Wee Bit of Me Wednesday

Following my friend cause I can't think of anything to write.




{one} If you were granted three wishes what would they be?

To live somewhere warmer than this.  To be skinnier.  To be happier all the time.

{two} Who is your favorite author?

Nora Roberts, Karen Kingsbury, any cookbook.  I read too much! I love most authors.


{three} What crowd were you involved in during high school?

I was somewhere in the middle.  Band, church, popular....I was kinda friend/aquaintances with everyone.



{four} What is your favorite thing to do when you have time to yourself?

Read and watch tv.  Sometimes shop.


{five} Do you have any hidden talents?

I am not sure! I can burp on command.  Is that a talent?


{six} Can you fake any accents?

a fiesty black woman, a british lady and the stoned air head at Mark's Workwear


{seven} Have you ever been mentioned in the newspaper?

Quite a few times! We actually had a wedding picture with a huge write up in our local paper.


{eight} Have you ever been arrested?

I have never been arrested but I have been officially banned from a restaurant for farting too loud! Too fun.


{nine} What is your favorite job you've had?

Flower store manager.  I loved it.  I also love the job I have now.


{ten} Do you have any scars?

Oh boy do I ever! Brain surgery left a good one, the breast reduction left its mark, cuts all over and a whole lot of other ones.  Mental? You have no idea.  One screwed up broad.


Hope you enjoy this!

Lunch Today......amazing!!!!!

I bought a new cookbook and this is the first recipe that I have tried out of it.  I loved it! I did not make it though exactly as the recipe told me too because I could not find the "salsa Verde" and did not want to make it myself and so I bought enchilada sauce instead.  I would recommend this recipe to anyone! Cheap, easy and fast.  Total time was about 45 minutes and that included baking for an 30 minutes.

This is the enchilada sauce I bought.  It was amazing.  This whole dish made Husband and I both think we were eating at Don Diego's in Terrace.  Definite make again!!!!!

This is the mix for the inside of the enchiladas.  I will post the actual recipe at the end of this post if you want to try it.

I used flour tortillas as I had them already.  Just the small ones.  It would have been better though with the corn ones.

The finished product.  
Need I say more???

This is the book.  It is amazing! It is so beautiful.  I would highly recommend it.  Most of the food is a little fancier but  there is a lot that I will make.

Spicy Chicken Enchiladas Verde

w/sour cream and cilantro

Serves 8 (did half)

4 cups shredded cooked chicken

4 cups store bought salsa Verde, divided (a green sauce)

3 cups grated Monterrey jack cheese (I used marble)

1/2 cup chopped fresh cilantro (it is not a strong flavour so add it!)

Salt and pepper

16 corn tortillas

1/2 medium white onion, halved and thinly sliced

1 container sour cream (16 ounces)

Adjust oven rack to center position and heat oven t0 400 degrees.

Mix chicken, 3/4 cup salsa Verde, 1 1/2 cups cheese, 1/4 cup cilantro, and salt and pepper to taste (about 1/2 tsp salt and 1/4 pepper for half batch).  Spread one cup salsa Verde on bottom of 9 x 13 baking pan.

Wrap tortillas in two damp paper towels and microwave on high power until warm and pliable, about 45 seconds.  Spoon about 1/2 cup chicken filling into tortilla.  Roll into a cylinder and place seam side down in baking dish.  Repeat with remaining filling and tortillas.  

Drizzle enchiladas with 1 1/2 cups salsa Verde and sprinkle with remaining cheese.  Spray a large sheet of tin foil with cooking spray.  Cover baking dish with foil, oiled side down, and bake till heated through, about 30 minutes.  Remove foil, sprinkle with onion slices and remaining 1/4 cup cilantro.  Let stand for a few minutes. 

Serve with sour cream and remaining salsa Verde.

By Pam Anderson

This was a wonderful recipe.  Even Husband loved it.  I hope someone out there will try it! Let me know if you made it my way or hers! I am sure they are both amazing. 

Dysfunction

I know that these are lame, but a little more information on who I am! And I like filling things out.  Deal with it.




WHAT WAS YOUR:


1. Last beverage: lingonberry juice
2. Last phone call: Husband

3. Last text message: Husband

4. Last song you listened to: whatever is on the AMA awards right now (I am watching it right now)

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice: only Husband!

7. Been cheated on: yes
8. Kissed someone & regretted it:  for sure.  Who hasn't!
9. Lost someone special: yes.

10. Been depressed: way to often.  Need more control over my thoughts!
11. Been drunk and threw up: no

FIRST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:

12. black

13. blue

14. burnt orange

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made a new friend: a few!

16. Fallen out of love: no
17. Laughed until you cried: many times
18. Met someone who changed you: a few.  Ultimate Leadership 2010
19. Found out who your true friends were: You have no idea.....
20. Found out someone was talking about you: yup!

21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list: yes, a few!

22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: all of them

23. How many kids do you want to have: wanted 4, can't have any

24. Do you have any pets: yes, a husband and a dog!
25. Do you want to change your name: yes.  Get rid of the first so that it is less confusing
26. What did you do for your last birthday: had a party and laughed a lot

27. What time did you wake up today: 9 am baby
28. What were you doing at midnight last night? reading in bed
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: this business to be easier
30. Last time you saw your Mother: about 4 years ago.  She is gone.
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: health
32. What are you listening to right now?: the TV and the keyboard as I type
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Bob?: yes.  A neighbor and friend.
34. What's getting on your nerves right now? People
35. Most visited web page(S)?: Face book and hotmail
37. Relationship Status: Oh so happily married
38. Zodiac sign: not into this stuff.  I think Aries
39. Do you have a crush on someone: a big one!
40. Primary School: Thornhill Primary School
41. Middle School: Centennial (horrible) and Thornhill Elementary
42. Highschool: Thornhill Junior Secondary School, Caledonia

43. Colleges: Uof Athabasca, Business Career College, ACSA
44. Hair color: depends on the month.  Right now? Brown with blond chucks and red in the front
45. Long or short: short pixie
46. Height: 5' 5'
47. Pet peeve?: stupid people, beating the Joneses, ignorant people
48. What do you like about yourself: my heart and my cooking

49. Piercings: ears once and my nose
50. Tattoos: none
51. Righty or lefty? righty


FIRSTS :

52. First Surgery: brain aneurysm

53. First piercing: ears

54. First best friend: real one? Maiya

55. First sport you joined: softball

56. First vacation: out of country? Disneyland



NOW:
59. Eating?: nothing but I am hungry.  Didn't eat enough at dinner
60. Drinking?: hot chocolate

61. I'm about to?: go to bed and read
62. Listening to? the TV still.  Man, I watch too much of this
63. Waiting for?: the backstreet boys/NKOTB duet to come on

YOUR FUTURE :

64. Want kids?: I guess not anymore!
65. Get Married?: already am.  Would like to stay this way
66. Career?: my own boss!!!

WHICH IS BETTER :

67. Lips or eyes: eyes.

68. Hugs or kisses: both.

69. Shorter or taller: taller.

70. Older or Younger: older.

71. Romantic or spontaneous: romantic.

72. Nice stomach or nice arms: arms
73. Sensitive or loud: a little of both would be good
74. Hook-up or relationship?: Hooked up all the way baby!

75. Trouble maker or hesitant: uhh, both?


HAVE YOU EVER:

76. Kissed a stranger: no
77. Drank hard liquor: no
78. Lost glasses/contacts: yes, but have had lasik and now I am all good
79. Sex on first date: no!
80. Broken someones heart?: probably

81. Had your own heart broken: yes.
82. Been arrested: not yet!
83. Turned someone down: yep.

84. Cried when someone died: yeah.

85. Fallen for a friend?: yes.


DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

86. Yourself: on good days! I do right now!
87. Miracles: I am alive, am I not?
88. Love at first sight: yes

89. Heaven: yes.

90. Santa Claus: no.

91. Kiss on the first date: depends on the person
92. Angels: yes.


ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:

94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time?: no
95. Did you sing today?: I don't remember.  Probably
96. Ever cheated on somebody?: no
98. Why do we do stupid surveys like these?: I am a geek and like to fill things out.  So sue me.
99. Are you afraid of falling in love?: Not at all.

