• Found 2 infection sites. 
• He is now on antibiotics and is improving.  He is really crazy weak, but doing good.  Spirits are coming back.
• As of now? He is having a hard time swallowing and eating so they won't let him go home but should be out soon.

I spent 4 and a bit days in Vancouver with him.  Seeing him? Awesome! Hanging with my sister? Great! His new wife? So.  How's the weather? We won't talk about that.  Needless to say? I didn't stay as long as I wanted due to some family issues.  This year is going to be hard if it keeps going like this.

But! I painted!!!! And embarrassed myself and saw the most amazing night sky and I will share all of that with you later.  I am doing good.  I am feeling rather tired and worn out but that is life.  I will be ok.

There was the quick run down! More later.....

Hospitals.... I am sick of them!

I don't even know how to write this.

My dad broke his neck.  Yes he did.  He is being rushed to Vancouver to have neck surgery on Thursday.

Can I just say WTF!!! Between this and my grandpa I am starting to wonder.  Who is next? Does it really come in 3's? I just want to get in my car and go there and see everyone.  Be a support.  But I can't.  And I know that.  I am furious with Husband for saying that I can't (he knows it is not mentally healthy and that I am just falling back into my old patterns) but know that he is right.  Still makes me mad though.

I have spent the last 12 years of my life as a care giver.  I have a kind hear and just want to fix it for everyone.  I think though that people take advantage of me because of it.  It also stops people from stepping up to the plate and figuring it out.  It is really easy to just wait for me to do it.  I am not doing myself or anyone else any favours though and so here I sit.  Far away.  And going crazy :(  I know that I need this boundary in my life.  It does not mean that I would not go if they asked.  But that is different than just going and doing.  Does this make any sense?

So I will focus on my business and my house and I will just let them figure it out.  I will be here for everyone and will go down for when I was supposed to but for now? I am here.  And I am going to paint my house.  I have decided that my bedroom and my wall in the living room will be painted by the end of the weekend.   I am going to go buy tape tomorrow and I am going to start taping.  I am sure that Husband will not be happy  but I need to do it.  I just need to.  He will survive.  He is now home tomorrow night so maybe he will help???

I need to head to bed.  I have not had more than 4 hours of sleep a night since Sunday.  Yuck.


Goodnight world.

And can you please pray for my dad that there are no complications with surgery and that he heals fast?




Thanks.

Oh Grandpa....

I am doing better today.  I took the weekend to deal with some crap and now I am feeling better.

Not sure what I am talking about? My grandpa (the one whom I love dearly) is dying.  Wow.  That is hard to type.  He has cancer.  We knew this last year but it has progressed to the point where he will not be here much longer.  Last I heart they are hoping he will make it to Christmas.  I am almost more worried about my grandma.  She is quite sick with heart problems and is very fragile.  I am afraid that watching her husband die is going to be too much for her.

What I love and will miss about him?

• he is feisty.  Even at 82.  
• he loves to argue with me
• he truly loves people...most people
• he has supported us grandkids unconditionally our entire lives
• he loves my grandma
• his crazy hair that sticks out everywhere
• his odd habit of eating creamy cucumber dressing off his plate with his fork
• his ugly drinking glass and the lecture I get on drinking water every time he uses it
• his smile
• his laugh
• his ill fitting jogging pants he wears all the time
• his big hands
• his brain.  He still quotes poems from his childhood
• his eyes.  They sparkle when he argues
• his faith

Most of his family.  He has 5 daughters, 3 sons in law, 11 grandkids and 10 great grandkids.

He is a pretty cool guy.  I am heading down there to see him and grandma in a few weeks for their 60th anniversary and I am going to try to get back there again in August.  I might make monthly visits this year.  I will make the time for it.  I will bite my tongue when it comes to family drama and I will just be there.

Pathetic but cute

Isn't she adorable? She was sleeping in the sun like this.  Too funny.

I am about to whine.  Leave now or forever hold your peace.

I am sick of this year.  Seriously sick of it.  

