Seriously?!?!?!?!?!?!?

"PCOS symptoms tend to start gradually and often start in the early teens.
Frequently PCOS symptoms are mistaken for other medical problems.
With poly cystic ovary syndrome you may have only a few symptoms or many symptoms.
The symptoms of PCOS include, but are not limited to the following:"

• irregular or no menstrual periods
  acne
  obesity/weight gain/inability to lose weight
  breathing problems while sleeping
  depression
  oily skin
  infertility
  skin discolorations
  high cholesterol levels
  elevated blood pressure
  excess or abnormal hair growth and distribution
  pain in the lower abdomen and pelvis
  multiple ovarian cysts
  skin tags

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME!!!!! SERIOUSLY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Yes. This is me. I have been going to a lot of doctors appointments in the last couple months. I have been feeling off and it is annoying the hell out of me. I have always talked to my doctors about things and they always just go "oh....no big deal.....it must just be complications from your brain aneurysm". Funny thing. If you lie to the doctor and only tell them what you care to, they take you A LITTLE MORE SERIOUSLY!!! They send you for ridiculously large amounts of tests. They tell you that you have problems. They tell you you need to go for more tests. They tell you that you probably have cysts on your ovaries. They tell you that you might be diabetic. They tell you that you are fat yet need to lose a lot of weight but you have the 99% chance of having this lovely syndrome that makes it impossible to lose weight. They apologize to you and tell you that with the levels of hormones that you have in your body that there is a chance that you will need a hysterectomy. They tell you that you need a lot of testing, but oh yeah! You have to wait till the middle of January to have them done! Seriously? Are you freaking kidding me? I hate this. I am so sick of this. I am sick of having problems. I am sick of having health problems. I JUST WANT TO BE HEALTHY! I WANT TO BE NORMAL! I DON'T WANT TO BE A HIGH MAINTENANCE FRIEND THAT ALWAYS HAS PROBLEMS!

Things to be thankful for:

• answers. I will finally know why I cannot lose weight, why I am suddenly having acne problems, etc...
• answers
• answers
• answers

Funny thing. There is always something to be thankful for.

So, why do I not feel thankful?

Christmas Lights

Husband rocks.

He put up the Christmas lights while I was out getting my hair cut.

He rocks.

He claims that we are putting up more tomorrow.

I can't wait.

I wish I could have a million lights.

It is not going to happen.

Husband will not let me.

He thinks it is ridiculous.

He will also only put up all burning, straight lines, matching colors.

He is really picky.

I love him.

He puts up lights.

Do you put up lights? What colors? Do they all match? Are they all different? What designs?

A few favorite photos and things

Me standing on the boardwalk in Alicante, Spain. It was amazing. I love the ocean!

My husband. Need I say more? (isn't he so cute?)

Zoo's. I do not know why, but I love looking at animals.

Well made food. A black forest cake made a la Dawn!

My adorable puppy that likes to sleep like this in someones arms. She is so funny!

The beach at Treasure Cay in the Bahamas. Could it be any more beautiful?

The Grand Canyon. It is amazing! and oh so grand.....

Cirque de Soleil shows in Las Vegas. I have seen 4 of them and two of those twice! They are amazing.

The huge lilies in my flower bed.

I was looking through some of my photos tonight and was laughing at some, smiling at some, crying at some and decided to share some of them with you! Enjoy!

Husbands

For those of you that don't know.....I have been with my husband forever.

Yup.

Forever.

I kid....I kid.....

Husband and I started dating on April 5th 1996. A long time ago. He was sitting in front of me in Ms. Lee's social studies class. He asked to copy my homework and on the top of the paper, he wrote "will you go out with me"

Yes. I am a moron and still have the paper. I still smile when I see it. I said maybe as you can see. He was not very happy but I phoned him the next day at 3:14 pm and said yes. Yes I looked at the clock at that exact time to check. I am a geek like that. I did not know what I was doing. I was a good girl. He was the bad boy sport/jock. They guys that sat at the picnic tables and laughed at everyone and that everyone wanted to be with. I was terrified.

It was the best decision that I have ever made. There were good things and bad things but overall it was amazing. I dealt with sexual abuse, eating disorders, attempted suicide, family drama and a brain aneurysm in the time that we dated. Yup. A few little things. The poor boy! We then dealt with me going to bible school for a semester and him going to Katimavik for 9.5 months. That was nuts. I didn't know that you could really miss someone like that.

Husband asked my dad for my hand in marriage and he said yes. 11 days after he came home from Katimavik, he proposed with a beautiful ring and I said yes. He proposed at Ferry Island in Terrace, at 10:20 pm. It was amazing. He asked me and I said "maybe". He jumped up and went "what?!?!?!?!" and I laughed and kissed him and said yes.