100. Posting this as: a blog post for today.


Hope that you got a little laugh out of this! Did you know that the BSB and the NKOTB can't sing? They were awful! Funny to watch though.  Lots of memories of my youth and some of them are still cute.  Just old and married and kids and still can't sing! I am sure the CD will be good.  Then they won't be live.  Too funny.  Time for bed.

Hi

I am back.  Yes, I am.  All of me. 

I am still in the middle of trying to process everything that happened last week.  I am exhausted.  I am so tired! Yesterday, Husband and I were working in the office and I actually fell asleep at my desk! How crazy is that! I laid my head down and just snoozed.  Husband came in and just laughed at me! Too funny.  I finally woke up and went to our bedroom.  I asked him to wake me in half an hour and proceeded to sleep for 2 hours! It was no nice.  He is good to me some days.

So, is anyone else out there fat? I know I know....bad question.  The reason I am asking is that I have had such a hard time as a "chubby" girl finding cute clothes.  Of course there are the mom jeans and the massive t shirts that are oh so sexy....I have to admit.  But, there is something else out there! TORRID.  Amazing store.  I have to tell you.  I have bought lingerie, dresses (two things I have never owned) and the cutest business clothes and casual clothes ever! I love it! They do not have these stores in Canada, but if you ever get to the states or shop online? I recommend them.  And the best part? They do their own sizing and I am a size two.  How good does that feel! I have never been a size two! Just wanted to put this out there for you guys.  Time for us soft girls to feel cute too!

So, I am going back to this conference again next year.  I might just do it every year! I wonder if you get a discount for how many times you go.  Like a buy 5 get one free or something??? Maybe I will ask.  You just never know.  I just love John Townsend and Henry Cloud.  Amazing men.  Amazing. 

I can't believe it is winter! I am actually not minding.  It is a really good excuse to make hot chocolate and steamed milk and have naps.  Funny thing! I need to be working.  A lot.  We have so much to do.  We are supposed to be leaving in a month for a family vacation.  Sounds good, right? I DON'T WANT TO GO!!!! I should change that.  I am getting a little more excited.  I am sure that I will get even more excited as things get closer.  I think that right now, I just can't imagine leaving my house again.  I just want to be home.  In my house.  I am just so tired right now! I just want to curl in a ball and have a nap.  Have you ever been that exhausted??? I am.

I should go.   I have made a new friend.  Sounds silly but is very exciting! We are going for dinner.  I can't wait!

I will write more soon.  I am planning a huge post on what I actually learned at this conference.  Soon.  I just need to process a little more.

Soon.

Ultimate Leadership Day 2

So, um.....your prayers are being answered.

I am so happy.  I am also emotionally exhausted.

I promise I will write tomorrow.

I promise I will give you details.


I am good.

I am great.

I have hope.

Ultimate Leadership Day 1

I don't even know what to write.

I am tired and going to bed.

I don't want to be here.

I want to give up.  Completely.

Can you pray for me?????

This week will be good.

I will learn lots.

I will get healing.

It will be good.


Do you think I can convince myself????

I will write what I learned today? Tomorrow.  I promise.

Almost....

I leave tomorrow.

To get more help.

To go to a leadership conference.

I am nervous.  Enought that my tummy hurts! I have to go to ____  by myself (don't really want lurkers knowing where I am going).  I hate travelling by myself.  I really do.  I am a geek.  I know.  I think I am ready to go though.  I am ready.  I am looking forward to the actualy leadership end of it this time.  I didn't pay any attention to that last time.  Kinda voided it out.  I could use it now.  I am curious to see what this next week leads to.  I am realizing a lot about myself in the last few weeks and am looking forward learning more.  I think everything is packed.  What do you bring? The weather is anywhere between 12 and 32 degrees.  Kinda a big difference.  Oh well. 

I am excited to shop at Torrid!!! Have you heard of it? It is beautiful designer clothes for fat and chubby chicks! It is awesome.  Casual, dressy, lingerie, you name it! And the prices are awesome.  I love it.  I first went to one in Las Vegas and fell in love and am quite excited to go again.  I am looking for some dressy clothes for work.  Time to class this girl up a little.  Not for at home! I love to be casual and cute, but need to look a little older and more professional.  Especially considering that I have a faux hawk some days and a nose ring.  Supposedly that is not all that socially acceptable these days! I look cute though!

So, what do you do in Hawaii? I am going on a family trip and going to Maui and to Waikiki.  What is good to do there? Any ideas? Stores? Restaurants? Tours? I need help.  I am not excited at this point and need to be that way.

Help! Oh, and pray for me please.  I have a huge 10 days ahead of me and could use the support.

Thanks :)

Not tired...

I keep thinking.  Do you ever do that? It is not even that late.  Husband is sick and in bed.  Has been for a long time.  I should go and join him but my brain is going 100 miles a minute.

This last week has been a hard one.  I am prepping mentally to go back to UL and am trying to allow my feelings to come out and to not be so closed off.  Part of this is that I am praying that God will prep me for my week.  Yeah.  Probably should not have done that.  I started having flashbacks last week.  Memories that I have blocked for about 16 years.  It sucks.  I have been having flashbacks for the last few days and it is awful.  Feelings, emotions, memories or more like trauma! and it is all flooding in like a tidal wave.  I am also realizing a lot about my past.  It is amazing when you start to actually analyze your life and your emotions what you find.

Husband has been making me talk.  Like how I word that? I think he is sick of me hurting and holding it all in.  What a shock to him! Ask me to open up? Oh boy oh boy.  I am not afraid of that.  We were talking the other day and he asked me "why do you feel so guilty all the time?" I had no answer.  I always feel guilty.  I feel guilty when I do nothing wrong.  I feel guilty when there might be something that I did wrong.  I feel guilty for things that have nothing to do with me.  I realized in talking that I have been feeling guilty my whole life! I have been conditioned.  I remember my mom telling me to feel guilty.  "Oh Dawn....you should feel guilty for that.  Think of how your siblings feel".  I have spent my entire life terrified of succeeding, terrified of being too good at anything, too pretty, too skinny, too fat, too outspoken, too timid.  For enjoying things I maybe shouldn't.  For feeling things I shouldn't.  I have been blamed for things.  Oh the things.  For things that would blow your mind.  It is ridiculous.  And I had no idea about this guilt until this week.  Thanks Husband. 

How do you uncondition yourself? How do you stop something that comes so naturally to you? How do you change something that is at the core of your being? How do you change something SO FREAKIN HUGE????? This is my week.  This is what I am trying to deal with.  I sure wish I could go somewhere and take a magic pill and just be fixed.  You know what I mean??? I hate this.  I want help.  I want healing.  I keep praying and trying to heal and it is working.  Slowly but surely.  It is just hard when I want it to just happen right away.  Instant gratification, you know?

But, other than that, I have had an OK week.  I have been working hard.  Getting a lot done.  This is good.  We received a huge answer to prayer today which was nice.  I am starting to plan our Christmas trip.  I am not excited yet to go.  Right now, it just seems so overwhelming and exhausting but I know that we need to go and that it will be good once we are there.  Seems like my life lately.  Not wanting to go or do anything but it is good once I am there.  Man.  I need out of this funk that I keep falling into.  Some days? Like today were awesome.  Some days? Suck.  It is ridiculous.  Insane.  I am good though.  I am dealing with my life and things are going to be good.  I can't wait to deal with more crap at UL.