21 Things that Suck this Year

1. I turned 32.
2. I got sick.  Oh did I ever.  It never really left I don't think.  Still drained.
3. Gained some weight back.
4. Dad got married and that whole relationship took a shit kicking.
5. Missed mom more than ever.
6. Husband changed jobs again.
7. Got sick again.
8. Had surgery for my lady bits and it is not working
9. Moved.
10. Got sick again.  Notice a pattern?
11. Realized that life will never be the same.
12. Moved to a neighbourhood with no greenery or plants because it is so new.
13. Realized that my only vacation this year with Husband was to my dads wedding.  Yeah.
14. Figured out I am physically weaker than I like.
15. Realized that I have no real sense of style.  Help!
16. Can't find a church that makes me feel at all comfortable.
17. Lonely.
18. Husband has been gone so much this year.  Feel like I have hardly seen him.
19. Cut our cable.  I miss the Kardashians and Survivor some days.  Actually it is the food shows I miss.
20. Found out I have to face horrible people on July 8th and have no say in the matter without hurting a lot of other people.
21. Got sick again.

This year has been hard.  I will not lie.  It feels like the emotional is trying to kill me one day at a time and I am barely hanging on and then the physical just won't let up.  I was finally doing good and started working out and getting in shape and now something is wrong again and the doctor is doing tests.  I am having odd shooting pains in my right side and yet the left is so tender that when the doctor pushed on it I just about jumped off the table.  Seriously? It hurts to laugh, cough, move, use my stomach muscles at all.  It is insane! I think even Husband is starting to wonder about me.  Feeling rather defeated these days again.  WTF!!!! I just want to feel good and have energy and be happy.  I am working on it.  I will admit though that with all the negative that is following me this year, there have been some good things.

Let me see if I can come up with 22 of those to beat the previous list!

22 Things that Rock this Year

1. I turned 32.  The older I get the more respect I get with work.  I like this.
2. I didn't die from all the sickness and didn't get Husband sick once!
3. Only gained back 8lbs and considering what I have lost? No biggie.  I will lose it again.
4. Moved into our own place that we are not having to pay rent on!
5. Realized that I just have to create a new family and life for myself
6. Started working out again
7. Am eating healthier than I ever have
8. Am working on the style and have taken makeup lessons.  Also got gel nails and realized how happy they make me!
9. Husband is now in a Monday - Friday job for the first time in our marriage!
10. We will get to go to a ton of festivals this summer because we will have time.
11. I don't have to watch commercials without cable!
12. Made plans to see amazing people for the two days after the horrible ones to boost me back up and bring me out of the impending doom of moods that is likely to strike that weekend
13. I am allowed to paint because I own my house :)
14. Have started making really yummy food at home again.
15. Found a new favorite little restaurant.
16. Creating some amazing work relationships that I am super excited about.
17. Found an amazing business coach who is changing my life.
18. Am on a path to success and freedom and I am so excited to see where I am at in 3 years.
19. Working on a huge debt repayment plan that is making me feel good.
20. Liking my job more and more these days.
21. Found a new friend through this blog.  Maybe I will just have to scrap the couples trip and meet her somewhere! You up for that Jibber???

At the end of the day? I will survive.  I always do.  Just having a rough few months.  Can it all be over soon? Please? Pretty please????

Distractions

• cute boys building a house next door
• laundry
• phone
• tv
• unhappy dog post surgery that just wants to cuddle
• tired
• books
• cooking something fabulous for lunch (steel cut oats, brown sugar, banana, blueberries, raspberries)
• planning my weekend
• tv
• boys outside hammering off the moulds from pouring the foundation behind us
• noise from boys
• sore muscles from yesterday
• worried about pain in my right side that won't stop.  Waiting on test results.
• Husband coming home tonight
• work
• tv
• should bake muffins
• should clean out my fridge
• should organize something
• should do my hair and makeup and take off the hat
• should fold that laundry and put it away
• busy day of meetings and magazine launch tomorrow
• what should I wear?
• how will I do my hair?
• Cloudy and gross outside
• tv
• couch is comfy to my sore muscles
• dog keeps rubbing her stitches on my arm.  Gross.
• wanna go visit my cousin.  I should just do that one of these days.
• need to water plants
• should pick out a paint color one of these days
• it is raining now
• have to be somewhere in 3 hours

This is my brain today! I have gotten some stuff done and yet not enough! Nothing pressing so I am not forced to do anything.  Going to watch a friend dance tonight.  Can't wait.  I love dancing.  Headache from all the noise next door.  This is going to be a long summer!

