Monday, November 7, 2011


I have a funny issue.

Bear with me.  This whole post might seem ridiculous.  13 years ago, I gained a lot of weight.  I had a brain aneurysm and went from 128 lbs to 260 lbs within a year from medication.  Over 60 of that in the first 3 months.  It was insane.  One of my biggest pet peeves with over weight people is that they do not dress for their bodies and so I was stuck in that situation of wanting to look cute but looking rather...shall we say...nasty.  I did not know how to do my new hair, how to put makeup on my new skin color or how to dress this new body! One of the things I was adamant about was not showing off my fat rolls.  This might sound harsh but seriously? Do you need to wear your clothes wrapped so tight that I can count your back fat rolls from 50 paces????


 Google "people of Walmart" to get an idea of what I am talking about.  So, if I could fit a 2x? I bought a 3x.  I bought styles that still looked good (once I figured out how to dress the voluptuous me) but never bought anything fitted.  I have now spent the last 13 years wearing fairly loose clothing.  Not insane "check out the lady in the tent" style, but definitely no back roll counting was happening.

So now we have yesterday.  Husband agreed that I was in desperate need of some new clothes.  I was down to 2 pairs of jeans, 1 really worn out, 3 work shirts and a few extras shirts and hoodies.  Definitely not what I wanted.  So we went shopping.  This was an adventure! We went to a massive mall (one of the biggest in North America) and shopped.  Funny thing? I have never been in most stores.  I was used to Torrid (while in the states), Additionelle, Penningtons and the back corner of Reitmans.  We walked for quite a while before we even went in a store! Now I have a little body issue.  I still think I am a size 24 and I might be closer to a 14/16.  A large in regular clothes.  We ended up getting a lot of really great deals and walked away with more than I ever thought! Did you know that when you buy regular size clothes you can pay less than $50 for a shirt? WHO KNEW!!! Think of the money I would have saved over the years.  Crazy :)

Now here is the issue.  Husband was the one who looked at me in the clothes and said if they were good or not.  I did not really give an opinion.  As long as they were comfy? And he gave me that "look"? I knew I had to get them.  Now for this morning.  I got dressed in a new outfit, looked in the mirror and did not see fat rolls.  Felt kinda cute actually! But as far as my body? It has not had fitted clothes touching it in years! I have been checking myself all day and every time someone looked at me? I thought I could hear them counting.  I have never felt so uncomfortable!

How do I deal with this? I know it is in my head but seriously? Has anyone else ever dealt with this before? I mean...seriously.  This is nuts! Husband told me all day how good I looked and I was constantly feeling my back to see if people might see anything! Here are some before and after pictures to see what I am talking about.

Me at my heaviest.  You can just imagine the fat rolls! Hey, now realize that I am not one of those people that thought I was hideous and hid.  I actually thought I was kinda pretty for a bigger girl!

And now me:

This is me about 20 lbs ago! I just realized I have no current pictures.  Time to do something about that! There is a slight difference as you can see.  You think I would be happy! I think I am.  I just have to figure out this new body.  Any advice?