I should go.  I think I am going to have a bubble bath first and then bed.  Why not? I think it sounds like a rather lovely idea.

Blue Michael Flights......

And the common thread would be...............

We will start with......

Flights:  I have been fighting with myself for the last two weeks and trying to convince myself that I can go.  Or that I should stay home.  Or I can't afford it.  Or it is a dumb time to go.  Or I am fine and can handle life without this.  For real.  Welcome to my brain.  Fun, isn't it? I THINK NOT! So, today? I booked the hotels and the flight and the car rental (thank you airmiles and avion points) and I made them all non refundable.  Yup.  I did.  Husband was so proud of me.  I finally did it.  Done.  So? Now the countdown is on.


Health: The doctor is sending me for blood work and x-rays.  He thinks that there are lung problems and possible mono happening.  Would not be surprised.  Insane.  Husband was laughing at me.  He thinks that I am screwed in the head.  And is not impressed at the whole no kissing thing.  Not his cuppa tea.  Hope I feel better soon, I miss kisses!


Blue: My amazing niece is hanging out at our house this week and we are doing lots of laughing and fun and silliness.  We are also having some insanely deep talks and she is challenging me in ways that I am not sure I want to be challenged with right now.  After a big talk the other night, my mind decided to open up.  Oh did it ever.  I remembered things and had emotions and fears come rushing back that I have not remembered in years.  A lot of years.  Ouch.  I laid in bed crying with Husband in shock next to me.  Loving me and taking care of me.  He is a good man.  Back to the blue.  Ms Niece has also been having fun.  Today we bought her first bra's, died her hair blue (sorry Sister), and ate taco's for dinner. (her request).  Tomorrow we are heading to the big ol' mall where we are doing the rides and food court.  We might do some shopping, we will see how grumpy Husband is by the time we are done the rides.  She has never been there and is so excited.  The next day, we are painting pottery, and the day after will include a science center and imax.  I think that the next day? I WILL SLEEP! Oh, but she is still here.  I am sure we will do something fun.


Michael:  Conversation had between me and Niece earlier today.  We were in HMV looking at music

Niece: Hey auntie D, there are two cd's here that say Michael Jackson.  One guy is black though and the other one is white? I think someone screwed up.  That isn't possible!
Me: (trying not to laugh) Well, you see (giggle giggle) He is the same guy.
Niece: Really? I don't think so.  Auntie, he even has a different nose! He is so funny looking.
Me: (dying a little inside that I even have to have this conversation) Well, he was black.  Decided that he wasn't happy that way and so he died his skin.  He then decided that he was ugly and started changing his face.  A lot of plastic surgery.  And then he died.
Niece: Wow.  Maybe it is good that he is gone.  What a weirdo.


The conversation I never thought I would have with anyone.  Epic.  Queer.  Odd.  How do you really explain Michael Jackson to a kid?

Oh boy oh boy oh boy.....

I am totally freaking out right now.

A little history.  Life.  As I know it.  Has had a huge suckage factor in the past.

Does that make sense? I have had a crazy life.  Insane.  Fun.  Insane.  Crazy.  I don't even know how to describe it.  At times it has been good, at times it has been bad.  At times it has been awful and I am actually surprised that I am still here to be honest.

September 19th of last year started a week I will never forget.  I went to Ultimate Leadership in Laguna Beach California.  Yup.  I did.  (and yes I went to Disney for a day while I was there!!!) It changed me.  It made me face my past and deal with parts of it.  It gave me tools to live again and to move past the hurt.  It made me a different person.  No one can attest to that more than Husband.  He was amazed and skeptical and is now just amazed.

He is also worried.  From when I got home from that till now, our life has been nuts.  We lost jobs, had health issues, moved, sold a business, bought a business and a lot of headaches with it, dealt with family drama, had health issues and have I told you that this is all in the last 12 months? And it was a quiet year.  Yesterday, we left a meeting and we were driving home and he asked me how I was doing.  You see, I have been going numb.  I feel like I have slowly been going downhill over the last few months.  Maybe I tested my skills a little too much in the last few months and I don't have enough.  I am getting worried.  I can see myself developing allergies again (I tend to internalize a lot and have even managed to develop full celiac in the past from this) and dont' know how to stop it, I am having headaches all day every day, I am not sleeping like I used to, I am starting to feel depressed again and am not knowing how to pull myself out of it.  It does not help that in moving, I have no friends here and have had to leave behind my psychiatrist and my support group of friends.  I have a few amazing friends out there and a great family, but they are not HERE.  In my day to day life.  They are a phone call away and seeing as my number is blocked, they don't answer the calls half the time when I do call! That is OK.  That is my fault.

So, we had this big conversation where we talked about this and where it is leading and what I am going to do about it.  Well, we have come to a decision.

I am leaving in a month to go back to Ultimate Leadership.  I cannot afford it, and I think that this is all nuts.  I am terrified.  I am nervous.  Is it because I know what to expect? How good/bad/hard it will be? I am also insanely self conscious and so the idea with being somewhere with no safety net of someone I know is hard.  I am also proud.  I am proud of myself that I am getting to the point where I can see that there are problems and I can address them before getting to the point of doing something stupid.  Last year when I signed up, I was sitting at my desk typing a suicide letter.  Yup.  I was that far gone.  I am also mad at myself for not being able to deal with life.  Why do I have such a hard time with that? What is my issue? Why can I not be like other people and just deal? But, that is not who I am.  Last year, I scratched the surface on the hurt in my life and I think it is time to dig even more.  I think that it is time to deal with more.  Husband is on board and is proud of me, I think.  We have talked about it that maybe I just need a yearly tune-up! I hope not forever, but if this is what I need for now to keep growing and increasing my faith and my life, then so be it.  I am not afraid of that.

Is it also crazy to be nervous of what people think of me? Is that just human nature? I am scared that when I tell my friends and family what I am doing, they are going to wonder why I need it again.  They were so skeptical of me last time and why I went.  What will they think of me this time? Will I look like a failure to them? Will they think that I am off my rocker?

Does it matter?

I know that I need this.
I am not going to let myself ever get to that point of darkness again.
I will deal with my past.
I will not let these hurts bother me forever.
I need to do this.  For me and for others around me that might need help dealing with their lives.

"I serve a God who is able to keep me from falling
A God who will do exceedingly
A God who will never leave or forsake me
A God who never leaves
He's ever true"
               ~Friday's Cry "A God Who is Able"  (My favorite song)


If you are curious about my last week there, read my blog from September of last year.  I wrote some of the time.  I will probably again.

Wow.  Now to book the plane ticket.

Plans

So we did it.  We made God laugh today.

Did you hear? Did you hear?

We made a plan.  Not a like a whole life plan but a business/schedule plan.  I am feeling a little overwhelmed right now and at the same time, I am a little more calm about the fact that things are actually written down now and I can physically see what I need to do.  I am such a list slut.  I tell you.

I am glad that tomorrow is Friday.  It doesn't mean a lot around here, but at the same time, it is nice to know that another week has passed.  I think that this weekend, I am going to go shopping and find some fabric for my quilt.  Or I will wait until the niece comes.

I am doing pretty good these days.  I am struggling right now with not internalizing everything.  I find myself about to have a panic attack and then realize that I am internalizing everything and I just need to breath.  Do you ever do that? I hate it.  I think that I spent so many years doing that that it is not natural to just be anymore.  Something that I am working on.  Maybe need to work a little harder!

I am missing my dog.  How sad is that.  I love my little brat.  She is at the in laws.  We were gone for awhile, were home for a week and then gone for awhile again so we just left her there for the whole time.  They love her and it is a safe place for her so we like it when they have her.  I am excited to get her though.