Screen saver right now?

I want a garden!!!

Do you ever have days like this? Weeks? Months? Years? I seem to! I could make the biggest list of stuff to get done and will get it done, but not when I should! I will leave it all to the last minute.  I think I just like having busy days.  I would rather put all my work into 2 or 3 insane days a week and run like mad then have it all spread out.  Drives me insane yet at the same time? That is just how I work! I got my list done of stuff for this week yesterday and so today is just a blah day.  I have a list for tomorrow but in typical me fashion? Won't do it until then.  And maybe the rest on the weekend if I want to.  Husband is coming home tonight instead of tomorrow which will be nice.  I can't wait! I like him home.  I really do.  He is in a course all weekend though so I will not see him much.  I am thinking I need a project for this weekend.  Something to keep me super busy and to make me feel productive.  Something that is not work though.  I will have to come up with a few ideas.  I would like to makes lists of all the main things in my freezer so that I can just glance at it and see what we have.  I have done this in the past and it helps.  Especially now that it is in the garage.  I hate going out there to look! How lazy am I!

I am doing pretty good with the exercise and eating this week.  I found that my new wraps I am making make me feel good all day! I am quite full from them and the flavours are enough to keep me happy.  They are also really easy to change up so that it feels different every day.  I did a TRX class again yesterday and hurt myself! I am also having some tummy issues.  The doctor is not sure what is going on but he is sending me for tests.  Until then? I am not allowed to work out.  That sucks.  I was doing so good! I actually really like the class.  I hurt so bad after but I think it is working! I want to get to the point where I am doing it three times a week and then see how fast things change.  I just want to be strong again.  I hate feeling weak all the time.

I need to go get ready for the day.  Husband will appreciate it if I am not wearing a hat when he comes home! We have a deal.  He will tell me how beautiful I look if I put in some effort! It works quite well for me.  I always feel better if I have tried a little :)

Quote from my wall of the day:

"Risk more than others think is safe

Care more than others think is wise

Dream more that others think is practical

Expect more than others think is possible"

Sleepiness

is escaping me tonight.  I am just awake.  Tired as all get out but can't sleep.

I think I will try again soon.

I did find my most amazing favorite dinner in the world tonight!

An ancient grains wrap, a little spread of asiago chipotle sauce, mustard, sprouts, chicken, banana peppers, lettuce and a little cheese.  Oh, and some avocado.

Amazing.  Absolutely amazing.  And super healthy! I had that and a cup of blueberries and a few pretzel crackers.  Nothing huge and crazy but it felt so good to have.

We ended up having company again this weekend.  It was awesome.  And exhausting.  We love the couple that came and they drove 10 hours total to spend a day with us.  Insane! We enjoy them so much but with Husband having been gone all week and leaving again this week, we kinda needed a weekend to ourselves.  We will get there one of these weekends! Not the next one, but maybe after that?

I need to get my nails filled.  Bad.  They look awful.  I should just get them filed off.  Would save me a lot of money.  Have only had them for a month! And I love them.  I will have to think about it.

I have done good sticking to my grocery budget.  I am actually proud of myself! I have not had to budget like this in so long and it is kinda hard some days to not buy for the insane reason that I just want it.  I think I will stick to it for awhile.  It is healthier for us.