I phone my mom. She didn't believe me. It was hilarious.

I will continue this another day. This is the start of our relationship. It has been amazing and rocky and a lot of fun.

I love my life.

I love my marriage.

To be continued.......

No title

Do you ever get annoyed at trying to figure out a title? I do. OK OK.....rant over.





If you don't want to hear how good I am doing....do not keep reading. If you want to feel depressed? Read in September.






















I am sitting on my couch, writing on my blog, sipping hazelnut hot chocolate and cuddling my puppy. All the lights are off except those from my Christmas tree. It is beautiful in here. I love it. I love my home.

I went to the psycologist today. I have been going weekly for the last few months. It has been amazing. I don't know if it has been so good for me because I am so stinkin' stubborn and was demanding a change in my life or if she is really that good, but I am doing good.

It was funny. She was asking how the last week has gone and I was "well, we went to the in laws for 5 days and that was tough, and I lost my job and unwanted/hurtful relatives came to my house for a day and night, and I had to cancel a vacation that I have waited months for....." at this point she interrupted me and was like "why are you smiling?". I stopped for a minute and thought....huh. It was really crazy! I realized that I am not drowning. For the first time in my life, I am not drowning. I am setting boundaries. I am taking control. I am starting a new path. I am doing good. I am getting healing. I am not getting more depressed. I am doing it! I AM SO FREAKIN PROUD OF MYSELF YOU CANNOT BELIEVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have spent the last 20+ years of my life in a complete funk. I am pushing through it! I am fighting for me for a change. I am not going to be that person. I am going to stay strong.

My doc was so proud of me. "You are a completely different person from when I first met you. You have come so far and deserve it. You have worked so hard to get here."

I don't think she could have made me happier at that moment.

I am good.

I am going to continue to sit here. Sipping my hot chocolate. Watching the Christmas tree lights. Cuddling with my dog and smiling.


P.S. Yeah God! I am doing it!

Life

Life goes on.

I am doing good. I think/know that I have a lot of big decisions to make in the next month but I am excited for the future. I sat in my office today and thought "wow......I have no control of life right now and that is OK." I am at a point where I am trusting God to take care of me. No, I am not sitting around wasting time and not thinking and working toward my future, but I know that all things in life happen for a reason and I am really excited.

I finished my final Christmas shopping today. I finished all but one gift a couple weeks ago but man does it feel good to be completely done. I really like Christmas and now that that is done and the decorating is done, I can finally start to do the baking and planning. We are heading out of town for Christmas this year. We are heading to our old stompin grounds for awhile and I am looking forward to it. We have really connected and renewed old friendships in the last few years and it is making visits there happen with a lot more frequency. We enjoy them a lot. Who would have ever known that we would still be going back there to visit!

SO, I made the yummiest dinner tonight. You take red onions in wedges, sweet potatoes (or yams...the orange ones) in chunks, toss it with some salt and pepper and some olive oil and about 8 stems of fresh thyme, lay some seasoned chicken pieces on top and bake for 45 minutes. It is so good. Simple and fresh and healthy and good. The boys like it a lot.

I am doing good today. I feel like life is OK and that it will all be OK. There is a lot going on right now and that is OK. More sleep time needed and more steamed milk and baths needed as well. I am good though.

So, for those of you that read this, if anyone actually does :), and you know where I am going for Christmas, do you want to hang out? I would love it! I will be emailing people once I know where I am going and when I will make more plans then!

Gotta go! Gonna watch some TV and do some payroll and relax!

Later!

The final frontier.....

I am sitting in my office.

Pumpkin spice latte in my hand.

Staring out the window.

Not wanting to work.

I am supposed to be on holidays right now.

I am told I have to come in and work all day.

Doing final payroll for all the employees.

On Saturday.

On my days off.

Not wanting to be here.

I will miss this view.

The one from my window.

The blue sky and the big tank truck service across the street.

It is comfortable.

I know it.

The chair is molded to my ass.

I like it here.

Why does it have to change?

Why does one man's decision have to make such a huge impact on so many people?

I don't want to be here.

I want to do up my final cheque and leave.

My boss and the other owner (the one causing all the chaos) are coming in once I phone them and tell them I am here.

I have been here for an hour.

I have not phoned.

I am not sure if I will phone in the next hour.

I like the peace and quiet.

I am also really mad and not sure if I can be completely professional at this point in my day.

I think I might say some mean things to Man #2.

Maybe I should not phone for a bit.

This sucks.

I don't want to be here.

What is coming next?

Will it be as good as this?

I have to admit, the stress is a lot, but I am starting to get a little excited at the same time.

Worried about Husband.

He is not doing well with all this.

Kinda depressed and really bummed out.

Please pray for us.

Tough months ahead.

I want to go home and go back to bed.