So, I know that this is silly? But we have actually eaten the leftovers so far and have not had to throw out any food this week.  I know I know.  Ridiculous, right? Not so when you are us.  Silly things make me happy.

I should go.  Husband was up thinking all night last night and I got no sleep.  Time for bed.

Night!

Who needs a title anyways.....

REALLY......... who needs it.

• We are feeling quite a bit better.  I am still coughing but hoping that that stops soon.  We will see.  I saw a full burka today! I have never seen one in a local mall before in Canada.  Maybe I live somewhere silly, but I haven't! The cool part was her coach bag and the fancy cell phone that she was talking on through her headdress.

• My niece is coming to stay with us.  I can't wait! She is having a tough time and she is going to come and escape life at our house.  I am planning on doing a few cool things.  I keep making rag quilts for my nieces and nephews and now I want one! I think I am going to get her to help me make one for me! How funny would that be! She would probably do a better job than me....we will see.  I think that we will do some of the tacky things like the mall and some shopping but I want to spend a lot of time just visiting with her and just hang out.  Talk about life and things.  I hope she has fun.  I hope that she feels so safe that she wants to talk and will use this as a safe zone for her life.  I think that we are going to start doing this for all the kids every year.  One week a year is just there time.  We will see how this goes!

• Life is going pretty good.  Husband is pretty discouraged right now.  That is hard.  He was so good at his last job and so confident and now he is feeling very lost and that he doesn't know what he is doing.  It is hard to encourage him.  I can see the changes in him and all that he is learning, but I am learning too!! I know that it is just a matter of time before he is just as good at this as he was at the last job, it is just going to take time.  I hope that he is happier tomorrow! He has a friend coming up for the weekend which will be good for him.

• I am loving my PVR.  I just thought I would tell you that.  I PVR's all my favorite shows last week and for the eternal future of them and so I can just sit and watch when I want and not just when they are on.  That annoys me.

• We cleaned the house today.  Man.  I am not a neat freak but also not messy and it was gross in here! I was appalled.  I feel more relaxed when it is clean. You might laugh at this, but I am so much happier when my house feels clean and organized.  Most people think my house is clean even when I am disgusted with it, but for the most part, it is pretty clean.

• Dinner plans this week........last night we had corn chowder soup and asiago chiabatta bread with it.  We had left overs tonight and tomorrow we are having meat loaf, mashed potatoes and basil/boccoccini/tomato salad.  I am sick and tired of throwing out food.  We will be home for a few days and then we get called away or something comes up and I throw out all my groceries.  No more.  I am now doing two day meal plans.  We are home for six more days and I will shop three times in order to get groceries.  That way, if something comes up, we will not have a full fridge!

I think that those are all the things that needed to be spewed out today! How funny.  I could be the worst blog writer ever!

Time to go play with my new photo editing program! I will post pictures one day soon.

See ya!

Sick

This sucks.  Husband and I are both sick.  He has strep throat and I have an incredible cold.  This sucks.

Other than that, we are good! Business is insane.  There are a lot of issues right now and we are both wanting to crawl in a whole but what do you do.  Someone told us the other day that as long as there are issues, we are growing but if things are easy we are not growing.  I don't know about you, but I am kinda sick and tired of growing.

Next week.  That will be all better.

I bought a 50 mm lense for my camera and am planning on playing with it this weekend.  I need to figure out how to shoot in raw.  I think that I will have to do some googling.  Is that a word? Just wondering.

We are hanging out with my brother and his wife this weekend and it will be good! We have a really long drive home next week.  Not looking forward to it.  I have to admit.

I should go..... I think we are going for dinner soon!

Finally!!!

Ok ok....I am sick of getting harassed to write.

I BOUGHT A CAMERA!!! I bought a Canon XS.

I love it.  I also bought a 50mm portrait lens.  This was one of those silly things on my bucket list.  I want to take a photography class and see what I can do.

I will post some pics that I have taken once that happens.

So, how is the big ol blog world out there? We are good.  We have not been home at all this summer.  I am hoping now that fall is hitting that we will get a little bit more time at home. I miss my house when I am gone.

This week? We are doing a little switcheroo in our house.  We have an insanely large master bedroom and so we decided that we can live with less space and so, if you can follow this, we turned our master into the office, the office into the spare room and the spare room into the master.  Wow.  That was a mess.  We have about 50% of it done right now.  Our room is set up so that we can sleep tonight, the spare has all the furniture in it that it will have, but we have not moved all the office stuff out, the closet in the master if full of all the bedding and blankets that need to go into the spare room, the office needs a lot of furniture built and pictures hung and things put away, and in the midst of all this? I sewed a quilt for my niece, we are going to a huge food show tomorrow with my cousin and her husband, we are trying to do business, and we are in the middle of 15 loads of laundry.  Supposedly we are insane! I agree! We are making the most amazing and beautiful home office you have ever seen though.  When it is finally done? I will post pictures because it is that cool.

I should go help.  Husband is going to get mad soon if he knows I am on here.  He is building an extension for my desk right now.  I am not allowed to be over there.

Mmmmmmm......I am hungry.  Time to take a break.

Hee hee hee

I made a really big purchase this week!

Not a house or a car but something on my bucket list....now to figure out how to use it!

I promise I will post soon.

I am running away for a few days and then I will be back!

Family

Family reunion #2 bites the dust!

It was a wonderful weekend.  I love it! I have some of the wierdest relatives and it is awesome! They are amazing and love each other so much.  There was drama, there was love, there were games and good mennonite food and it was amazing!

We are so tired! I think that I type that too often.  We have been gone for 11 days and are more than ready to be home.  Before that? We were gone for 12 days and home for three.  Yup.  Insane! We are home this time for a few days longer and then we will fly away again! I love life some days.

So, the Husband is healthy right now.  I am so glad.  You have no idea.  I am excited for this week! I am so pumped.  We are planning a vacation right now which is awesome.  I love vacations.  Love them.

Things are going pretty good.  I am feeling good these days and I think that things with the business at this point are ok.  I am a little overwhelmed feeling still some days and that is tough, but I am feeling a little better this week!

I can't wait to sleep in my own bed tonight! CAN'T WAIT!!!

So, I am completely rambling at this point.  Do you think that I am tired at this point by any chance?????

Time for bed.....

Night y'all!

Wow.....

That was fast!

I just got a call saying that the paperwork is through and we are signing on Thursday!!!!!!!


Please pray that it all goes through and nothing else bad happens!

It will sell....

Tomorrow we are getting the phone call that the business is sold and we can sign on Thursday......

Tomorrow we are getting the phone call that the business is sold and we can sign on Thursday......


Tomorrow we are getting the phone call that the business is sold and we can sign on Thursday......


Tomorrow we are getting the phone call that the business is sold and we can sign on Thursday......


Tomorrow we are getting the phone call that the business is sold and we can sign on Thursday......


Tomorrow we are getting the phone call that the business is sold and we can sign on Thursday......


Tomorrow we are getting the phone call that the business is sold and we can sign on Thursday......


Tomorrow we are getting the phone call that the business is sold and we can sign on Thursday......


Tomorrow we are getting the phone call that the business is sold and we can sign on Thursday......



Yup.  I am speaking this into existence.  We have been told that the financing is in place.  We are waiting on a piece of paper from a lending institution so that we can sign and hand it over.  We are waiting and waiting and waiting.  I think that God is teaching us patience.  I am not sure why.  We have been waiting for three months.  Seriously.  I am not joking.  Just this week? We have been told three times now that the paperwork will be done today!

I am slowly going crazy 1 2 3 4 5 6 switch....crazy going slowly am I 6 5 4 3 2 1 switch!

Let's all sing together!

I am slowly going crazy 1 2 3 4 5 6 switch....crazy going slowly am I 6 5 4 3 2 1 switch!