I gained 8 lbs.  I have finally put it out there for everyone to read.  I did.  I am kinda not ok with it.  Kinda mad that I gained the weight and now I have more to lose.  Stress will do it to you though!  I have a group of friends though that are all losing weight like crazy right now so they are a huge support for me.  I just have to start the actual healthy eating and exercising thing.

I have a busy week this week.  Paige (our dog) is at the vet tomorrow all day, Husband has his medicine morning at the hospital, meetings and TRX on Tuesday, all day meeting Wednesday, 3 meetings and TRX on Thursday, and Friday there is something but am not sure.  Will go fast though hopefully!

I picked out 5 colours for our accent wall in our dining room this weekend.  I have now painted stripes in three different spots as we try to figure out what color to paint.  I have been informed that I am not allowed to paint until Husband is home for a weekend and can help me finish it.  He does not want to just come home to edging.  And the colours are dark grays so I am not really trusting myself to do the little stuff.  We are also on the hunt for shelving for our fun dishes, and bedside tables.  We also want a huge amazing wall decal for the accent wall.  We will see.  I want it done last month already and Husband is telling me to breathe.  It is working well, can't you tell?????

It rained here today.  Hard.  Harder than I have ever seen.  It was amazing.

I think I have random spewed enough for tonight.

Hope everyone else is busy sleeping!!!

Friday 5

I have done this once or twice and decided to do it again today!

1. Husband was supposed to be home by 5pm.  He will be home at 1 am.  Not too happy about that.

2.  Found out today our dog has a benign cancer growth on her forehead.  Getting it removed on       Monday.  Kinda made me sad! But she is ok.  She is not happy with me though as she had to get a needle or 4 today and is having surgery on Monday.  She can tell.  Poor thing.  And no I am not one of those crazy dog people that will pay thousands for this! It is cheap.  Or I would not do it. I love her to bits, but she is a dog.

3.  It has been cold and rainy and nasty all day today.  I am doing ok emotionally and I shaved my legs.  I am sure that this all helped out with the mental thing! 

4.  I picked up 5 shades of Grey at the paint store today and am planning on sampling them on a very large wall connecting our dining room and living room tomorrow.  We are then going to live with them for a few days and I am planning on painting next week!

5.  I am craving a morning read in the Muttart amongst the flowers more than you can imagine.  Not sure why I haven't done it! I will have to schedule it in for next week.  I love that place.

Oh to have natural hair again...

Over the years I think I have had every cut/color/style of hair possible! Some good, some amazing and some quite horrendous to be honest.

I went gray very young.  From stress in my early 20's to be honest.  I have paid to have my hair dyed every 3-4 weeks since.  I don't even want to know what I have paid to have my gray hair taken away! Ok, so it has probably been in the $15000 range.  Husband, did you read that? Insane, right? Not that I figured that out I kinda want to vomit.  Oh a happier note, my lovely Husband has been bugging me for forever to just let it be natural.  I have fought this.  Hard.  I mean, I am 32! I don't want gray hair!!!

But? I have decided to just do it.  I am not just letting it grow as it will look awful for the next year or so and drive me crazy, but I am working with my hair dresser to get it back to natural.  She dyed it this last week to strip the red that it had in it and to get it as close to the natural black that we think it will be.  My hair is (as far as we can tell) an odd mix of black, ash gray and white.  Shiny sparkly white.  So, we are going dark now, then as it grows out, we are going to streak the regrowth with the dyed color until it is completely done growing out and then we will be done! Then it can just do its thing and be natural.

For comparison sake, here was my hair last week:

Quite red.

And now:

Quite dark.  And straight.

I am very curious to see what happens! I am thinking I will do monthly update pictures on the progress.  At the end of the day? If I hate it? I will just go back to dying it again! Or so I say.  We will see.  Now that I know that number up top? I cringe to think about paying for hair dye for that much longer.  And yes.  I have tried box dies.  Kicks the crap out of my hair.  Makes it dry and brittle and my hair does not hold the color at all.  I have tried many different kinds.  It was bad enough? Husband told me to find a hairdresser to color it again.

Some other looks over the years:

Wow.  A little bit of everything!

sleep...or the lack of

My  brain won't shut down.

I can't stop thinking.

Yes, Husband, I took the spray.

My brain is just more powerful.

Family.

Friends.

Work.

Husband is leaving for a work for a few days.

I miss him already.

Money.

Faith.

Company.

Food.

Husband is leaving.  Have I mentioned that?

Family.

Drama.

Anger.

Frustrations.

Not wanting to even see them this summer.

Travelling.

Where to next?

For how long?

Budget?

Can we pull it off?

Meal planning.

Healthiness.

Exercise.

Should I go to TRX in the morning?

I still have funny pains from that.

I should still go.

But it exhausts me for the entire day.

I have work I need to do.

Really bad.

No motivation.

Reading "Good to Great"

Recommend if you have a corporation.

Otherwise? Not so much.

Plants.

I have kept them alive!

Happier in this house.

Paint.

Colours.

What and where?

Plan to paint this weekend.

Have to pick a color in the living area.

Stressing me out for some reason.

I want to paint my room first.

Husband doesn't want to.

Want his help.

Won't paint room this weekend.

Want a pretty and calm color.

Want something funky.

Want to not have to decide!

Brain won't shut down.

I think I will go read.

Thai Coconut Curry Shrimp

Recipe Review:

Blog: Skinnytaste

Photo also taken from her blog

Ingredients:  

• 1 tsp oil
• 4 scallions, whites and greens separated, chopped
• 1 tbsp Thai red curry paste
• 2 cloves garlic, minced
• 1 lb shrimp, peeled and deveined
• 6 oz light coconut milk
• 2 tsp fish sauce
• 1/4 cup fresh cilantro, chopped
• salt to taste

Directions: 

In a large nonstick skillet, heat oil on medium-high. Add scallion whites and red curry paste and sauté one minute. Add shrimp and garlic, season with salt and cookabout 2-3 minutes. Add coconut milk, fish sauce and mix well. Simmer about 2-3 minutes, until shrimp is cooked through. Remove from heat, mix in scallion greens and cilantro. Serve over rice and enjoy!






Anyone who knows me knows that I hate all things fishy and seafood based.  Can't stand the stuff. 


I made this for dinner last night.


Yup.


I did.


It was amazing.  I am trying with shrimp first and seeing if I can't finally start to stomach this crap I mean food.  It will make Husband quite happy I think if I can finally order something other than chicken or beef or pork on any given menu! And I really want to try fish tacos.  I am not sure why but I really want to.  I found this recipe on tastespotting and thought why not! Let's try it and I was pleasantly surprised.  I was not good with timing and so I overcooked it but the taste was awesome and I will make this again.  Thank you skinny taste for this recipe! You might make a seafood lover/liker out of me yet! Go check out the websites.  There are awesome recipes!

High Maintenance Spouses

Have an of you read the quote in People magazine from a certain someone?

"When I need my wife or when I need companionship or someone to talk to, I need it, like, now. So my wife will have to give up whatever she's doing at that moment to tend to my needs. And in the same way, I would tend to hers. That's not such an easy thing to do."

Is this for real? This is just cause for a divorce.  This person has been divorced a few times already.  Makes you want to marry him, right?

Wrong.  I like to think that I am not a high maintenance wife.  I have needs like anyone else, but I am pretty easy going.

I need:

• time
• words of affirmation a lot.  A lot a lot.
• time
• dates once in awhile
• hugs and cuddles

And that is about all.  I don't demand jewellery, or clothes or expect him to do everything.  I am a capable woman who an take out the trash, mow the lawn or go for my own oil change.  I can cook a nice meal, do my own laundry and take care of myself.  Do I love when he makes me coffee or gets me a drink? Of course.  But not to that degree.  Can you imagine just demanding your spouse to jump and run and actually having them do that? I would lose respect for them fairly quick.

Huh.  Just a random thought for a Friday afternoon.

How demanding and high maintenance are you? What do you expect from your spouse?