We don't know when we are leaving for a family reunion, we have no idea how much longer we are home so we don't even know what groceries we need to buy or when to put the dog in the kennel, it is a freakin waiting game and I want to scream! For your knowledge? DO NOT EVER USE BDC FOR A LOAN!!!!!

Update

So, do you want the good news?

Husband is healthy!!!!!!!!


So, no idea what happened.  He was incredibly sick for a whole month, he went for blood work, and we waited.

We recieved a call from the doctor last week saying that his bloodwork came back perfect! Figure that out! Life is insane and God is good.  Now, if the business would only sell.

Please pray! We are supposed to have our business sold and they are waiting on paperwork from the finance company.  This was all supposed to be closed about two months ago and we are still waiting.  We need it to sell! This is nuts! I can't take a whole lot more of this.  This is so stressful!

At least Husband is healthy  :)


Thank you Lord for healing and for keeping us sane!

Can I take back my last post?

Husband is not feeling good yet.  It looked like it was working and it isn't.

He phoned the specialist today and they are hoping that it is just a bowel infection.  He has to go for testing tomorrow.

I am hoping and praying that that is all it is.  I am frustrated today.

I am struggling with depression this week.  I can hardly get out of bed right now.  I have so much to do and the craziest next month of my life.

I need help.  I am not sure doing what, but I need help.

I am thinking of going to the doctor and seeing what they can do.  My body is doing crazy things right now and it is driving me nuts.

I think I need a day at the spa.  Or a healthy husband......or..........


I have no idea.  I tried to pray yesterday and decided that there was no point.  I trust God to do the right thing but he is going to do whatever the heck he wants anyways so what is the point? That is how I am feeling right now.

I am sitting on my couch and watching "Castle".  It is good.  I am tired these days.  I feel like life was finally getting a little less insane! I know that that makes no sense as my life is kinda insane all the time, but the whole health thing takes it to a whole new level.

Time for bed.

I will keep you all updated on what happens with his health.

Keep praying......

Prayer

If anyone out there doubts the power of prayer? STOP IT!!!

I know that prayers are not always answered, but today? I hope one was.

Husband is doing ok.  He is getting some color back and is feeling a little better.  The next few days and weeks will tell us a lot but for now? I am feeling a heck of a lot better about life.


Thank you.


You know who you are.


Thanks.

He is there right now.

Please keep praying.

Losing my mind with worry.  People think that I shouldn't worry, but have you been in my life in the last 14 years? I think that I have a HUGE reason to worry.

Hoping for a call soon to pick him up.

I promise to update on here as soon as we know anything.


Thanks for your prayers.  I know that someone is reading this and sending up some prayers.  Otherwise? I would be lost even more than I am right now.

Continued....

Losing color.

Losing energy.

Lots of diahhrea.

Not good.

Remicade infusion and doctors appointment tomorrow.

Please Lord.....not now!

Prayer needed....

Yet again.

Worried tonight.

For the last three weeks Husband has been having a Crohne's attack.  His bowels are having issues and he hasn't told me.  He didn't want me to worry.  He has a remicade infusion this week.  He sees his doctor this week.

Please pray.

This is not good.  If this medication stops working? There is nothing left.  There are no other medications at this time that we know of.  This medication needs to work.

He is going to be mad that I said anything on here but we need prayer.  This is not something that I really want to deal with at this time.  He needs to be healthy.  Needs to be.


Thanks.

Best Friends

Do you have a best friend?

Do you have someone you could tell anything to?

Do you have someone that would be there for you right now if you needed them?

Do you have someone that you could talk to twice a year and feel like you saw them everyday  because it is still that comfortable?

Do you have that person that you need to tell good things to?



I do.  I realized yesterday that I do.  I have a couple actually but one in particular.  We met when we were 9 and have gone steady ever since.  We had our 20 year anniversary last year and joked that we should have a party! We went for breakfast instead.  We have travelled together, and gone to school together, we used to sneak out of the house together.  Newsies and Encino Man were our favourite childhood movies.  We have laughed and cried.  Danced and cheered.  When I hurt? She is the one I want to call.  I know that she will love me and pray for me and be a voice of reason in my insane world.   She is the person that knows me.  She knows my hurts.  She knows my fears.  When I say something? She challenges me and knows what I am thinking.  She asks the questions that I almost want her to ask but that I am not sure I want to answer.  She loves me and accepts me.  She know my past.  She has seen my failures.  She has seen my successes.  She prays for me like a momma bear and knows what to pray.  She sings with me.  She allows me to be me.  She understands me.  I praise the Lord on a regular basis for her and wish that we lived a lot closer to each other.

She doesn't read this blog I don't think.  But she knows who she is.  I love you MD and hope that we remain friends for the rest of our lives.  Thank you for being you.

Naps

I, XXXXX  XXXXX (did you seriously think I would leave my real name?!?!?!?), do declare that Saturdays are to be filled with farmers market from here on out.  I also do declare, that nap times need to happen at least three days a week.  Naps are to be no less than 3 hours and are to involve a really comfy couch.


Sincerely,

ME!


So, yeah.  I had a nap today.  We had a breakfast meeting first thing this morning (7am) then a lawyer meeting downtown, then a marketing meeting for lunch.  By the time we got home, we were done! We started to work in the office and then Husband ended up going to lay down.  I sat on the couch trying to figure out what all needed to get done, and fell asleep! Oh did I ever.  On the most amazing couch evar!!! Oh my goodness.  I was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo tired.  It was insane.  I crashed for about 4 hours.  What a waste of time! Right? But no.  It was so needed.  Decreased my stress a lot and helped me feel better. 

The plans for the weekend? Sleep in tomorrow, hopefully, go to farmers market and find some fresh food for the week, week the flower beds, finish my year end for company #1, try a new church, and go to a lot of show homes.  We love doing that.  Insane ones, condos, mansions, small houses, all kinds of things!

I need this weekend.  Really bad.  I am rather looking forward to it!

Stress

Do you have any ways of decreasing stress? Please let me know.

My stress level is through the roof right now and I am not sure how to deal with it.

It is stressing me out!!! How funny is that!

Help.

Business

Big big decisions to make in the next two days.

Some background.

We bought a new business.  I am not going to say what for the big world of the internet, but it has the potential to be amazing.  We have  a passion for it and it is/could be amazing.  We had an offer today.  There is a business consultant that could take this business from what it is to huge and crazy with little effort.  Well, there is a TON, and I mean TON, of work to do to get it there, but he would save Husband and I from making a whole heck of a lot of mistakes in the meantime.  We are also at a point where we feel like we are trying to eat a herd of elephants  but are not sure how the heck to do it!

Does that make any sense?

He wants to take this on as a challenge and work with us and see what happens.  He has done this many times before and all the businesses that he has worked for are doing amazing.

Problem.

• Money.  He is not cheap and so we have to figure out how to harvest and sell organs to pay for him.
• He would want some sort of shares in the company down the road for all his work 
• I don't like to share.  I wanted it to just be me and Husband and this feels like a cop-out to me

Long term? This in an incredible opportunity.  There is no way, well maybe, that we could do everything that this guy could in the time frame he is talking about.  He is a fount of knowledge that we could use right now.  

So, do I give up some control and possibly a portion of my business in order to make it a success 100x faster? Or do I keep my pride and stubbornness and tell him to take  hike.  As husband puts it, "80% of a big number is a whole lot better than 100% of a small one!"

By the way, he was referred to us by another business in the city that has used him and he probably quadrupled their business in a year.

Damn......I might have my answer.

Mother-in-law

I am sitting at my desk, well actually Husbands desk, in my office and staring across the way.

I am staring at my mother-in-law that has taken a day out of her life to come and help me with some bookkeeping.

This is huge.

I am not sure you know HOW huge.

Up until the last six months, we tolerated each other.

I have been setting a lot of boundaries in my life and at the same time am trying to renew and refresh a lot of old ones.  I am sick and tired of the tension and the chaos that our relationship was.  So, in honour of my new attitude, I dropped my pride this last week and asked for help.  Much to my surprise, she was honoured! She was so excited to come and help me and we are having a lovely day in my office.  I am working (and blogging) on Husbands computer and she is doing bookkeeping on mine!

This is big people.

Bigger than you will ever know.

HUGE!!!!!!




and good.

We survived.......

the family reunion.

Key moments that made me smile and laugh a little and will not be at my family reunion next month:

• the booze.  The copious amounts of booze that got brought out everyday for breakfast.  Wow.  I did not know that people could drink that much.  Over and over and over.  Supposedly 20 beers in 5 hours is normal! Supposedly he wasn't even drunk!
• the chihuaua's.  On my lanta!!!!! There were 13 little crap dogs there and one big one.  Seriously.  NO joke.  Not one was trained and two bit me! Again, my  bad.  Supposedly this is normal!
• Two gay couples.  No issues with them at all! But the one was hilarious! One was white, one was black, they were divorced but there for moral support for each other and they were broadway singers currently in New York! They were extremely kind, but very funny.  They would break into song and giggle like little girls!
• Booze, did I mention that there was booze?

Other than that it was good.  I am not a bigot, just so you know.  Had no issues with anyone there except the dogs.  They made me want to commit dog murder.  But, I did meet the most amazing girl.  Husbands two cousins were there and the one had his long term girlfriend there.  She was awesome! We hung out all weekend.  She had the coolest accent I have ever heard.  She was born in England, and has lived for three or more years in Thailand, Singapore, South Africa, Dubai and somewhere else I forget.  Mix those up to make a really cool person.

We had fun though and I got a good sunburn.  We are home now for a couple weeks..... we think! I think that we have sold our business but will know for sure later this week.  It would not be official until the end of July but it would be ok.  I am praying so hard right now that the house and the business sell.  I am so sick of not having anything done.  It feels like we are living in two worlds right now and it is getting old.  Really old.

Now, in a totally different area of my life...............



my dad......................................























has a girlfriend.

Yup.  You read it here.  He has a girlfriend.  She is supposedly amazing.  She has an 18 year old son.  She is 13 years younger than him.  They have been spending all their spare time together.  They are getting really serious really fast.  Yup.  I am not sure how I feel! Now, I haven't met her yet, but I am happy for him and feeling a little odd about the whole thing.  I get to meet her in July.  I am not sure if I am looking forward to it.  Dad is supposed to be with mom.  Not another woman.  This will be strange but good.  Why is it though, that all the insecurities come out and you start to wonder "will she like me?" "will we get along?" "is she in this for the right reasons?" "am I just a skeptical bitch that doesn't want to see my dad happy?" These things just keep running through my head and I just keep praying that I will stay positive.

We have another family reunion with my family now in August.  Actually excited now! I think that it will be nice to see lots of family and relax for a day or two!

I should go.  We have been gone a lot lately and have a lot of stuff to do in the next few weeks.

Later peeps!

Random thoughts

Family reunions.........a whole lot of people acting like they love each other and it is full of tension and smiles

Restaurants....... a place where people meet to each food and treated horribly by waiters and waitresses

Head hurts.  Has for four days.

Can't kennel the dog because she is allergic to the rabies shots.  Seriously? For real?

I want a burnt orange wall in my house.  So bad I can taste it.  I am thinking of pinning up fabric so that I can have some color on the walls.

I started a jogging program this morning.  Husband and I are starting slow but are doing it.  We are getting up early and jogging every morning before breakfast.  This is the plan at least.

I realized that I own one nice bathing suit.  It makes my boobs look incredible.  Like amazing.  Am trying to decide if it is ok to wear at said family reunion.

Want my house to sell.  Please Lord.  Sell my house!

Want my business to sell.  Please Lord.  Sell the business!

Want to open a few new franchises in the next year so that I can have a slush fund for the business in order to start some new projects.

Found an amazing place to go for breakfast.  We have gone there a few times lately.  It is called "Cora".  You get tons of fresh fruit with your amazing meal.  Love it!

I want to go to a farmers market on Saturday.  I don't think it will happen.  I will be at a family thing. 

Maybe next weekend.

I am tired.  Husband has been not sleeping well and really grumpy this week and it is getting really hard to deal with.  I am trying to pretend to be really awake during the day and to not let him know that his lack of sleep is killing me because one of us has to be complete and getting something done.  I am so tired right now.  Lots of meetings and trying to get the books and stuff done and my brain is not working right.  I think I need someone to come in and help me with the books.

I just want to eat eggs.  Wierd.

I want to watch a lot of Chuck these days.  I have no time!

I think it is time to go to bed.

Night y'all!

Too long....

It has been too long.  How are you world? I am good.  Tired, but good.  We are busy working at the new business and loving it.  We are on the road constantly and think that it is insane! Spent the weekend at our old  home and had a blast.  This summer looks insane.  We are heading to two family reunions, two weddings, and a business to sell and a house to sell.  All hopefully in the next few weeks.  I hope that it will be good! It will be kinda insane but we are loving it.


I will write more soon.



Later!

Family Post 1.2

Just found out grandma knew all along.

Ouch.

She still treated me that way.

Ouch.

Thinking I am not going to see her.

Not sure I am willing to allow myself to be hurt that much more again.

I am finally dealing with some of this stuff.

I am finally not hurting so bad.

This whole thing is making me physically ill and making me so sad.

I am so sick of it all.

Fuck.

Family....or not....

I need help.

I do not know how to feel.

Yesterday I got a call from my dad informing me that my grandma has cancer and it could be bad.  I am trying to decide if I care.  I know that sounds harsh.  Let me give you some background.

When I was 14, I was sexually abused by my uncle.  Not cool.  I told my parents who told the family and tried to deal with it in their own way.  In their defence, they were both raised in strong mennonite homes in which you bury your head in the sand and don't deal with things.  They tried their hardest and the relatives just ignored it.  To show support, my aunt and uncle sent their three daughters to his house a few weeks later for him to babysit.  Sick.  Sick and wrong if you ask me.

This has been an ongoing issue with the extended family now for a long time.  16 whole years to be exact. Since then, I have gone to the cops, just to have to cancel everything because I had a brain aneurysm and was forbid from the doctors to deal with it for three years (they think the stress of it all caused my aneurysm), gone to Manitoba to talk to them, had numerous phone calls, face to face visits, etc....just to have them phone me and kick me officially out of the family about 5 years ago.  Yup.  Very cool people.  Want their numbers? They rock! No one has tried to even talk to me about what happened.  My mom was killed two years ago and a whole bunch of them came to the funeral including this grandma.  She didn't even say hi.  She did not hug me or even try to talk to me.  She has been married to my prick of a grandpa for over 50 years and I don't think she even knows what all happened.  I think that she has spent so long being the submissive housewife that she is not the real her anymore.  I loved this grandma.  She was amazing.....for those first 14 years.  She cooked with me and did crafts with me and would let me style her hair.  She was warm and loving and hid if from a lot of people.  She would cuddle with me and hug me and would tell me she loved me.  I have only good memories of her.

So, here is the thing.  Do I go see her? Up till now, it was not possible because the family would not let me see her but the old prick is in a home now dying and she is home alone.  I could drive down there with no one knowing it and see her.  I could talk to her and hug her and ...... I don't even know.  I don't know if it will help or not.  After my mom's funeral, she was at my dad's house and just watched me.  She had tears in her eyes and looked like she wanted to talk but was not allowed.  I have some mean relatives that will not even let her near me.  I am not sure why.  She is 84 and having surgery soon and I don't know if it will hurt if she dies because there was a lack of relationship or if it will be like any other old lady dying.  

I could ignore all this, as I would never see her again anyways, but will it hurt too much?

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and don't pass this to anyone who knows all this stuff, because they will find a way to ban me from going if I decide to.

Do I go?

Do I just mourn her now?

I have forgiven her, why does this hurt so much?

Do stay home?

Husband is no help.  He will go or he will stay, but he will not tell me what to do.  He is not close to his family so he has no idea what this feels like.

Wanna know how my dad found out? My sister read it on a cousins facebook page and told him.  Ouch..

I am back!

Hello world!

Have I mentioned lately how tired I am? Holy crap! Life is good though.  Husband and I spent a week driving all over the world (well, maybe just two provinces) but it was insane! We drove almost 3000+ kms in four days and it was insane! I still feel tired! We were then home for one day, left to visit the inlaws for a day and then we were home for a day and then we went to the previous home for 5 days to deal with the selling of the house and the business and stuff.  We saw no one and were insanely busy that whole time.  We not only had meetings galore but traded in out beloved 2009 Nissan Titan LE that we loved on a car.  Need something better on fuel mileage.  It was nuts.  We then left there and came back to the new home and 4 hours later? COMPANY SHOWED UP!!! We are loving having our company though. 

We decided to become tacky tourists today and went to the big ol mall.  It was hilarious.  We people watched and ate random food and loved it all.  We bought a few little things and just relaxed.  Tomorrow we have to do an IKEA run and go find something at the university and a whole bunch of random things.  It will be fun though.  The boys are going to be installing a security system in the house.  We are then going to finish the office stuff.  I can't wait till it is all done.

I still wonder what this is that we are doing.  Does that make sense? I wonder about our lives and what is coming.  I wonder some times why God keeps sending us on all these adventures.  What is he prepping us for? Hmmmmmm.............

I need to sleep.  This is going to be a big week! I can't wait.

Mothers Day

I hate today.

Strong words.  I know.

I am not a mom.  I wanted to be.  The choice was taken away from me due to health issues and adoption is not an option due to health issues/stupid rules/money.  I never like this day every year.  It reminds me that I am not a mom.  No one is making me breakfast in bed.  No one is saying "I love you mom!".  No one bought me a card.  I don't know.  It just reminds me every year that I will never have that.

It also sucks because my mom is not here anymore.  When she was alive, at least I had something to celebrate on this day.  Now? Not so much.  SO, today I am going to skip the Mom service at church, I am going to go shopping and buy some new clothes, I am going to hang out with Husband and just relax.  I am then going to have a bubble bath, light some candles and read a book.  It WILL be a good day.  I will not be sad, I will not dwell on what I do not have, I will smile and love my life and avoid looking at small children at all costs! It is good.  I am ok.


Now to convince my heart of that.......

Frustrations

Conversation I had earlier today that made me a little angry.....seriously people


Me: Hi! I would like a Venti, non fat, half toffee nut, half vanilla caramel macciato.  Could you please stir it before the drizzle and double cup it? Thanks.  Oh, and could I get a little extra drizzle? You rock.

Her: For sure! Anything else?

Me: Well, if you could please put the shots in as soon as possible because I really hate bitter coffee (shots of expresso are actually considered "dropped" if they sit for more than 10 seconds before hittting milk.  That is what makes coffee bitter)

Her: Oh definately.  I understand.  Don't you hate it when people do that?

I pay, I walk to the other side of the counter and proceed in watching her make my not that  impossible drink.

Step One: Start shots
Step Two: Start milk
Step Three: Add syrup to cup, but do only half the syrup asked for

Me: Um, excuse me, I think you forgot the toffee nut

Her: Oh.  It doesn't come with this drink.

Me: But I asked for half and half.

Her: Well.  It is not what the cup says.

Shots have now sat for about 1.5 minutes.

Me: Could I please have new shots? Those are dropped and black.

Her: No, they are fine.

Me: Um, they are black.  That makes it bitter.  Could I please have new ones? (getting a little impatient)

I then realize that she is making two drinks instead of one double cupped one.

Me: Oh! That was supposed to just be one drink double cupped.

Her: No, it is two different drinks.

Me: No, really.  I only ordered one.

She then proceeds to completely ignore me as she pours in nasty ass shots, doesn't stir it, puts in too much foam so when she puts the 1 cup of caramel drizzle on top it just pours down the sides and makes a huge mess.

I ask her to hand me a spoon to scoop off the top so I can get a lid on.  She says I just have to squish it on.  The foam will shrink! So I do just that and make an incredibly huge mess all over her counter.  I then dump out part of the drink on her counter so that the lid will fit on. 

I take a drink.

It tastes like ass.  Not Heidi Klum ass? but Rita McNeil ass.  Suprise suprise.

I walk around to the front counter. 

Tell them the girl sucks.

Demand my money back.

They hand me a coupon for a free drink with my money and ask what happened to make my "experience not the greatest"

Hmmmmm.......rage is flowing.....have strept throat.....just wanted a coffee because I got no sleep last nigh....trying to not kill someone......

Me: "Well, the girl didn't do as I asked, made too many drinks, blatantly ignored me, was rude and at this point I am ready to scream really freakin loud in here to make other people know how dumb you are, but as a business owner myself I understand that that is not cool.  So I will take me and my coupon out of here, tell everyone how much this whole experience sucked and not come back ever.  Thanks for making my day.  Have a good one."

And I storm out.

Seriously people.  This is not rocket science.  Can you seriously not just make a drink?

I WANT MY BARRISTA BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Screw this.  I am moving back.

Home Sweet Home

We are here!

We are moved in and unpacking as I type! I can hear the hammer of the tools as Husband builds yet more IKEA furniture! Love that man.  We are getting settled in our new home and so far loving it.  It is starting to feel a little like home.  My office is 18000000 times better than my old one, the house is incredibly bright, we have no lights on at all during the day, and the layout is pretty nice.  I will post pictures one day! I promise.  We started our actual jobs today and met with one of the store owners to talk.  It was awesome.  He was so excited for what we want to do with the franchise and that was nice to hear as I know that a lot of the owners will not be quite so lovely.  We have one couple in town that we knew before we moved here and have seen them twice already! It is nice.  It would suck to move here and have absolutely no one like our last move.

Tomorrow I am going to farmers market, a massive craft fair and then to look at some dream homes! I can't wait.  I also have to get my bedroom unpacked and put together so that I don't feel like I am living in a garge full of boxes.  Paige is slowly calming down.  She realized yesterday that there is a lot of carpet in this house and spent about half an hour racing around the house like a chicken with her head cut off! It was hilarious.  She just ran and ran.  We laughed a lot :) She is so funny. 

This is looking to be a busy month.  We leave on Monday for a whirlwind tour to all the stores to meet all the owners.  On the 10th, Husband has to be here for Remecaid, on the 12th we drive to GP to help dad move and to get the last of our stuff, on the 15th we have out of town company coming for a whole week (so incredibly excited about this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), we have our 10th wedding anniversary, and Husbands 30th birthday.  What a gong show! We are also trying to get the house done and all the business stuff transfered.
It will happen.  One day at a time, right?

Just thought I would check in.  Things are good.  Having fun shopping and trying new restaurants.

Will post pics and write again soon!

No title....no brain power.

Holy batman do I have stress right now.

I am moody and sad and grumpy and tired and not sleeping and getting leg cramps.....seriously? Leg cramps? Am I a 12 year old boy in puberty?

This sucks. 

We move tomorrow.  We were supposed to move on Tuesday but found out we have to be there and settled my Monday morning.  A little stress.  Our house is mainly packed.  If we leave stuff behind? We will be back in May and we can get it then.  I am not too concerned.  Husband bought a motor bike yesterday.  And got his license and cannot get off the thing! Everywhere I want to go, he thinks we should take the  bike.  Next week? This will be ok.  This week? NOT SO MUCH!!!!!! It is just adding to the stress. 

I hate moving.  I hate leaving behind people.  Everyone wants to hang out before we go.  My day today and tomorrow? Lunch with amazing friend today.  Dinner and movies with amazing friends tonight.  Appies after that from  about 9:30 - 11:00.  Pack and finish up stuff.  Sleep.  Breakfast with amazing friend tomorrow at 7:30, different breakfast at 9:30, lunch at 11:00 and farmers market.  Cousins grad ceremonies at 2:00 and then we leave town.  Insane much? I AM SO NOT THAT HUNGRY!!!!! I will drink a lot of coffee and just pretend I am not hungry yet.  All the paperwork went through for the new business and things are going to get insane next week.  We take possession on Tuesday and then the current owner/staying around to help us man is leaving till the Monday morning.  That means that Monday and Tuesday will be nuts and then we will have a few days to set up our house and do some shopping for stuff for the office and such.

I told Husband today that as soon as life is feeling normal and we have a few extra dollars, I am going to book us on a flight to somewhere for a long weekend.  Any suggestions? I am not picky.  I will go anywhere! Well.....almost anywhere.....we will see what you suggest! A prize to the person who's location I pick! I don't know what it will be but there will definatly be a prize!

I can't wait to go to farmers markets in Edmonton next week.  That will be good.  I can't wait! I also want to go check out the Blue Plate Diner that I found on line.  It looks awesome.  And did I tell you? THERE IS A DWELL STORE THERE!!!! You know, Dwell the magazine? It is amazing.  I can't wait to check out the store.

There are goods to this whole thing.  I can't wait to move and yet am incredibly sad and terrified.  I did pray for an adventure though! That could be my fault.  I promise once my life is feeling more normal (if that is possible for me) that I will write on here more.  I will start writing about what I do and am doing so people can follow my life a little more.  It will be kind of a book of what is going on!

I should go.  It is 4:03 pm and I can't find Husband and we need to do some more packing so that we can go for our 5:00 dinner date and then go see "The Back-up Plan".  Totally cheesy and good.  Will have to bribe Husband to go :)

P.S. When I left the restaurant today, my staff members yelled out "YOUR FIRED" as I walked out the door.  It rocked.

Birthdays

Today I am 30.  What a year this is turning out to be.  I can't believe that I am even still alive never mind here and happy and healthy for the most part.  Today was hard to accept.  I feel my biological clock ticking louder and louder each day and wonder why it won't shut up! I am so frustrated with it all.  I can't have kids.  It is not an option.  Why don't our bodies figure this out and just let go? I am excited though.  This year is going to include a new job, a new home, a new city, our ten year wedding anniversary.  Trips to Hawaii for Christmas and to the Dominican.  This year is going to include healthier eating.  Excercise for fun and not for weight loss.  This year is going to include more time with friends and my husband.  Weekly trips to the farmers markets for fresh food.  New recipes every week that will be cooked in my cool kitchen with my husband.  This year is a new year.  I am going to laugh and smile and enjoy life.  I am going to love God and live this adventure in a way that I didn't know existed.

I am excited to turn 30.  One day? Looking back at the 20's will be a little easier.  Right now? I am excited to just start again.


Now.......just have to sell the house!

Boxes

Boxes

Paper

Tape

Markers that keep going missing....I think we will find them when we unpack!

More paper

Sore muscles

Cleaning

Organizing

Advil from 2002?

Must throw stuff out

Must throw more stuff out

Hoarding tendencies rearing their ugly heads

Not so much in throwing out but collecting wierd things

Have about 20 new in package still toothbrushes

No joke

Husband thinks he married a freak

Has never packed a house with me before

I have done all our moves and so he is learning some new quirks after 10 years!

Boxes

Paper

Tape

Boxes

Paper

Tape

I turn 30 tomorrow and my biological clock is ticking.  Head? Could you please inform body that you can't have kids? Could the memo please be sent around to the clock is turned off? SERIOUSLY!!!!!

I have heard this gets worse for the next ten years

I will have to get another pet

Dress it up and name it peaches

Boxes

Paper

Tape




Need to get back to packing.

Moving

WE ARE MOVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

To Edmonton.

Not sure if this is good or bad. 

Some goods:

• shopping
• crohns specialists for Husband
• great concerts
• shopping
• did I mention shopping yet?
• amazing farmers markets
• cool new house in the south side close to international airport
• which means cheaper flights
• way for fun for people to come and see us. 
• shopping
• cool restaurants
• amazing new job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (details to follow hopefully soon.  Waiting for contracts to be signed)
• shopping
• IKEA....is that shopping?

Sucky things:

• leaving friends
• selling everything off to move (the stress level is a little much at this point)
  leaving friends
• leaving my barrista at starbucks.  The only one that makes me happy.  She is amazing.
• packing.  I hate packing.
• leaving our small group that we love
• leaving our house that we finally finished this last month
• leaving our friends
• not having a comfort zone.  I have lived here for 9 years.  That is a lot.

It will be good though.  This is going to be an insane adventure and we can't wait! We still have a lot of people to tell and contracts are signed hopefully today so that we can tell more people and get started on everything.

This is nuts.

We have packed about 30 boxes so far.  Making a small dent! We have also thrown out a lot of stuff again.  We are so funny that way.  Yesterday, for five boxes packed, we threw out 2 black garbage bags of stuff.  We hate clutter.  No hoarding happening here!

Check out this timeline........

                    April 8th   turn 12 (legally dead, brain aneurysm thing)
                    April 10th turn 30 (crap! I feel old)
                    April 17-27 move away
                    April 27th start our new work adventure
                    May 20th our 10 year wedding anniversary
                    May 22   Husband turns 30

That my friends is going to be one insane month and a half.

Time to go to work.  I have to train people at the restaurant to take over for me today! Not selling yet, but will have to.  This is going to be nuts.



What is the craziest thing you have ever done?
                  

Patience

Please be patient.

I will be back soon on a regular basis.

I am in the middle of trying to get my  house ready to sell.

I am training a new manager for my business so that I can move at some point in the next month.

I am trying to not cry at the fact that I am leaving my friends behind.

I am realizing that huge changes get harder and harder as you age.  This is not as easy as it was years ago.

I am going to miss the girl at starbucks that knows my order when I walk in.  Sad, but true.

I am going to miss having friends.

I am going to miss my church.

I am going to miss the funny pregnant blond lady at the bank that beams when I walk in four days a week and asks me how I am doing and tells me how much my smile makes her day.

I am going to miss my regular customers that tell me about their lives.

The girl that waited 6 months for her wedding dress and had lawyers invovled, but got it ontime and promised me a pictures.  The guy that brings pictures of his kids for me to ooh and aah over.  The old man that tells me about his prescriptions who I convinced to try something new and is now in love with me.

I am going to miss my friends that I can feel pulling away as I get excited and get ready to move.

I am going to miss knowing the grocery store isles.

I am going to miss the comfort zone of my life.

But the good?

Husband and I get to work together at our own project.

It will be ours.

He is getting hooked up with the "chron's guru" of north america.  The guy everyone wants and Husbands doctor has connections to.

We get to start a new adventure.

We will possibly have more company as we will be in a cool big city.

We will get to set our own schedules.

We get to hire our "family" to come and network our  office and so we get to see them soon.

We are secure it Husband gets sick again.

We are following what we feel God is requesting of us right now and can't wait to see where he leads us.

I am just in a funk.  I almost cried right now hooking up all our new utilities in the rental house.  It is done though.  I worked my second last shift at the restaurant today.  They sent me home early because they said I looked so tired and needed a nap! I love my staff.

I know that this is what God wants.  I know that this is good.  I know that this is going to be incredible.




But, why is it so hard?